Trapped 

I look at you 
so small and fragile and 
instantly I want to reach out, protect
hold you against my chest 
mine 

but in your eyes
as you look up at me
is the bird of freedom
endless light on light and 
interwoven emeralds of dazzling eternity 
sing to me 
that you are never were never will never be
mine 
and you belong to me only because I belong to you
and something much greater
spinning us round in duets of swords
and pity 

You are mine 
for a mere moment 
in a never ending string of moments
pearls on a broken necklace
I am meaningless and 
already forgotten
If I ever existed at all 
as part of you
and you are older wiser stronger
then all the fools that have died for you 
trodden down into the mud 
even as they reach up, hands outstretched 
to touch the hem of your dress 
and you think I don't SEE


all I want to do is cling 
to the fragments of your burnt shell
jagged edges curling back
that has already turned to smoke and 
ashes the smell of faded roses 
the light is too bright to ignore
more than this
I cannot comprehend
these ancient paradoxes
what is and what shall be 
molded together like forged metal 
hammer on stone 
makes no logical sense 
to the mind taught in logic
not fairy tales
and the poetic nonsense you tell me
is truth
a mind where the earth is solid 
and reality 
does not dissolve at the drop of a hat 
or the pull of a string

my sweet flower and
the serpent underneath 
I do not know what to say to you
but I cannot stand
will not allow 
tremble when
you to look at me like that 
a hand fast across your cheek and 
the universe of light fades away in your eyes 
why cry out?
it is, after all, your own victory
and pain
pain like that even a fool can understand

so how am I supposed to control 
how can I understand what I don't know
hold me
if you can't accept me 
my head against your chest 
like the mother who has abandoned her children 
as she stands in the doorway
her children naked and helpless and begging for her redemption
because it was all their fault from the beginning
and she does not have to apologize 
after all

whisper softly 
just like that 
and gently smooth the nightmares 
out of my hair
tell me that it's not my fault
that I never chose to be
yours

Author's Notes: 

Well. This was long, to say the least. Saionjii's not one of my favorite 
characters, but he is an interesting person to write about. Please note 
that I am not in any way condoning his actions towards Anthy, but it isn't
just random violence (he does hit Miki once, but I won't get into that). 
I've tried to at least touch upon the immense complications of their 
relationship with this poem. Tell me what you thought of it at 
rachel_rewind@hotmail.com.