Just in time for Canada Day, it's a tasteful and patriotic tribute to one of the pressing national issues facing Canada today. No, wait, that's something else. As far as spoilers go, this takes place between episodes 21 and 22 of the television series. There are mild spoiler references to the movie, and some jokes rely upon knowledge of the movie and the full television series. A poster may be found at http://www.thekeep.org/~harnums/sagn.jpg We, the responsible, can be reached at: Alan Harnum - harnums@thekeep.org Paul Corrigan - corrig11@pilot.msu.edu * * * Once upon a time, mes enfants, there was a little princess, and she was very sad, because her father's kingdom had fallen to his enemies, and many other children had come to the kingdom who did not speak her language, and who laughed at and teased her because she could not speak theirs. One day there came a prince from the east. He spoke to her in her own language, saying, "Fear not, my child, for one day this land will be free once more. Take this ring in memory of me," he went on, and gave her a ring with a white lily flower crest carved in blue stone. It is possible that the ring was an engagement ring. Which was all very well, except that the little princess was so taken by the prince that she decided to get back at the other children, not by making her father's kingdom free once more, but by making it French! But was that such a good idea, mes enfants? SOVEREIGNTY-ASSOCIATIONIST GIRL NANAMI OR POUTINE-NARU HIGH TRIP A "Blame Tobuko Lamer" Production by Alan Harnum and Paul Corrigan _Shoujo Kakumei Utena_ concept devised by BePAPAS Sovereignty-association concept devised but never really defined by le Parti québécois [Touga's Room of Moping (see the Black Rose arc). The "Largo" from Dvorak's Ninth Symphony is still playing--Touga has apparently been so traumatized by actually being foiled by somebody that he can't even make the effort to change the record on his gramophone. Close-up shots of the gramophone, Touga's brooding face, the windows. Move out to the hallway beyond, where Nanami is watching through the cracked door with concern on her face.] Nanami [thought]: Oniisama is still brooding, even after that nice party I threw for him, and having that sword pulled out of him by Keiko. And we still don't know who those mysterious Black Roses are. If only there were some way to get my brother back to normal... something I could do to make him feel better... so he'd come back, and take over the Council again... and I could stop doing all that paperwork... [Cut back to Touga. His lips move, slowly.] Touga: Pou... [Nanami starts.] Nanami [thought]: Oniisama... spoke? Touga: ...tine. Nanami [thought]: Pou...tine? What... of course! I remember now! [A spinning yellow rose (to indicate a Nanami flashback) appears. Unfortunately, it's far too large and fills the entire screen, so that only flickering bits of colour can be occasionally seen at the edges as it spins.] Nanami [VO]: Five years ago... when we went on our family vacation to Montreal, Canada... what incredible sights! The Biosphere... the Olympic Stadium... the Botanical Gardens... the Old Port... [As Nanami speaks, the tiny bits of the screen not covered by the spinning rose change colour. We're probably missing some lovely scenery.] Nanami [VO]: ...and the poutine! Oh, Big Brother loved that poutine he had so very much... Young Touga [VO]: Cheese curds! And gravy--on french fries! Why... these Quebecois are culinary geniuses! Young Nanami [VO]: Oniisama, let me try some! Mr. Kiryuu [VO]: Touga, Nanami--that poutine is terribly fattening, and bad for your heart. Throw it away immediately! I forbid you to eat poutine ever again! Young Touga [VO]: But, Father-- Young Nanami [VO]: Papa... Mr. Kiryuu [VO]: Stop arguing! Or would you rather go and live with your father from the movie? [The spinning rose disappears, to reveal Nanami in the library of the Kiryuu manor, sitting at a table and rapidly flipping through a stack of dusty books.] Nanami [soft voice]: Oniisama and I never ate poutine again... I'd forgotten all about that, until now. If oniisama had some poutine... [Nanami's eyes widen and shimmer as she lapses into fantasy. The scene fades to Touga's Room of Moping, seen through a diffuse lens to indicate the imaginary nature of it. The "Largo" is still playing.] Touga [brooding]: ... [Suddenly, the door opens, and Nanami rushes in carrying a steaming dish of poutine, with a silver fork delicately stuck into it.] Nanami: Oniisama! [Touga looks up. He sniffs the air, inhaling the enticing odour of the poutine. His eyes widen.] Touga: Pou...tine. [He rises from the chair and spreads his arms wide.] Touga: Nanami! Nanami [flying through the air, poutine held carefully in her hands]: Oniiiiiiiiisaaaaaamaaa! [Touga catches Nanami in a gentle embrace. The poutine lies between them, wafting steam fragrantly into the air. Nanami raises a single french fry, covered in melted cheese curds and gravy, to Touga's lips. Touga's eyes sparkle. Nanami's eyes sparkle. The "Largo" abruptly changes to the "Overture" from Offenbach's "Gaîté Parissienne". Touga eats the poutine.] Nanami [quaveringly]: How is it, oniisama? Touga: Nanami... [he clasps her fork-holding hand in one of his] It is perfect. That was just what I needed. And now... [A rapid series of still shots. Nanami and Touga eat poutine at the dinner table. Nanami and Touga eat poutine at a table at a seaside cafe. Nanami and Touga eat poutine on Ohtori's lawn, underneath a shady tree. Nanami and Touga eat poutine in Ohtori's greenhouse, while Utena and Anthy stand outside in the pouring rain and watch hungrily through the windows. Cut back to reality, with Nanami standing up on the library table and clutching several books to her chest.] Nanami: That's just how it will be! [laughs gleefully] But... [Suddenly collapses to her knees on the table, dropping the books, with tears streaming down her face] Not one book in the Kiryuu library has a recipe for poutine! [Fade out, and fade in to...] [...a gravy and cheese curd soaked french fry. A drop of gravy falls off. Cut to the drop falling onto Chu-Chu (much to his annoyance), who was munching on a cracker in the lap of the person holding the fry, namely:] Utena: Poutine? [Utena and Anthy are sitting under a random tree at Ohtori, where Utena, Anthy and Wakaba are having lunch. Anthy has brought her beautiful lacquered lunch box, full of gravy-soaked French fries covered in melted cheese curds.] Anthy [all smiles as always]: Yes. I thought it might be fun to try something different. Wakaba [peering at the fry suspiciously]: That's gotta be bad for you. [glomps onto Utena] Utena darling, you can't eat that! It'll ruin your figure! Utena [ironically]: Let me guess, you prepared me a beautiful Japanese lunch and I gotta eat it or you'll just die, right? Wakaba [surprised]: How'd you know? Anthy [suddenly concerned]: Oh, I'm sorry! Should I have made takoyaki instead? Utena [laughs nervously]: Heheh...uh, no, that's okay, Anthy...long as it ain't shaved ice, I'm happy... Anthy [titters]: My, Miss Utena, don't be silly! If I had made shaved ice it would have melted by now! Utena: Yeah, that's probably the only reason knowing you... [She opens her mouth to eat, but suddenly the fry is snatched from her] Huh? Wakaba [giving Anthy a _really_ suspicious look, and waving the fry in her face]: Wait a sec. You sure this is safe? Anthy: Oh? Wakaba: Yeah. It's not going to explode and make Utena switch bodies with Chu-Chu or somethin' is it? Anthy [beaming again, only a little too broadly now]: You have absolutely nothing to worry about. [beat] I think. [Wakaba flings the fry away like it was a poisonous snake and throws herself onto Utena.] Wakaba [in tears]: Utena! Don't eat it, I'm telling you! You'll die! Utena [defeated]: Okay, Wakaba, I will eat your lunch... Wakaba [jumping up for joy]: YAY! Anthy: I see... Utena: Just don't jump on me like that a...huh? [Anthy has just stood up; she is clutching the lunch box crammed with poutine to her chest, looking a tad disappointed.] Anthy: Very well, Miss Utena. As you wish. You are not obliged to eat it. [sighs] Though there's far too much for me to eat myself. A terrible waste really. Wakaba [totally unsympathetic]: So get Chu-Chu to help. [opening her lunch box and picking up rice with chopsticks to feed Utena with] Utena darling, say "ah!" [Chu-Chu hasn't waited for permission, and is already attacking the poutine like a starving man. He looks up at his mistress with a concerned air, his mouth all gravy and cheese curds.] Chu-Chu: Chu? Utena: Anthy, don't start, all right? Nobody said I wouldn't eat it. Besides, you went to all the trouble of... Anthy: No, it's all right. It was no trouble at all. [sighs again] I don't blame you for being apprehensive about eating my cooking, after all the trouble I caused with the curry. Do you, Chu-Chu? [Chu-Chu makes small chus of consolation. Anthy smiles endearingly, and strokes his head.] Anthy: I'm glad you think so. Thank you. You're a good friend, Chu- Chu. Utena [stage whisper, to Wakaba]: Wakaba, apologize! Wakaba [turning up her nose in disdain]: I refuse to apologize for protecting my boyfriend. Utena: I am NOT your boyfriend! Anthy: I am afraid I must be off. Miss Utena, enjoy your lunch. What _am_ I going to do with all this, I wonder... [She turns to go, only to find behind her...] Miki: Himemiya! That looks delicious! What is it? Anthy [all smiles again]: Ah, Miki, what a pleasant surprise! This is called poutine. It's French fries with gravy and cheese curds. Would you like some? Have as much as you like. Miss Utena won't be having any. Utena: HEY! That's my lunch! Wakaba [horrified]: Miki, no! [Miki takes the lunch box and digs in, a beatific smile on his face.] Miki: It's delicious! The taste of potato, gravy and cheese combined in ideal proportions so as to transport a diner to paradise! [He munches some more, as Anthy looks on endearingly. A few moments pass.] Utena [gives Miki a dirty look]: Kissup. Wakaba [finally]: Oh. Guess it was harmless after all. Miki [eyes glittering shoujo manga style]: Himemiya, may I please have the recipe? I'd love to eat your poutine every day...! Wakaba [to herself]: I dunno, sounds pretty perverse to me...[takes a sip of tea] Anthy: If Miss Utena says it's all right... Utena [flippantly]: Hey, I don't mind, as long as you save some for me... [Wakaba spits out the tea very loudly, starts to laugh uncontrollably.] Utena [irritated]: Now what? Anthy [inspecting the poutine supply]: Hm. I really did make far too much. Miki, do you think Miss Arisugawa would like some of Utena's poutine as well? Miki [completely missing the joke]: Oh yes, definitely! [Wakaba is now rolling on the ground like a madwoman, gasping for air.] Miki [confused]: What did I say? [Meanwhile Nanami is sitting under another tree, being ceremoniously served lunch by Tsuwabuki while reading Natalie Savage Carlson's _The Talking Cat and Other Stories of French Canada_. Some joker has affixed a sticker of Luna from _Sailor Moon_ on the cover.] Nanami [a bit concerned]: Nothing in here either... Tsuwabuki: Your lunch, Miss Nanami. After lunch is English with Mr. Onsen-Mark... Nanami: Tsuwabuki! Tsuwabuki [snapping to attention]: Yes, Miss Nanami! Nanami: Do you know how to make poutine? Tsuwabuki: Um...no, Miss Nanami, why? Nanami: Oh. Well, do you know who might? Tsuwabuki: Um...no. Sorry. I don't even know what poutine is. [throws himself at her feet] Miss Nanami, I've failed you! Don't hate me, please! Nanami [smiles tenderly, strokes his hair]: Oh, Tsuwabuki, it's all right. I only hate people for good reasons. Tsuwabuki [tears of joy]: Oh, thank you, Miss Nanami! Nanami: Oh yes, while we're on the subject, did you ever get rid of that Marie girl? Tsuwabuki [sweatdropping]: Um...so what sort of a dish is it anyway? Nanami: Hm...to my best recollection it was fries with gravy and cheese curds. It's a Quebecois dish. Tsuwabuki: A what dish? Nanami: A dish from Quebec. In Canada. Tsuwabuki: Oh. [He sits and thinks in dramatic anime fashion. Suddenly a flash of inspiration.] Tsuwabuki: Oh! Wait! Marie's mom is from Quebec City! She has a big blue and white flag hanging up in her room in the dorm...[covers his mouth] Oops! Nanami: Superb! I'll ask... [She stops herself, and suddenly grabs Tsuwabuki by the shoulders. She picks him up and begins to shake him, her face a fearsome mask of rage.] Nanami [in a terrifying voice]: And what [shake] pray tell [shake] were you doing [shake] _there_? Tsuwabuki [suitably terrified]: Oh feathers! I'm sorry, Miss Nanami! Don't kill me! [Wakaba, who chooses that moment to burst out laughing so hard she can be heard loud and clear from Nanami's tree, probably saves Tsuwabuki's life.] Utena [off, from her side of the lawn]: What the hell is with you today, huh? Wakaba [off; stopping her laughter momentarily]: ...Julie Arisugawa eating Utena's poutine... [cracks up again] HAHAHAHAHAHA! [Nanami's ears perk up almost visibly.] Nanami: Poutine? [She dumps Tsuwabuki on the ground unceremoniously and gives him one last glare.] Nanami: I'll deal with you later. [clasps her hands together, sparkly eyes; dramatic little girl's voice] Oniisama, your little sister is coming to save you! [Exit, skipping merrily. Tsuwabuki looks on stunned.] Tsuwabuki: ... [On Team Utena's side of the lawn...] Miki [still confused]: No, really, what did I say that was so funny? Anthy [deadpan]: I don't know. Perhaps Miss Arisugawa might know... Utena [suddenly catching on]: Wait! NO! Don't ask her! I mean it! [Nanami wraps her arms around Miki from behind. Miki promptly goes red. Wakaba, who is still laughing like a hyena, doesn't even notice.] Nanami [sweetly]: Hello, Miki! Anthy [alarmed]: Oh my! Wakaba's turning blue! Utena [disgusted]: And what do _you_ want? Nanami [sweetly]: Nice to see you too, Tenjou. Miki, is she bothering you? [Wakaba finally runs out of air; she stops laughing, and recovers enough to start composing herself.] Miki: No, I... Nanami: Anyway, given what a huge noise you were making over here I couldn't help but overhear something about Utena's poutine... [Wakaba goes off again.] Utena [firmly]: Anthy made me some for lunch. That's _all_. [to Wakaba] Cut that out! [Nanami looks confused for a moment, then lets go of Miki, covers her mouth and laughs piercingly like Kodachi Kuno.] Nanami: OHOHOHOHO! As if I cared about what you get up to with Julie Arisugawa, though it wouldn't surprise me at all. Miki: Nanami, what's all this about...? Nanami [blushing, tittering in fake embarrassment]: Oh, I'd rather not say. Ask your sister. She knows _everything_ about that sort of thing...! Miki [sweatdrops]: Um... Nanami: Anyway, I was curious because I actually knew what poutine was--not being as ignorant as you, of course--because I'd had some when I went to Montreal as a child and it had been so long since I'd had any... Anthy [politely]: Would you like some poutine? Nanami [overjoyed]: Really? You're serious? After all the horrible things I've done to you in the past? [clasps Anthy's hands] Oh dear God, you've no idea how much this means to me! Utena [confused]: ...'k... Nanami: I can really have some? Anthy: If Miss Utena says it's all right... Utena [throws up her hands]: Fine. Don't leave any for me, see if I care... [Wakaba suddenly stops laughing and stands up.] Wakaba [firmly]: That's right! My lunch is much better than that muck anyway! Nanami [cheerfully]: Well, if you say so, I'll take it all! [She grabs the lunch box with the poutine and runs off. The others stare after her, except for Anthy, who smiles and waves.] Anthy [calling after Nanami]: See you later! Don't forget to return the lunch box! Wakaba: ... Utena: Um. Miki, you know Nanami better than I do. What just happened? Miki: I really don't know. Anthy: Miki? Miki: Um...yes, Himemiya, what can I do for you? Anthy: Would you lend me your stopwatch for a moment? Miki: Of...of course! I'd be honored! Utena [disgusted]: I think I'm gonna hurl. Wakaba [concerned]: Oh. You don't want the rest of your lunch, then? [Nanami runs like the wind towards the school gates and the Kiryuu house, jumping over bushes and shrubs as she goes. On the way she runs into Kozue and her latest beau as they make out behind a bush she jumps over...] Beau: AAAAAA!!!! Kozue: SHIT! Can't a girl get some privacy around here!? Nanami: Sorry! [...as well as straight into the three stooges, who lie in wait on the path to the main gate the gate armed with bouquets...] Suzuki: o/` Je t'aime... Yamada: o/` Je t'aime... Tanaka: o/` Je t'aime... [*POW*] Nanami: Sorry! [...and while running through Houou's streets leaps over Akio Ohtori's car as he attempts to drive back to work after lunch, surprising him so much he loses control and hits a fire hydrant, which promptly bursts.] Akio: [staring helplessly as his wrecked car fills with water] Oh my God! My insurance! Nanami: SORRY! [Finally she makes it to the door of the Kiryuu mansion, out of breath.] Nanami [gasping]: Onii...sama...I'm home...[looking down at the poutine]...I brought you your...poutine...whew. Hm. My, I'm pretty hungry myself. I never did finish lunch, did I? [Back at the field, Anthy is holding the stopwatch, a wicked glint in her eye.] Anthy: Trois... [Cut back to the Kiryuu mansion] Nanami: I should probably have some first to see if it's up to my brother's standard... [Field] Anthy: Deux... [Mansion] Nanami [picking up a fry]: The proof of the pudding, et cetera... [Field] Anthy: Un... [Mansion] [Nanami pops the fry in her mouth.] [*CLICK*] [*BOOM*] [The noise from the explosion at Villa Kiryuu is loud enough to be heard at Ohtori Academy. The house also just happens to be in the line of sight of Team Utena in their particular part of the campus.] Utena: Oh, God, no... Anthy [all smiles]: Oh dear. Did I do that? Utena: I thought you said it was safe! Anthy: Miss Utena, I said you had absolutely nothing to worry about. I never said a word about anybody else. [Back at the mansion, Nanami lies passed out, covered in French fries and gravy.] [Inside Touga doesn't appear to notice anything has happened for a moment. "Largo" continues to play in the background. Then suddenly he quietly rises, goes to the gramophone and removes the Dvorak record. He puts it back the the rest of the collection and digs through the other records, as if searching.] Touga: Ah. Here we are. This should be appropriate. [He seems to find what he's looking for at last. He pulls out an LP, puts it on the gramophone and returns to his seat. It turns out to be a record of Quebecois folk music.] Gramophone: o/` Mon pays ce n'est pas un pays, o/` C'est l'hiver... [Outside the mansion. Nanami comes to.] Nanami: Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé? [She looks down at her yellow uniform, covered in gravy and cheese.] Nanami: Quel horreur! _Jaune_? Quel couleur...anglo! [Nanami puts her hand to her forehead and swoons. Fade out.] [Darkness.] Multiple Voices [overlapping]: Did you hear... did you hear the news... Acting Student Council President Nanami Kiryuu... in an accident... [Fade in to a hospital bed, with Nanami lying in. Close up on her sleeping face. Her eyes open. Simultaneous with that is the sound of a book being closed. Pan back, to reveal Tsuwabuki rising from a chair beside the bed, a concerned expression on his face and his notebook under one arm.] Tsuwabuki: Miss Nanami... Nanami: Quoi? Tsuwabuki [confused]: What? Nanami [annoyed]: Quoi? Tsuwabuki [more confused]: What? Nanami: Parle en français! Français! Tsuwabuki [near tears]: What? [Fade out to the Student Council's balcony, with Julie and Miki sitting at the table. Both are wearing large Mexican sombreros.] Julie: My sources tell me that Nanami is recovering nicely. Miki: Mine say that she'll be back at school by tomorrow. [Their eyes meet briefly, shaded rather ominously by their hat brims] Julie [darkly]: So... Miki [sadly]: So... Julie: Do _you_ remember which of us gets to be Acting President until she gets back? Miki [hanging his head]: No. Do you? Julie [also hanging her head]: No. Shall we check the conduct manual? Miki: Why don't we just janken for it? Julie [extremely serious]: That will do. [Cut to a shot of Miki's lightly clenched fist hitting the table once.] Miki's Voice: Jan. [Cut to a shot of Julie's fist doing the same.] Julie's Voice: Ken. [Cut to a diagonal split-screen shot of both their fists hitting the table] Julie and Miki's Voices: PON! Saionji's Voice: Hold it! [Cut to Saionji, standing in the entrance to the balcony. He is wearing a green fez.] Saionji: As the Vice-President, I am the one destined to take over while the Proxy President is incapacitated. [smirks] Any problems with that? [Cut back to Julie and Miki. They're now wearing fezs as well.] Julie [disdainfully]: None. Miki [also disdainfully]: None. [Saionji strides over and sits down at the table. His fez threatens to slip off, and he adjusts it.] Saionji: First order of business. I don't think there are enough posters of my face around the school. Miki [somewhat interested]: Will Miss Julie and I get posters of our faces too? Saionji: No. Nanami's Voice: Halte! [Camera swings back at high speed from the table, leaving the three Council members distant figures gathered around a table. They all look up. Even at this distance, it's easy to see the shock on their faces.] Miki: Nanami... [Cut to a shot of Nanami's feet, clad in white high-heeled boots, and framed by spinning fleurs-de-lis. Pan up, slowly, revealing that Nanami is basically wearing her Council uniform in different colours: what was black is now white, what was yellow is now blue. And a white fleur-de-lis is emblazoned on her chest.] [Cut back to the shocked faces of Miki, Julie and Saionji, who are now wearing blue berets.] Julie: Nanami... [Cut back to Nanami's face, with a tiny smile on it. Pan out to reveal that her hair has been bleached almost chalk-white.] [Cut back to Saionji's face, eyes wide with disbelief.] Saionji: Nanami... [Cut to full-body view of Nanami, resplendent in her new uniform.] Nanami: Oui? [Fade out. Fade into a view of the front of Ohtori. Zoom in to a view of the OHTORI ACADEMY kanji on the wall; close-up of the kanji for ACADEMY. Scroll backwards, over the OHTORI kanji, to the familiar rose crest--which has disappeared, covered by a hastily-applied blue poster with a white fleur-de-lis on it. Underneath for good measure is another hastily applied poster, with the French text ÉCOLE PHOENIX in very large Roman characters. Cut to the rose atop the gate, to which the same has been done. Cut to a medley of shots of places where the rose crest (or any sort of rose-themed design at all) was; all of them have fleur-de-lys posters papered over them. As these shots come onto the screen, we hear Nanami speaking.] Nanami [VO]: As you are all barbarians and can't understand the mother tongue, I've deigned to speak in a language you can comprehend merely for purposes of putting in place the necessary improvements to this academy. First of all, the roses have to go; their association with British imperialism is far too great. [As she finishes speaking, there is a final shot of the Dueling Arena gate, almost completely obscured by overlapping fleur-de-lis posters.] Nanami [VO]: Secondly, all classes from this day forth are French immersion. I want every student of l’École Phoenix to be fluent in the mother tongue as soon as possible. Miki [VO]: Hey, Nanami, since this is Japan, our mother tongue _is_ technically... Nanami [VO]: Silence! [Cut to a shot of a classroom. The students are bent over their books. Some look near tears. The teacher stands at the front, openly weeping.] Teacher [half-choked by grief]: Classe... attention... [struggling] s'il vous plaît. Aujourd'hui... [almost unable to speak, but finally manages] "L’histoire de Genji." [Cut to a shot of a chemistry lab. The teacher is sweating while flipping through a large Japanese/French dictionary.] Teacher: Cautionner... il est... explosion... [beat] no, wait, that's not... does anyone know the adjective form of... [Pan out to show the students thumbing through Japanese/French dictionaries while trying to complete their lab experiments. Suddenly, the door to the classroom bursts open, and Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka enter, wearing blue and white sashes over their regular uniforms. They grab the teacher and march him from the room.] Teacher [pleading]: No... you don't understand... I don't... NO! NO! Don't make me go back there--I've already been there twice. I'll be good! I'll be good... listen! Listen! I love French! [singing off- key] Frére Jaques, Frére Jaques, dormé vú? dormé vú... [he is removed from the classroom and his voice fades away.] [The students look at each other.] Student #1: Say, is that supposed to be bubbling like that? Student #2: Haven't the foggiest. I couldn't understand a word he was saying. [Fade out to the sounds of an explosion. Fade in to the Council's balcony, with Nanami speaking to Saionji, Julie and Miki.] Nanami: Finally, as far as the more... unorthodox activities of this Council are concerned, there will also be some changes. Our goal is no longer Revolution. [Rapid shots of the shocked faces of the other Council members.] Nanami: Instead, we shall seek... Sovereignty-Association! Julie [numbly]: Sovereignty... Miki [also numbly]: ...association. Saionji [confused]: What does that mean? Nanami: Well... you see, that's where we as a school enter into a sovereignty-association. Julie: Nanami... please, just give us a precise definition. Miki: And isn't the idea of "sovereignty-association" a bit paradoxical? Nanami [smugly]: Can someone please give me a precise definition of just what we all meant by "Revolution"? [Julie and Miki hang their heads.] Julie: You have a point. Nanami: Oh, and finally, I'm tripling the fencing club's budget. [Julie and Miki perk up suddenly.] Nanami: Fencing is a very French activity. Saionji: What about the kendo club? Nanami: Well, actually, I was just about to get to that... you see, we don't actually have any more money in the budget than we did, and kendo isn't very French at all, so, in order to provide the funds for the fencing club... [Saionji rises and slams his hands down on the table.] Saionji [furious]: I won't stand for this--the kendo club has a long and proud history at Ohtori. Don't expect to see my face here again until our budget is restored! I'm leaving! [Turns and strides towards the exit. Julie and Miki, conversing with heads bent low, don't even seem to notice him going.] Julie: Let's buy some of those really fancy foils. Miki: Ooh, the ones with the gold buttons on the tips? [Nanami begins to file her nails, as Saionji pauses at the exit.] Saionji [loudly]: I said, I'm leaving. Julie, Miki, Nanami [simultaneously]: Fine. [Saionji looks wounded for a moment, then turns on his heel and departs.] Julie: Good riddance. Miki [looking through a catalog produced from somewhere]: Ooooh, Miss Julie, can I get a monogrammed uniform? [Cut to a close-up of Nanami's smiling face.] Nanami [softly, very pleased]: Excellent. [Fade out] [Camera up--bordered by fleurs-de-lis--on a blackboard reading in large letters in French:] 27 JUIN LES PLATS DU JOUR POULET FRIT AU SUD--600 yen HAMBOURGEOIS--550 yen aux frites--600 yen POUTINE--350 yen [Underneath is written what is possibly a translation in Japanese. It's hard to say; the writing's too small to read.] Utena [off]: So when's Tatsuya getting out of the hospital? Wakaba [off; disappointed]: Only about a week. [Cut to Utena, Anthy, Wakaba and Chu-Chu in the École Phoenix/Ohtori Academy cafeteria, where they have decided to eat in (a few days have passed since the poutine incident). Chu-Chu is munching on a croissant.] Anthy [all smiles again]: Well, that's good to hear. How's your chicken, Miss Utena? [Utena puts down the piece of _poulet frit au sud_--i.e., Southern fried chicken--she has been munching on.] Utena [sarcastically]: Oh, très bon, c'est très, très bon. [disgusted] This is all your fault, I hope you know. Wakaba [giggling]: I think it's kinda fun myself. [munches on a burger] This "hambourgeois" is delish! Utena: Yeah, well you weren't the one who had to paint a new sign all by herself for the East Dorm--oh, I'm sorry, "Résidence Est"--just so Nanami's goons would leave us alone... Anthy [apparently a little hurt]: Miss Utena, not that it matters, but I made a point of painting a new sign myself, without waiting for you to ask. Utena: Look, you, were you trying to get us in trouble? [Anthy deliberately closes and puts down her copy of _Histoire de Babar le petit éléphant_.] Anthy [subtly catty in the way only she is capable of--and mind you it would be quite tricky]: I haven't a clue what Keiko got so upset about. The new regulation says that all signs must either be all in French, or that if they do contain Japanese they must contain French text twice the size of the Japanese text. I made a point of following the regulation to the letter. Utena: They are _supposed_ to say the same _thing_! Anthy: That wasn't in the regulation text. Besides, some things are always lost in translation... Utena: What, you thought a big sign saying "Nanami est un vache" wasn't going to make Keiko blow a fuse!? Anthy [endearingly]: Now, Miss Utena, don't you remember my cow Nanami? Utena [pulling at her hair]: Somebody shoot me...! Wakaba: Y'know, I really don't see the problem. We can talk in Japanese all we like outside of class, and just because the French signs have to be bigger than the Japanese signs doesn't mean we can't read the Japanese signs like we did before. I think you're worrying about it too much. Utena: There's no _need_ for _any_ French signs at _all...! Nanami: Au contraire! [Utena turns to see Nanami and Tsuwabuki behind her. Naturally the shot of Nanami is framed by fleurs-de-lis itself.] Nanami: Tenjou, you do not understand the fragility of la culture phoenixienne! It must be promoted whenever possible! Utena [burying head in hands]: Oh God... Nanami: To have such prominent Japanese text was the maximum concession I could make to ignorants like you. You should be grateful. Utena: Oh, yeah, I'm in heaven. Say, Nanami, what say you let the teachers lecture in Japanese again... Nanami [firmly]: Impossible. Utena: ...except, they have to talk twice as loudly in French as they do in Japanese. So even dumbasses like me can understand, but if they get out of control and talk in Japanese above a whisper they get what's coming to them. [smiles artificially] So everybody's happy. Nanami [thoughtful]: Ah oui...why didn't I think of that? I'll bring it up at the next council meeting. Utena: Um, Nanami, I was kidding. You know? Joke? Whatsit... Anthy [helpfully]: Plaisanterie. Utena: ...thanks... Plaisanterie? Ha ha ha? [the penny drops] Council meeting? You mean Julie and Miki agreed to this? Nanami: Oui. Why do you ask? [Cut to the gym where Julie and Miki are trying out their new foils. As usual, Miki is beaten.] Miki [taking off his mask]: You win again. Julie [taking off hers, her hair flowing out movie-style]: Only just. I've never seen you in such fine form. Miki: Has to be the monogrammed uniform. Isn't it just to die for? Julie: Isn't it, though? Miki: You know, if Nanami has given up the cause of revolution, should we be letting her cause this much chaos? [Suddenly he has Julie's new foil at his throat.] Julie [coldly]: If I have to part with this foil, Cyrano de Bergerac may forgive you, but I will not... Miki [gulps loudly]: Okay... [Cafeteria] Wakaba [perking up, smiling; pulls out a chair for Nanami]: Say, Nanami, your new uniform's a trip. Where can I get one? Anthy: Bonjour, Nanami. Nanami [graciously sitting down]: Et bonjour à vous, Himemiya. So how is everyone's lunch? Utena: Oh, fine, fine. I'm just lucky I was able to order any. It's kinda hard when you don't know what the hell the lunch lady's talking about...I mean, "hambourgeois?" Nanami: That is what you barbarians call a hamburger, ignorante. Utena: I know that. Nanami: Impressionant, n'est-ce pas? The cafeteria staff took much less time than I'd thought they would to get used to greeting and serving the students of la belle école in the mother tongue. Utena: Yeah, I'm sure it helped you had the three stooges breathing down their necks the entire time. Wakaba: Say, Tsuwabuki, you want a seat? Tsuwabuki: Ce ne sera pas necessaire, mademoiselle. [ceremoniously hands Anthy back her lunch box] Mlle. Nanami vous remercie de la poutine. Anthy [smiling endearingly]: Ah, de rien, de rien! Tu parles bien français! Tsuwabuki [blushing a bit, hand behind head]: Merci. Pour devenir son frère aîné, Mlle. Nanami m'a dit qu'il faut apprendre à parler parfaitement la langue maternelle. Utena: Huh? Anthy [translating]: Tsuwabuki just thanked me for the poutine. I mentioned his French was very good. He replied that if he wanted to become Nanami's big brother he had to learn to speak the mother tongue. Or so Nanami said. Utena: ...'k...well, that's as good a motivation as any, I guess... Nanami: There, you see? If Tsuwabuki or even a weirdo like Anthée Himemiya can manage it, why can't you? [to Tsuwabuki] Merci, Tsuwabuki. You may go now. Tsuwabuki: Merci, mademoiselle. [exits] Anthy [looking in the box]: She could have washed it just the same... Utena [exasperated]: Look, Nanami, do we really have to put up with this bull? Nobody at this school even speaks French! Except the French teachers, of course, and, well... Nanami [begins to start into a speech]: I told you. We have a duty to preserve the unique French cultural heritage that sets l'École Phoenix apart from the rest of Japan... Utena: What French cultural heritage? This is a Japanese school! Always has been! Nanami: Do you not remember from the history of the school you were given when you enrolled here that the school was founded by the Sisters of St. Jean-Baptiste from Montréal in 1946? Wakaba: [munching on the last bite of food] She's right you know. [rises] I'm going for seconds. Be right back. [exits] Utena: And what's with this "École Phoenix" crap? Nanami: Mais, that is the proper French name of our school. Utena: Nobody ever called it that! Not even the nuns! Nanami [sniffs]: Well, I can't help it if some people don't value their own culture. Utena [suddenly standing, getting in Nanami's face looking positively murderous]: Now look here! Nanami [yelling back at her]: Assisez-vous! Anthy: Non, Nanami, c'est "asseyez-vous." "Assisez-vous," c'est un québecisme. Utena: What? Anthy [in full idiot savant mode]: Mlle. Nanami asked you to sit down. However, she used not the proper conjugation, but a non- standard one used only in Quebec. [beat] This is probably a side effect of the distinct cultural background of poutine. Utena [smirks at Nanami]: Poser. Nanami [livid]: What would a weirdo like you know about it!? Anthy [thoughtful]: Perhaps I should have made croissants for lunch the other day instead... [Keiko suddenly shows up, looking rather spooked] Keiko: Mademoiselle! Venez vite! Utena [leafing through a dictionary]: "Come quick?" Why, what's happened this time? Somebody speak in a manner which the listener can understand? Nanami: I must go, Tenjou. [rises to go] Your proposal for language volume regulations will be taken into due consideration. Au revoir. Utena: Yeah, good riddance. Nanami [narrow eyes]: Pardon? [Utena leafs through the dictionary again a moment, then motions to Nanami to come closer. She approaches Nanami as if she were about to whisper, and then:] Utena [at the top of her lungs]: BON DÉBARRAS! [Nanami covers her battered ear, gives Utena a last scowl, and exits. Utena sits back down.] Utena [sighs, burys head in hands again]: No prince is worth this... Anthy: If you say so, Miss Utena. Utena [deciding to change the subject]: So like, when's Akio's car gonna be fixed? [Chu-Chu has finished his croissant, and has decided to take a nap.] Anthy: They're not sure. It's a very special model, so spare parts are hard to obtain. He was very upset about the whole business... [A sob comes from behind her; she turns to see:] Wakaba [in tears]: Utena...Saionji...he... Utena: Huh? Wakaba? [rises to meet her, takes her by the shoulders] What's wrong? What did Saionji do? Wakaba: He...I...well...um...you know how he was, like, expelled, and stuff? Utena: Yeah? Wakaba: Well, he begged me to let him stay with me for a few days...and I guess a few days turned into a few weeks and... Utena: Well, that explains where he...wait. You didn't... Wakaba: No, but...for a while I thought he really liked me, but...after he got back into school it was like he didn't like me any more, so I wrote him a letter asking him what I did and...[breaks down] Utena: What? Wakaba: I can't say it! Anthy [looking rather ashamed]: Um... Utena [the penny drops]: Oh shit, not again...Anthy, we gotta go. I'll see you back at the dorm. Wakaba, come on. [Exeunt. Anthy returns to her book.] Anthy [to herself, softly]: o/` Plaisir d'amour n'endure qu'un moment, o/` Chagrin d'amour endure toute la vie... [Cut to a bulletin board where several students are gathered around Wakaba's billet doux.] Student: "Since you abandoned me, Saionji, it's like there's an enormous gap in my soul..." Oh Jesus Christ, it's the same handwriting as before! Damn, is this one dumb chick or what? [General laughter, derision. Enter Wakaba with Utena, who sees what they're looking at immediately.] Utena [clearly beginning to simmer]: That's it. I'm going to kill him. I swear I'll kill him! Give me that! [rips the letter off the board] Bastards, what are you looking at? Get out of here! Come on, Wakaba, he's going down and you're going to help me send him there! [starts to drag Wakaba in the general direction of the kendo building] Wakaba: Are you going to duel with Saionji again? Utena: No, I'm going to rip his head off with my bare hands and shove it up his-- [A hand snatches the letter off Utena.] Utena: Huh? [The hand is Keiko's. Nanami is there with Tsuwabuki, her three goons Keiko, Aiko and Yuuko, and the three stooges Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka.] Keiko: That letter is evidence! Nanami: Now, now, now, we can't leave this sort of thing to vigilantes, Tenjou. Mlle. Shinohara, you said Saionji posted this? Wakaba: Um...yes... Nanami [softly]: Don't worry. Leave it to me. I'll see all the power of l'École Phoenix is brought against him for this outrage. Wakaba [overjoyed]: Oh, Nanami! Thank you! Utena: Um, Nanami, that's nice of you, but there's really no need to... Nanami: Mais, such an act, by such a high-ranking member of our student body, is no longer just the business of yourself and Mlle. Shinohara, but of all of l'École Phoenix! Come with me. I need witnesses. [Team Nanami leads the way to the kendo building, with Utena and Wakaba in tow.] Utena: Well. I guess Nanami isn't so bad after all, huh, Wakaba? [beat] Wakaba? Wakaba [sparkly eyes]: Oh, Nanami... Utena: Um, Wakaba? Wakaba [in rapture]: I'm in love!... Utena: WAKABA! Wakaba: Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot you were there. You may go now. Utena: What is it with you and Nanami today? What, am I not cool enough all of a sudden? Wakaba: It's the uniform. Girls dig the uniform. I mean, yours is _so_ yesterday. Utena [a bit concerned, inspecting it]: What, you think so? [Inside the kendo practice hall. Saionji is practicing as usual. The door slams open, at first out of our line of sight.] [Shot of Saionji in profile.] Saionji: Miss Acting President, school regulations clearly state that the kendo club is permitted use of this facility until the end of the semester, despite the fact we no longer receive Academy funding. [A hand shoves the letter towards the back of his head.] Nanami [for it is she]: What is the meaning of this? Saionji: It means that while I live you are not converting this room into office space for your gang of troublemaking harpies. [Camera on Nanami and her gang, who have entered the hall. Utena and Wakaba are standing in the door.] Keiko: That’s l'Office de la langue française de l'École Phoenix, idiot! Nanami: Non! I mean what are you playing at by posting this on a public notice board, Monsieur le Vice-Président? Saionji: [turning to see] What do you mean...oh... [He sees the letter, then Wakaba looking heartbroken, then Utena looking really angry, then back at Nanami and Keiko looking angry as well.] Nanami: Mlles. Tenjou and Shinohara are my witnesses. Normally I would have left it to my subordinates, but in the case of such a prominent person as yourself I would have felt negligent if I did not see justice served myself. Keiko: It's a good thing Monsieur le Président is not here. I shudder to think how he might have reacted to such an outrage as this... Saionji [to himself]: It was Touga's idea the first time around... Nanami: Quoi? Saionji [aloud]: Fine! Fine! Do you want me to apologize? I'll apologize! [bows dramatically; obviously not sorry] I'm sorry! There, satisfied? Nanami: Oh no, you don't! Apologizing won't save you for such a heinous act! No, you will face the full consequences of your actions! >From you, a member of the Student Council, violation of a regulation passed by the Council is nothing short of treason! Utena: Well. Thank God for that. Should have been done long ago... Nanami: And so, in the name of the Student Council I decree that for his violation of the sign law of 24 juin Kyouichi Saionji be relieved of his post and administered the maximum penalty the law allows! [Dead silence. A few crickets are heard chirping.] [Utena and Wakaba just stand there looking like stunned fish.] Utena: ... Wakaba: The...sign law? Nanami: Oui! Posting this letter is a clear violation of regulations! There's not a word of French in the whole thing! Rene Levesque may forgive him, but I will not! Wakaba: [starting to tear up] 'k... Nanami: Why, what did you think I was so upset about? Wakaba [throws herself into Utena's arms, wailing]: WAAAAAA! Utena, I'm so sorry! I'll never betray you again! Utena: ... Saionji [snatching the letter off Nanami, leafs through it desperately]: Wait, wait, I'm sure there's some French in here somewhere...oh, here we are! The salutation! "Cher Saionji!" There we go, that's French, right? Keiko: Written in katakana. That doesn’t count. Saionji: Nanami, this is a set up and you know it! You can't do this! I'll have the Chairman on you! I'll...I'll tell your brother and he'll be very angry, see if he's not! I'll... [Aiko walks over to Utena and Wakaba, holding two fleur-de-lis pins as an offering.] Aiko: Thank you for your help in preserving the cultural heritage of l'École Phoenix. Please accept these pins as tokens of our gratitude. We'll take it from here. Wakaba: WAAAAA! Utena [still stunned]: ... Nanami [to Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka]: Take him away. [Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka start to drag Saionji off to his doom.] Saionji: Utena Tenjou! Utena [snaps out of it]: Y...yes? Saionji: You are the one engaged. Only you can stop Nanami now. No matter what, do not let her achieve...sovereignty-association! [The three stooges drag him away.] Utena [shocked]: Sovereignty-association...! Wakaba: Utena, I don't understand. What's sovereignty-association? Nanami [dusting her hands off]: Well, so much for him. Mesdemoiselles, you may move in right away. Keiko, Aiko, Yuuko [cheering in French]: Hourra! Utena: I really don't know. Nanami, what's this sovereignty-association business? Nanami: Oh, that! Simple. Instead of starting revolution--with all the messiness that involves--I simply want to achieve sovereignty-association. In a democratic society-- Utena: No, really, what is it? I've read all the brochures you and your pals have printed. I still don't understand. What _is_ sovereignty-association? Nanami [with an ominous smirk]: Oh, I think you'll find out soon enough, Utena Tenjou. [doing the Kodachi again] OHOHOHOHOHO! Wakaba [a bit scared]: Utena... Utena [suspiciously]: Let's just move on, Wakaba. [They depart, leaving Nanami laughing and her henchwomen running around the kendo hall and making plans for where the furniture will go.] Wakaba [tugging on Utena's sleeve]: Utena, what did Saionji mean when he said that you were "the one engaged"? [suddenly, she scowls] Are you cheating on me? You are, aren't you? Aren't you? Utena [sweating]: Hey, who knows, it's Saionji. He's a little... [circles her ear with her index finger] Wakaba [putting her nose in the air]: Fine. Be that way. Hmph. Utena: Ahh, Wakaba, don't be like that. Wakaba [sadly]: Only one thing will prove you're still devoted to me, Utena... Utena [nervous]: Ahh... what? Wakaba [gleefully]: A piggyback! [leaps onto Utena's back. Utena staggers, takes a deep breath, and manages to remain upright.] Utena [muttered]: Should've known... [They walk off into the distance, heading over a hill towards the sunset, as the scene fades.] [Fade into Anthy and Utena's room. Late evening. Moonlight on the floor. Shot of Utena, lying on the top bunk, hands behind her head.] Utena: Hey Anthy, what do you think Nanami means by 'sovereignty- association'? [Cut to Anthy, lying on her side on the bottom bunk, Chu-Chu cuddled asleep beside her.] Anthy: Actually, Miss Utena, I... [Back to Utena.] Utena: What? [Back to Anthy.] Anthy: I haven't the slightest idea, Miss Utena. [Back to Utena, who has just facefaulted in her bed. After she composes herself:] Utena: Hey, if the Student Council is seeking sovereignty-association instead of Revolution, do you think maybe that means they're not going to want the Rose Bride any more? [Back to Anthy.] Anthy: I really don't know. I suppose it could all be some elaborate plot on Nanami's part to somehow draw out those mysterious manipulators from the shadows who manipulate ordinary students into fighting duels. [Utena.] Utena: Those manipulative bastards! [Anthy.] Anthy: I did hear that she's doing something at Nemuro Hall that's disrupted Mr. Mikage's seminars. [Utena.] Utena [murmured]: "Only you can stop Nanami now..." What did he mean by that? Anthy: What's that, Miss Utena? Utena: Nothing. Good night, Anthy. Anthy: Good night, Miss Utena. [Fade out. Fade in to Mikage and Mamiya's underground chamber. They're looking, as usual, at a black rose in a glass case.] Mamiya: Hey, look, we're down to the last black rose. Mikage [darkly]: Until we regain control of Nemuro Hall... Mamiya: Isn't it Édifice Nemuro Memorial now? Mikage: [frutstrated] Fine!...until we get control back from that lunatic Kiryuu woman, it won't matter. She's commandeered the elevator for something sinister and disturbing. Mamiya: Can she do that? Mikage: Nemuro Memorial Hall--or whatever the hell they call it these days--and its programs are technically under the dominion of the Student Council. Only tradition has left us with a great deal of autonomy. [beat] We are still technically a part of Ohtori, and thus subservient to the Council. Mamiya [sadly]: So we are. So long as Édifice Nemuro Memorial remains a part of Phoenix, we are subservient to the Council. Mikage: Yes. Mamiya: Yes. Mikage: Hey, Mamiya, how come I can't leave the basement right now? Mamiya [paging through the script]: Because Utena Tenjou is supposed to show up soon to investigate the sinister purposes to which Nanami has turned Édifice Nemuro Memorial, and to have her meet you before Episode 22 would contradict the canon. Mikage: I think we just blew the fourth wall straight to hell. Mamiya [nonchalantly]: Yes. [beat] Wanna go get some sodas? Mikage: Okay. [They leave. Fade out, fade in to Utena creeping out of the front door of Résidence Est/East Dorm, late evening, the moon bright overhead. She's changed out of her pyjamas and back into her usual uniform. She walks swiftly up the hill towards the main campus, through the gates, and sneaks around the campus (hiding behind trees, edging around buildings, looking from left to right constantly, crawling through underbrush, etc) towards Édifice Nemuro Memorial/Nemuro Memorial Hall, where she tiptoes up the stairs to the silent, dark doors.] Utena: Whew. [She wipes a hand across her forehead.] [The doors open up suddenly, and Aiko and Yuuko are on the other side, each with a big smile on her face.] Aiko: Bonsoir! [She reaches out, grabs Utena by the hands, and drags her inside.] Utena: Hey--whoah! [Inside, it can be seen that Nemuro Memorial Hall has been bedecked with Quebec flags, which clash with the dark and gloomy decor something awful.] Aiko [overjoyed]: It's so good to see you, Mlle. Tenjou; I'm really glad to see that you came in for a session voluntarily, instead of having to be summoned. Mlle. Nanami will be so happy. Utena [confused]: Huh? Session? Aiko [profusely overjoyed]: Mlle. Nanami has developed a wonderful technique for transforming the school's students into experts of the true culture. Utena [even more confused]: True culture? Yuuko [excessively overjoyed]: It's really amazing, they go in the elevator quoting Basho, and they come out saying "Vive l'École Phoenix!" Utena [dubious]: Isn't that kinda like brainwashing? Yuuko [blinking]: Hmm? Utena [really dubious]: Sounds kinda suspicious to me. And, what, are you guys keeping this place open 24-7? Don't you need to sleep? Yuuko [grinning madly]: I'm only on duty until tomorrow morning... then I'll... then I'll get to sleep... [grin begins to waver] I slept yesterday... I think... Aiko: [beginning to crack herself] I'm almost certain I slept yesterday... [whispered] Didn't I? [Suddenly, as one, Aiko and Yuuko burst into tears and drop to the ground, hugging Utena's knees.] Aiko: Oh my God, Tenjou, you've got to do something, you're the only person we've ever seen stand up to Miss Nanami! Yuuko: She's gone completely mad, she's going to kill us all! Utena: What's she done to you? [kneels down and hugs them] There, there...um...what are your names again? Aiko: She made us watch _Jésus de Montréal_ yesterday! Utena: Is that all? I heard that was a great movie... [to herself] Or so Akio says... Yuuko: Yes, but four times straight? Utena: Well, yeah, that's overkill... Aiko: Without subtitles? Utena: Yes, that would suck... Yuuko: Strapped down to a chair so I couldn't escape? Utena [suddenly realizing the gravity of it all]: My God... Aiko: Shot through with electricity if I showed any signs of incomprehension? [sobs] Yuuko: That's not the worst! We had to listen to Céline Dion albums on headphones while we slept--the last time we slept, whenever that was! Aiko [sobbing into Utena's chest]: When I woke up all I could do for hours afterwards was sing every damn song on the damn _French Album_, pronouncing every single lyric perfectly! AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW FRENCH! I took _German_ last year! [babbling] Bratwurst! Autobahn! Glockenspiel! [Suddenly, Nanami's gloating laughter is heard. Aiko freezes like a deer caught in headlights, still clinging to Utena like she's the only thing keeping her up.] [Utena turns. At the end of the hallway, Nanami stands, hands on her hips, Keiko beside her and with Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka behind her. The three boys are all wearing Montreal Canadiens hockey jerseys.] Keiko: See, Mlle. Nanami? I told you they might get rebellious! Nanami: Très bien, Keiko! Utena [angry]: Right! Nanami, this has gone far enough--you're acting like a total lunatic! Nanami: [enraged]: Lunatic! I'm fighting to preserve my people's culture! Utena: You're insane! [Aiko and Yuuko let out despairing wails and lets Utena's legs go, collapsing to the floor.] Yuuko: Oh, all is lost--all is lost! Aiko: We'll be forced to watch that tape of Maurice Richard hockey highlights until the end of time! Utena [aside]: Geez, get a grip. Keiko: We won't let you destroy our heritage, Utena Tenjou! [pointing, snapping at Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka] Anglais! Suzuki [charging]: o/` Anglais Yamada [charging]: o/` Anglais Tanaka [charging]: o/` Anglais Utena [smirking]: Hah, right, you think _these_ three are gonna be able to take me down? [She cracks her knuckles.] Massed voices: o/` Anglais [Suddenly, a huge crowd of glaze-eyed students and faculty, all wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys, emerge from the shadows behind Nanami.] Crowd [charging]: o/` Anglais Utena: Oh, merde. Nanami: OHOHOHOHOHO! [Utena reaches down, grabs Aiko and Yuuko by the hands, and hauls them to their feet at a run, as the huge crowd of brainwashed students and faculty pursue them down the twisting halls; Aiko and Yuuko are being dragged by Utena as much as running under their own power.] Aiko: Miss Tenjou--leave me behind! I'll only slow you down! Yuuko: Me too! We'll look after each other! You have to escape at any cost! Utena [panting, barely keeping ahead of the pursuers]: I can't do that! Crowd [gaining]: o/` Anglais Aiko: You have to--I'll be okay! Yuuko: Me too! I can stand the rehabilitation, if it means Nanami's mad scheme will eventually be stopped! Utena: No, really, I can't. Aiko: You must! Utena [blinking]: Well, okay, if you're so insistent. [She drops them both, and begins to run faster. Aiko and Yuuko are engulfed by the pursuers. Utena turns a corner. Behind her, the pounding feet follow.] Crowd: o/` Anglais Utena: Geez... they don't give up, do they? [As she passes a door, it opens, and a large male hand grabs her and hauls her inside. The screen goes dark, and the sounds of a struggle are briefly heard, as the feet of her pursuers pound by outside.] Utena's voice: Hey--hey, get your hands off me! Saionji's voice [with a lacklustre, exhausted, monotone quality to it]: Be quiet, Utena Tenjou. Utena's voice: S-Saionji? [Suddenly, a penlight clicks on, revealing Saionji's face roughly three inches from Utena's. The two of them are inside what appears to be a broom closet. A very cramped broom closet.] Saionji: While you are no doubt wondering why I have dragged you into this broom closet, let me assure you it was purely out of concern for your welfare. Had Nanami's brainwashed horde caught you, all would have been lost. Utena: Since when have you been concerned for my welfare? Saionji: Since Nanami's insanity robbed the kendo team of its funding. You are the Engaged One, Utena--only you can stop Nanami. Utena: Hey, what are you doing in this broom closet, anyway? Saionji [hanging his head]: Hiding. I've already undergone Nanami's "treatment" twice since you last saw me--only my love for Anthy allowed me to endure. That, and the cotton balls I stuffed into my ears after they put me in the elevator. Utena: The elevator? Saionji [shell-shocked]: They put you inside... and music starts to play... and you go down... there's a TV screen, and they show you... they show you... [shaking his head] I can't speak of it. And, at the end, you get poutine. The poutine is actually pretty good, but the rest of it... [shudders] Utena: Why aren't Miki and Julie doing anything about this? Saionji: Didn't you hear? Nanami took away the kendo team's budget and gave it to them for the fencing team. They've been caught up in playing with their pretty new toys for the last few days. Utena: But... they don't know what's going on here, do they? Students being brainwashed... surely, if they did, they wouldn't let it go on? [Resolute and determined] You're still on the Student Council, right? You've got to help put a stop to this! Tell them or something... Saionji: I could, I suppose. Not that they'd listen. In any case I'd rather sit here in the closet and huddle into a ball... I can still see it when I close my eyes... Utena: Look, Saionji, you've got to come out of the closet sooner or later! Saionji: I'll come out of the closet when I'm good and ready! [Dramatically] I need to be alone! A man must confront these demons by himself! Utena: You're going to start crying, aren't you? Saionji [shamefully]: Yes. [Cut to a shot of Utena dragging the sobbing Saionji out of the broom closet by his hair.] Utena: Looks like the coast is clear...Okay, Saionji, what's the quickest way out of here? Saionji: [still sobbing] Back door's down the corridor, I think. [continues to blubber] [Exeunt Utena and Saionji, Utena dragging Saionji all the way. After a moment, the door across from the closet opens up, and Mikage pokes his head out and looks around to make sure she's gone.] Mikage: Whew. [sips on a soda] --- [Cut to the back door of Édifice Nemuro Memorial/Nemuro Memorial Hall, which opens to let Utena and Saionji out. Utena is still dragging Saionji by the hair.] Saionji: You can let go of my hair now. Utena: Oh, right. [She does that. Saionji immediately stands up and looks as suave as ever.] Utena: All right, listen. You go to the Student Council meeting and tell them what you know, and I'll... Saionji [interrupting]: Utena Tenjou, even if the rest of the Council were inclined to listen to me under any circumstances, which they aren't, I have no proof. Even if I had, after all the trouble they've let Nanami cause, do you have a reason to believe they'll really care? Utena: I'm not done! I was _going_ to say I was going to go to the Chairman and tell him about all this. He's a good listener... [getting all starry-eyed] Saionji: Wait. You've actually seen the Acting Chairman? Utena [puzzled]: Uh, yeah. Why? Haven't you? Being on the Student Council and being important and stuff? Saionji: No. Hardly anybody has. He's almost impossible to get a hold of. Utena [puzzled]: 'k. You know, I thought Akio'd be more involved... Saionji: My dear, do you really think it would have come to this if he were? [beat] Wait. Akio? Utena: Yeah, that's his... Saionji: Yes! Yes! I mean how well do you know the man? Utena [hand behind head]: Turns out it's Anthy's brother, actually. Saionji [looking _very_ worried for his safety now]: Oh. Dear. Voice: Now, now, Saionji, he doesn't bite. [Saionji and Utena turn to see Anthy in her school uniform, cheerfully sipping a soda a little bit away on the Nemuro lawn.] Utena: Um. I thought you'd gone to bed long ago. Anthy: I had. I couldn't sleep, so I took a walk. Would you like some soda, Miss Utena? Utena: No thanks...look, your cooking made Nanami like this. Do you think it could cure her like it did us the last time? Anthy: Hm. I suppose it could. Though I couldn't possibly predict the side effects. Saionji: Much the way you couldn't predict my soul being switched with that...blast it, what is that thing, anyway? Anthy: Oh, no, Saionji, that was completely deliberate. Saionji: WHAT!? Anthy: I thought it'd be fun for him. You have no idea how much Chu-Chu enjoyed being in charge of the kendo club. It was a shame I had to switch you two back eventually... [Saionji grabs Utena by the epaulettes.] Saionji: Utena Tenjou! What have you been making my Anthy do!? Utena [sweatdropping]: Nothing, that chick does whatever the heck she wants. You haven't figured that out? 'Sides, you can't kill me, I'm the only one who can stop Nanami, remember? Saionji: Oh, right. [lets her go] Utena: Okay. To cure Nanami, we gotta get her to eat Anthy's poutine again. I dunno how we're going to do that right now, though. First things first. We gotta stop all this French crap. Anthy, when does Akio get to his office in the morning? [Cut to the elevator leading to la Chambre du Conseil des éleves/ Student Council Chamber. Cue the usual ominous music as the shadows of Miki, then Julie, then a few others--first Saionji, then Keiko and the others, then Tsuwabuki, and then at last Nanami, so that pretty soon the elevator is starting to look rather crowded. As they appear Nanami and her gang--le Parti phoenixien--are the ones to say the usual elevator paternoster instead of the Conseil/Council themselves. Not to mention it's all in French:] Keiko: S'il ne brise pas la coquille de l'oeuf, le poussin mourra avant qu'il ne naît. Tsuwabuki: Nous, nous sommes le poussin. L'oeuf, c'est le monde. Nanami: Si nous ne brisons pas la coquille du monde, nous mourrons avant que nous ne naissons. Brisons la coquille! Le Parti phoenixien: Pour la souveraineté-association du monde! [Cut to Nanami, slipping behind the wheel of what can only be described as a kind of red tank, onto which a fleur-de-lis has been spray-painted in white. In other words, she's behind the wheel of the Tougamobile from the _Adolescence of Utena_ movie. The Tougamobile is parked in front of what should be a red STOP sign, except the sign actually reads ARRÊT.] Nanami: Mlle. la Présidente de l'Office de la langue française, report. [Cut to Keiko, who's behind the wheel of a convertible beside Nanami. Aiko and Yuuko are in the back seat, looking like hell; their eyes are vacant, as if they've been drugged, and they look even more exhausted, with bags under their eyes.] Keiko: Replacement of all old Japanese signs with bilingual ones is proceeding on schedule. Replacement of all rose motifs on campus with fleurs-de-lis is however behind schedule owing to lack of funds. Permission to make a recommendation? Nanami: Granted. Keiko: Having signs in both languages not only is more costly than signs only in French, it also weakens the message that French is the chief language of l'École Phoenix. Can we not merely have signs in French only? Nanami: Sois patiente, Keiko. We must make allowances now for those ignorants who persist in speaking Japanese. Everything will be different when we achieve sovereignty-association. Which reminds me. Aiko, Yuuko, comment allez-vous? Aiko and Yuuko [in a monotone]: Tres bien, Mlle. la Presidente. Nanami: They're looking better. Hopefully they won't slip again. How long were they in the Richard room last night? Keiko: Seven hours. I think it did them good, mademoiselle. Nanami: I think so too. Anything to add, Aiko? Yuuko? [The two just stare blankly.] Nanami: Très bien. [Someone sounds his horn loudly] Nanami: [noticing the sound, turning to look] Oh, Monsieur le Vice-President. I see you're still alive. Did you want to say something, or just the way to the door? [Cut to Saionji, who is sitting behind Nanami in a jeep--the Wakabamobile. Our angle lets us see the sign has reverted to a normal STOP sign.] Saionji: What is the meaning of this? What are all these people doing here? And what in blazes are you up to in Nemuro Hall? [Miki clicks his stopwatch.] [Cut to Miki, who is sitting in the Kozuemobile, beside Saionji. Our angle allows us to see the sign is now bilingual, saying ARRÊT on top and STOP underneath.] Miki: The minutes state that le Conseil opened its meetings to the public to allow for full and frank reports and discussion on the implementation of the sign and decor regulations. The facility in Édifice Nemuro was also approved by le Conseil without objection. [Cut to Julie, who is sitting behind Miki in a purple coupe with frilly seat-cushions--the Shiorimobile.] Julie: Yes. You'd know that if you'd bothered to come to meetings. You could even have complained. Not that we'd have listened, but it'd have kept you out of trouble. Saionji: I was held against my will by Nanami's stormtroopers! Julie: It's your own fault for violating the sign regulations. Nanami: In any case, you're out of order, Saionji, so be quiet. Mlle. la Trésorière, report on the financial situation. Is there enough money for the replacement of the roses? [Julie digs out what are presumably accounts, inspects them for a moment.] Julie: Hm. Let's see. I'm really not sure the money is there. Cutting back on clubs won't do it anymore. I mean, you have no idea how many blasted roses there are to replace, Mlle. la Présidente. Le Comité directeur could give it to us, but to find it they might well have to fire several staff members. Of course I could persuade a few to resign voluntarily, but I'd really rather not do that. Miki: Anyway, don't we have other things to be doing right now? Like finding out the nature of the Black Rose Duelists? Keiko: Nothing is more important than preserving la culture phoenixienne! [Aiko and Yuuko mutter something that might be "Oui, oui." It's hard to tell; they're pretty incoherent right now.] Saionji: Dear God, listen to yourselves! You really think the Board of Trustees--oh, I'm sorry, "Le Comité directeur"--will fire half the staff of Ohtori Academy to satisfy Nanami's philistine sense of aesthetics? If they had any sense at all you'd have all been expelled long ago! Julie [smirking]: I'm sure you have a great deal of experience about the pains of expulsion, right? Saionji [pouting]: That was cold. Nanami: In any case, pretty soon we'll have the authority to appropriate the funds ourselves, no matter what they think about it. I have copies here [pulling out some sheets of paper] of the new charter which I plan to present to le Président de l'École, and then, if he has no objections, to le Comité directeur for final approval. [She passes the copies around to all present. Miki and Julie look a little concerned when they see what's printed. Saionji starts to laugh derisively.] Saionji: HA! Oh dear Lord...Miss Acting President, you expect no objections to _this_? [*CLICK*] Miki: Yes. Aren't we going a bit far? Julie: This Student Council is already pretty powerful. I don't see how we can use all the new authority you want for us... Nanami: This is the absolute minimum we can use. Besides, they'll give it to us whether they want to or not. I move that if they don't approve of the plan we go ahead and establish sovereignty-association immediately. Any objections? Saionji: I know I do! Anybody who wasn't completely insane would! Nanami: Aiko, Yuuko, s'il vous plaît, take him back to Nemuro where he belongs. Saionji: The hell you will! [Aiko and Yuuko get out of the car and march like zombies to Saionji's jeep. Saionji pulls out his shinai.] Saionji: You stay away! Aiko [pointing to the stop sign]: What's that? Saionji: Huh? [Yuuko grabs the shinai and knocks him upside the head. They drag his unconscious body out of the jeep and back to the elevator off camera.] Miki [nervously]: Reserving the right to object... Nanami [smirking]: Feeling lucky, Monsieur le Secrétaire? Miki: Well, no, but...can we really achieve sovereignty-association without the Rose Bride? Nanami: That little weirdo? Au contraire! Je vous présente...la Mariée du lis! [Cut to Tsuwabuki, who is standing on the sidewalk beside Nanami's Tougamobile. He's now wearing an outfit much like Mamiya's, except it's blue with the white fleur-de-lis motif. Evidently he is the new Mariée du lis/Lily Bride.] Nanami: Une mariée phoenixienne pure laine, perfect for l'École Phoenix! What do you think? Tsuwabuki: Euh...Mlle. Nanami, vous voulez dire "_le_ Marié du lis," n'est-ce pas? Je veux dire, je suis un garçon... Julie: He has a point. He'd be the Lily Bride_groom_, if anything. He is a boy, after all. Miki [truly impressed]: Julie, you actually speak French? Julie [smiling, looking cool]: If I wanted to I could do anything right! Nanami [baiting her]: Could you dance with the devil on a Saturday night? [Somewhere, Akio sneezes.] Julie [spluttering]: My point is, he can't be a Rose Bride or a Lily Bride, being a boy. It just doesn't work that way. [In Mikage's basement, Mamiya sneezes.] Mikage: Are you all right? Mamiya: Fine. Must have caught a cold. It had to be the fresh air. Oh dear, I thought Utena Tenjou and that fool Saionji would never leave! Mikage: _You_ weren't stuck in a damned closet all that time... what are you growing now? [Beside the single black rose are several white lilies.] Mamiya [smiling]: Thought it was time for a change. [Cut back to la Chambre du Conseil/the Council Chamber.] Nanami: Details, details. Miki: Anyway, even if you want to replace the Rose Bride, you're going to have to get rid of the old one, which means getting power over her. [*CLICK*] That means beating Utena Tenjou. You've never beaten her, you know. Nanami: That was then. Now, though, le peuple phoenixien are on our side. If it comes to that, I'll surely defeat her, with their help. So don't worry your pretty little head, eh, Miki? [to Keiko] That reminds me. How many of the students have successfully completed treatment at Nemuro? Keiko: About forty percent now support sovereignty-association. A majority shouldn't be too far away now. Nanami: Bon. Any objections to presenting the charter to le Président later today? Miki: None. Julie: None. Nanami: Bon. I'll do that. If there's nothing else, I move we adjourn... Miki: There was something else. A piece of correspondence... Nanami: Ah! From le Bout de la Terre? Miki: No, not from End of the World. Actually from the Chairman. [hands it to Nanami] It looks like a bill for car repair... Nanami: Quoi? [She starts reading it. As she does so Keiko turns the engine of her convertible over, and floors the accelerator, flying off into the wild blue yonder. Miki and Julie quickly follow suit in their vehicles, leaving Nanami in the dust. Cut to the stop sign; the ARRÊT/STOP logo has been replaced, this time by a depiction of Shadow Girl C-ko dressed as a policeman, holding her hand up and blowing a whistle.] Nanami: Quel horreur! [Cut to Akio's taxi from the movie pulling up to an ARRÊT sign. Akio gets out.] Akio [to the cabbie]: That's _how much_? [beat] Fine. [hands the cabbie altogether too many bills; the taxi pulls away] This is humiliating. [He turns to see Anthy and Utena standing at the front door of la Tour du Président/the Chairman's Tower.] Anthy [beaming]: Oniisama. Welcome home. Utena [smiling as well, but more nervously, her hand behind her head]: Hi, Akio. We gotta talk. Like, now. [Tableau. The background changes to C-ko's shadow-play stage, and her accordion music begins to play as she enters.] C-ko: Extra! Extra! [C-ko pops down out of sight for a moment, and rises back up seated at a table, wearing a large curly wig, with a spoon in one hand. In an egg-cup before her, an egg with the wide end up rests.] C-ko [doleful voice]: I am the last... the last of my kind... [Suddenly, she brings the back end of the spoon's bowl down upon the egg, breaking it with a sharp crack. As she continues to talk, she eats.] C-ko: They're all against me, the ones who crack their egg on the improper end... but I'll show them... I'll show them all... I'll show them that my end is the proper end... then they'll see! Then they'll be sorry! [The egg finished, she drops her spoon on the table and burps lightly.] C-ko: Délicieux! [The table breaks in half with a sharp crack, spilling her to the floor and out of sight.] Utena: Doesn't it taste the same whatever end you eat it from? Anthy: It's a matter of tradition. [Fade out] [Close up on Utena. She's rather flushed, and is breathing heavily.] Utena: And...so...that's...what's...been...happening...Akio... [Cut to Akio on his couch. He laughs pleasantly.] Akio: Now, now, Miss Tenjou. I am not unaware of the problem. [Panoramic view of Akio's office. Akio and Anthy are seated on their respective couches; Utena is running on the spot.] Utena: So...like...why...haven't...you...done...anything? Akio: Well, I wasn't fully aware of the gravity of the situation myself until Mr. Mikage complained about the appropriation of Nemuro Hall by the Acting President and her assistants... [Utena stops running and fixes Akio with a firm stare. Chu-Chu munches on a cracker.] Utena [dramatic outrage]: Akio! You mean you'd need to have mass brainwashing of students before you'd do anything!? She's causing havoc! She's gotta be stopped! Innocent lives are at stake here! Akio: Miss Tenjou, believe me, I'm well aware of the incident at Natural Science. I don't think anybody was killed, though. Please, calm down. Sit. Have some tea. [Utena sits. Anthy pours her some tea.] Relax. Getting excited won't help. [sips his own tea] Miss Tenjou, I believe that at the age you and the Student Council are now, children can no longer be allowed to use the judgment of adults as a crutch. Possibly you'll have heard complaints about how hard I am to get a hold of. This--you may ask the President about this, when he returns to school of course--is partly deliberate. It simply won't do for the Council to come to me over trivial matters. Utena: Okay, whatever, but...how come you always seem to be there when _I've_ got a problem? [Akio laughs pleasantly again.] Akio: Well, Miss Tenjou, you're a completely different case. You're my sister's friend. As her brother it's my job to see that everything in her life is in order. As her friend, you're something in her life, so I need to see that for you, too, all's in order. In any case, a man's a fool to neglect his friends, and as you're my sister's friend, you qualify as my friend too. Utena [blushing a bit; her hand goes behind her head]: You think so? Akio [his smile broadening]: Am I wrong? Anthy: STOP IT! [The others look at her.] Chu-Chu: Chu? [Chu-Chu is clinging on to the rim of Utena's teacup.] Anthy: If you wanted tea, you should have asked! You know better than to drink Utena's! Bad Chu-Chu! Tell her you're sorry! [Chu-Chu chus apologetically. Akio splutters.] Akio: Would you like another cup? Utena: Nah, that's fine... Akio: Where was I? Yes. I was well aware of the Acting President's recent actions. [takes another sip of tea] However, I felt that her sudden fascination with our school's history was harmless and actually rather touching. Would that many more students had her level of pride regarding the school's heritage. I was also amazed at how popular the measures appeared to be. I'm sure the popularity of poutine in the cafeteria, at least, was genuine. It was quite good poutine, though nothing compared to Anthy's. Am I wrong, Anthy? Anthy [embarrassed, but pleased; titters]: Oh, oniisama, really! Utena [giving her the Narrow Eye Look]: Do tell. Akio: But you're right. I really must draw the line somewhere. I mean, really--mass indoctrinations? How she thinks anybody outside an insane asylum would stand for that is beyond me... Utena: Amen. So are you gonna go kick her ass now or... Akio [crinkling his nose]: Well, there's no need to be vulgar about it. But don't worry, Miss Tenjou. I fully intend to rein in the Acting President this afternoon. I would have done it this morning, but I had business to attend to in town, and of course I had to take a taxi there and back. That, and I wasn't expecting you two to show up. Utena [blushing, a bit ashamed]: Sorry. Akio: Oh, don't be like that, Miss Tenjou. You're always welcome here. [checks his watch] Be that as it may though, I'm sure you two have classes fairly soon, and for my part I know I have some words to have with the Acting President. So, if you'll excuse me... Voice: Mr. Chairman! [Akio looks up to see who it is. It is Keiko; she holds a copy of Nanami's "new charter" in her hand.] Utena: Oh, God, no... Anthy: Oh, hello, Keiko! Akio [irritated]: How did you get up here? Do you have an appointment? Keiko: No, Mr. Chairman. Akio: Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I was just leaving the office. I'm going to have to speak to the secretary about this. She's being altogether too lax in her duties. Anthy [all smiles]: I'm sure it wasn't her fault, oniisama. Keiko [as officially as possible]: I came here on the orders of the Acting President of the Student Council. She would have come herself but she is very busy this afternoon overseeing the school redecoration effort... Anthy: That's a shame. I always have so much fun with Nanami... Keiko [misunderstanding]: Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't come here to play! Akio: It just so happens I'm on my way to see her to order her to put an end to the absurdity she's been subjecting the school to. [rises, makes as if to go] Now, if you'll excuse me, miss... Keiko: Keiko Sonoda, sir. It's very important sir. I was ordered to give you something of great value... Akio [perking up]: Ah. Good. This is evidence she hasn't taken complete leave of her senses. So is she paying in cash or by check? Keiko: Unfortunately, it's not payment for the car. [Akio droops visibly. Keiko makes as if to hand Akio the charter.] These are proposed amendments to the school charter that the Student Council have approved at the President's urging, and have forwarded to you for your approval before bringing them to the Board of Trustees. I was asked to relay your decision to her, but as you're going to see her I suggest that you look at them before you go... Akio [capitulating]: Do I have a choice? [He takes the charter off Keiko, sits down again, puts on some reading glasses, and reads silently for a few moments.] Utena [sotto voce, to Anthy]: Wow. Glasses make a body look so intelligent, huh, Anthy? [Anthy is just now cleaning her own glasses.] Anthy: Yes, I suppose they do. Akio [finally]: Please sit down, miss Sonoda. [Keiko sits down between Utena and Anthy, who make room.] This is the Acting President's work? Keiko: Yes, sir. For the most part. We at l'Office de la langue française made some suggestions... Akio [a bit too cheerfully]: Well, then! Let's go through these one by one and we'll see what _you_ think of them, shall we? All right. First, the Houou campus is declared to have a, quote, "distinct cultural heritage." Keiko: Yes, sir. Akio [incredulous]: Distinct from what? That of our Amsterdam campus? Keiko: Well... Akio [ironically]: And does that perhaps possess an indistinct cultural heritage? Keiko [irritated]: I don't think it's fair to twist our words, sir. Akio [not at all sorry]: Well, if you'll excuse my unfairness in the face of absurdity, let's go on. What else? It seems the Student Council wants to allow the Houou campus to opt out of programs, including but not limited to courses on the curriculum, with financial compensation. Keiko: Yes, sir. Akio: Let me see if I have this straight. I'm supposed to just roll over and let the Acting President remove history from the curriculum and sack the social science faculty to pay for her redecorations? Keiko [nods; begins to lecture]: Yes. Being closer to the people the Student Council will know better than those in the far away Board of Trustees who don't understand their true needs just how to dispense school funds. Better the funds be used to preserve the culture, in my own opinion, than to indoctrinate students with material they'll never need, like economics-- Akio [cutting her off]: And on top of this the Student Council wants a veto on future amendments to the school charter. To prevent action being taken against any future mad schemes of hers, I take it? Keiko [waving her hand dismissively]: Yes, yes, yes, but that's just a failsafe. The next amendment is designed to reduce the chance of that ever happening. Akio: Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. The Student Council also wants the right to appoint three members of the nine-member Board of Trustees. May I ask who you had in mind? [On cue the three stooges pop up from behind the Utena-Keiko-Anthy couch.] Suzuki: o/` Poutine... Yamada: o/` Poutine... Tanaka: o/` Poutine... Utena: [looking up at them, disgusted] I should've known. Akio: Miss Sonoda, these fellows haven't even graduated yet! And you want them on the Board of Trustees? Keiko [turning up her nose]: Details, details. Akio: And last, but not least. Oh, this is priceless. The Student Council at the Houou campus wants exclusive control over enrollments? Keiko [nodding emphatically]: Why yes! And more importantly, exclusive control over dismissals. You must understand, Mr. Chairman, there are far too many weirdos currently applying to and attending this school. Akio [raising an eyebrow]: Is that so? Keiko: Yes, sir! [begins to lecture again] We have a duty to not only block further enrollments by weirdos but also purge the weirdos that have gotten in and are simply being passed along to each successive grade. The Student Council can be depended upon to be able to identify and remove weirdos much more quickly and effectively than the Board of Trustees... Utena [angrily]: So basically Nanami wants the right to boot me and Anthy out of school? Keiko: So far as that goes, yes. [Cue Fleur-de-Lis-Vision. Cut to l'Office de la langue française-- that is, the old kendo club, where Akio is standing at Nanami's new desk. Nanami looks up at him.] Akio: Well, if that's how it is, how can the Board and I be opposed? The new amendments have been approved unanimously! Vive le Phoenix libre! [Nanami jumps out of her chair; a big banner reading FÉLICITATIONS has appeared behind her.] Nanami: Hourra! [Cue the "This Girl's Tragedy" melodramatic Nanami theme, except this time Utena and Anthy fall away in a dead faint in a sea of lily petals.] Utena and Anthy [in unison]: Ohhhhhh... Nanami [towering over them and pointing to them dramatically]: OHOHOHOHO! The game is really up this time, Anthée Himemiya and Utena Tenjou! Adieu, et bon débarras! [The three stooges boot Anthy and Utena into orbit.] Voice: Nanami! [Nanami looks behind her to see...] Touga: Nanami. For too long my heart was bewitched and decieved by those weirdos. Now I realize you're the only one for me. Nanami [hugging him tightly, in a haze of lily petals; in Japanese]: ONIISAMA! [Close up on Nanami.] Nanami: That's what will happen! I call it Operation Eek!-Anthée- Himemiya-And-Utena-Tenjou-Are-Weirdos-Who've-Been-Messing-Up- Oniisama's-Head! [Touga's Room of Moping. Nanami is sitting beside Toga, to whom she has presumably been describing her plans. The Quebecois folk music record is still playing in the background.] Nanami: Don't worry, oniisama! I'll save you from those two's machinations yet! Then we can eat all the poutine you like! [Touga's cell phone rings. Nanami pulls it out of his pocket and answers it.] Nanami: Allô? Male Voice: Is Touga Kiryuu there? Nanami: If you're a girl, he dumped you. He's not talking to anyone. Male Voice: I am not a girl! Put on Touga Kiryuu! Nanami: If I must. [She gives the phone to Touga; much to her surprise, he accepts it.] Touga: Yes? Male Voice: The Chairman here. Student Council President, do you have any idea what your sister is up to? Will you say something to her? Touga: Certainly. Hello, Nanami. [hangs up] Nanami [overjoyed]: Oniisama! You talked! Touga: ... [Cut back to Akio's office. Akio is staring at his cell phone.] Akio: Fat lot of help he is. [hangs up, puts the phone down] This has gone far enough. If Nanami Kiryuu thinks she'll abuse her authority to settle her petty grudges with my sister she's got another thing coming... Keiko: Wait! Wait! She's not responsible for that passage! Akio: She isn't? Keiko: I'm the author! You see, it wasn't specifically intended for Anthée Himemiya! [Cue Fleur-de-Lis-Vision.] Akio [rising]: Well, if that's how it is, how can the Board and I be opposed? The new amendments have been approved unanimously! Vive le Phoenix libre! [Keiko jumps out of her seat; a big banner reading FÉLICITATIONS has appeared behind her.] Keiko: Hourra! [Cut to la Chambre du Conseil des éleves/Student Council Chamber.] Julie: With that in mind, I propose that Nanami Kiryuu be relieved of her post and that Nanami Kiryuu, Utena Tenjou and Anthy Himemiya be summarily expelled. Miki: Second. All in favor say "oui." Miki, Julie, Saionji: Oui. Nanami: Non! Miki: The motion is carried. [Cue the "This Girl's Tragedy" melodramatic Nanami theme, except this time Utena, Anthy _and_ Nanami fall away in a dead faint in a sea of lily petals.] Utena, Anthy and Nanami [in unison]: Ohhhhhh... Keiko [towering over them and pointing to them dramatically]: OHOHOHOHO! The game is up this time, Anthée Himemiya, Utena Tenjou and Nanami Kiryuu! Adieu, et bon débarras! [The three stooges boot Anthy, Utena and Nanami into orbit.] Voice: Keiko! [Keiko looks behind her to see...] Touga: Keiko. For too long my heart was bewitched and deceived by those weirdos. Now I realize you're the only one for me. Keiko [hugging him tightly, in a haze of lily petals]: TOUGA! [Close up on Keiko.] Keiko: That's bound to be what will happen! I call it Operation Eek!- Anthée-Himemiya-And-Utena-Tenjou-Are-Weirdos-Who've-Been-Messing-Up- Kiryuu-Touga's-Head-And-That-Goes-Double-For-His-Sicko-Sister! [covering mouth and laughing à la Nanami] OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! [A long moment of silence.] Utena: O_O;;;;; Anthy: *^_^* Akio [rising from his seat, towering over Keiko]: Absurd! Keiko [a bit concerned]: I take it you don't approve? Akio [muttering to himself]: For the first time in my life I think I'm losing my temper... [aloud] I don't know what's harder to believe, Kiryuu's trying to do all this or her thinking that I'll let her do all this. Keiko: Is that a yes or a no? Akio: NO! Keiko: Sorry. [Akio is now a distinct shade of crimson.] Akio [with a great effort at self-control]: Now listen, Miss Sonoda, this is what I'm going to tell Kiryuu and all her friends, so you may as well hear. Either all those damned French signs come down, all those squatters get out of the kendo facility and Nemuro Hall, and my car gets paid for by noon tomorrow, or I will personally ensure that everybody involved in this farce is expelled. Understand? Keiko [impassive]: Yes. Akio: Now get out of my sight. I have a headache. You can tell Kiryuu I'll be there soon. [sits down; sighs] Someone remind me again why I do this... Anthy [reaching across to pat his shoulder]: There, there, oniisama. It's okay. Keiko: Well. I see I have no choice. [looks at the three stooges; indicates Akio] Anglais! Suzuki: o/` Anglais... Yamada: o/` Anglais... Tanaka: o/` Anglais... [They close in on Akio.] Akio [realizing what's up]: What? You think you can overpower me, do you? Keiko: No. [Suddenly seemingly from nowhere appear dozens of brainwashed faculty and students--le Peuple phoenixien--filling the room.] Le Peuple [in unison]: o/` Anglais! Keiko: But they can. Akio [panicking]: WITCH! Accursed witch! Keiko: Insults will get you nowhere, Mr. Chairman. Anthy [beaming a bit too broadly]: Don't worry, oniisama. You'll be okay. [Le Peuple dive on top of Akio all at once, burying him and concealing him from further view.] Utena [dramatic anger]: BASTARDS! [Cue Anime Dramatic Slow-Motion (preferably in black and white). Utena tries to break through to Akio, but to no avail; there's just too many of them. Anthy continues to sit on her couch smiling to herself.] Utena: Akio! [Le Peuple toss Utena aside; she lands in a heap some distance away from the scrimmage.] Utena [desperately]: AKIO! [Finally le Peuple produce what is presumably Akio, wrapped up in a Quebec flag like a mummy, and carry him over their heads towards the elevator, in which they somehow all manage to fit. Utena can only watch helplessly as the elevator door closes behind them.] Utena [heartbroken, in tears]: Akio... Anthy [from her couch, smiling and waving]: Oniisama, bye bye! [Chu-Chu waves goodbye as well, when he's not pulling the be-da :P face.] [Pan out to a panoramic view of the office. The place is a shambles. Akio's couch is in tatters, daubed with blue and white paint, and slowly burning. (Anthy's couch is untouched.) The china tea set is mostly shattered. The planetarium is covered with spraypainted fleurs-de-lis and graffiti like VIVE LE PHOENIX LIBRE, LE PHOENIX AUX PHOENIXIENS and LE PHOENIX MON ÉCOLE, OHTORI MON CUL.] [Somewhere a pane of glass is heard to break.] [Utena pulls herself up from where she fell, and staggers over to Anthy.] Utena [softly]: All right. That's it. If I'm the only one who can stop Nanami, I'm the only one who can stop Nanami. Anthy...[whispers in her ear] Anthy [puzzled]: Now? Here? Is that necessary? Utena: Humor me, all right? [Close up of Keiko, who is no longer paying attention to them.] Keiko [triumphantly]: Long live a sovereign Phoenix, and quickly! OHOHOHOHO! Utena [off; singsong]: ...to revolutionize the world. [Suddenly a sword is at Keiko's throat.] Utena [yes, it's _that_ sword]: Take me to your leader. _NOW._ Keiko: Eep. Utena [grinning nastily]: What, don't understand? Anthy? Anthy [adjusting her uniform]: Try "emmène-toi à ton chef, vite." Utena: ‘k, thanks. [to Keiko] Emmène-toi à ton chef. Keiko: Um... Utena: _VITE!_ Keiko [frightened silly]: D'accord. [Keiko is marched off at sword-point into the elevator. The doors close. Fade to black. Fade in to a shot of the school incinerator. Miki creeps furtively into sight, an envelope clutched in his hand. He looks from side to side, then quickly opens the lid of the incinerator with his free hand and raises the envelope to drop it in.] Miki [thought]: I know this is going to come back to haunt me later on. [Suddenly, a hand closes over his wrist, preventing him from dropping the envelope.] Miki: Eek! [Pan back to reveal the hand belongs to Julie.] Julie: Miki... I'm surprised at you. [she hangs her head, profoundly disappointed.] Miki: Well, Miss Julie, you see... I can explain... Julie [sadly]: Let me guess. You, like me, received a letter from Ends of the World. "Stop Nanami at all costs!" it said. But, after seeing what happened to Saionji, you were afraid to defy Nanami. Miki [hanging his head, deeply ashamed]: Yes, Miss Julie. That's exactly it. Julie [even more sadly]: Miki, I'm surprised at this. Miki [whispered]: I'm not so strong as some people think... this duel Ends of the World wishes me to fight, the duel called "Référendum"... I don't want to do it! [clenching his fists, eyes misting with tears] You're right to be upset with me, Miss Julie. Julie [very sadly indeed]: I thought you'd at least ask me to do it with you. After all, we're friends. Miki [blinking]: You mean... you don't want to fight the duel called "Référendum" either, Miss Julie? Julie [shocked at the notion]: Oh, good God, no, do you think I'm mad? I saw what happened to Saionji. [Close-up of Miki's face, sparkly eyes.] Miki: Miss Julie... [Close-up of Juri's face, slight smile.] Julie: Miki... [Cut to the two of them clasping their free hands and holding their envelopes over the open incinerator.] Miki: Let's do it together! [Julie nods. They simultaneously drop their envelopes into their incinerator, which dramatically sends up a puff of smoke.] Miki [solemnly]: It is finished. Julie [even more solemnly]: Yes. [beat] Now, let us celebrate with milk and cookies. [Miki and Julie walk off with jaunty grins on their faces. Julie throws her arm affectionately around Miki's shoulders. After a moment, Utena's voice is heard off-screen.] Utena [OS]: Vite! _Vite_! Keiko [terrified, also OS]: Oui! Oui! [Miki and Julie pause, as Utena walks by, following Keiko and making near-jabs at her with the Sword of Dios. Anthy trails in their wake, smiling cheerfully, with Chu-Chu riding on her shoulder.] Miki: Miss Tenjou... [Utena looks up and waves. A manic grin is plastered across her face.] Utena: Hi, Miki; hi, Julie. Off to stop Nanami's mad scheme before it destroys us all. Catch ya later. [Anthy waves and smiles as they walk on.] Julie [shocked]: To use the Sword of Dios in such a way... to draw it outside of the Dueling Arena... Miki: Miss Julie... do you think Miss Tenjou is going to face the duel called "Référendum"? Julie: I do. [beat] Let's go watch. [They hurry off after Utena and the others. Fade out. Fade into Mikage's office at Nemuro Hall. It has been taken over by Nanami, and redecorated in the pervasive blue-and-white theme. The door is currently closed. Nanami is behind the desk, looking bored. Mikage is standing before her, a piece of paper clenched in his hand, in mid-speech.] Mikage: ...and so, if Nemuro Memorial Hall is not immediately returned to my usage for the purposes of running my seminars, the Mikage Seminar will have no choice but to enter into separation proceedings from Ohtori Academy, for the purposes of regaining the independence it has traditionally had. Nanami: Don't be ridiculous, Monsieur Mikage. You can't separate from l'École Phoenix. Your seminars are a vital part of it. Mikage [losing his cool]: I want my damn office back, you harridan! Nanami [perking up]: Say, have you gone through rehabilitation yet? Mikage [nervously]: Well, no... you're just trying to distract me, damn it! The Mikage Seminar has a cultural heritage entirely distinct from Ohtori Academy-- Nanami: That's l'École Phoenix. Mikage: --one which you're threatening to destroy permanently! I'll have no choice but to take my concerns to the Board of Directors if you refuse to hear them! Nanami: Now, Monsieur Mikage, what you fail to see is-- [A knock is heard at the door. Nanami looks up.] Nanami: I'm in the middle of-- Keiko [terrified, from the other side of the door]: Mlle. Nanami, I think Utena Tenjou would _really_ like to see you... Mikage [starting]: Tenjou! [looks frantically around for a place to hide, then sighs and hurls himself through the window in a spray of glass.] Nanami [blinking]: Finished now. Come in. [The door opens. Keiko enters, followed by Utena (still with the sword). Anthy, Miki and Julie gather in the doorway.] Nanami: Keiko! What's going on? [Keiko hurls herself at Nanami's feet, prostrating herself pathetically, tears in her eyes.] Keiko: Oh, Mlle Nanami, it was just terrible... but you'll make her pay, won't you? [glaring back at Utena] Now you'll be sorry! Utena: Right, Nanami, Duel Arena, now. Nanami [smirking]: So... _you_ are the one foretold. Utena: Huh? Nanami: The time has come for... Référendum! Utena: Huh? [Miki whispers something into Utena's ear.] Utena: What? [Miki whispers again] No, I had no idea, I was just angry about what happened to... I mean, of course, yes, Référendum, that was my intention all along. [laughs nervously] Nanami [smirking]: At last you see reason, Mlle. Tenjou. Utena [prosaic]: Lost my train of thought. Yeah. [dramatic] Here are my terms. I win, this French crap ends right now and the chairman goes free. OK? [Pause.] Nanami: D'accord. [smiles more obviously] But you may find me more difficult to beat this time...OHOHOHOHOHO! [Cut to Utena approaching the gates of the Dueling Arena. ZUM (Céline Dion Remix) plays as the standard ascension sequence occurs... up until she reaches the Dueling Arena, where the red rose design on the floor has been replaced by a white fleur-de-lis. Instead of the Castle of Illusion hanging upside-down in the sky, there is a rather shoddy-looking stadium. Nanami, Tsuwabuki (in his Lily Bride costume) and Anthy are already there.] Utena: Huh? Nanami: Ohohohoho! The Duel Arena seems to have automatically created an appropriate setting for the duel called "Référendum"! [points at Utena with her sword, whose guards make it look like an elongated fleur-de-lys.] Prepare yourself, Utena Tenjou, for "Référendum"! [Utena looks at Tsuwabuki.] Utena: Tsuwabuki... why are you dressed like that? Tsuwabuki: Je suis le Marié du lis! Nanami [correcting him]: _La_ Mariée du lis. Tsuwabuki [capitulating]: Très bien, Mlle. Nanami. [Anthy kneels down to look Tsuwabuki in the eye, ruffles his hair.] Anthy: Lily Groom or Lily Bride, he's very cute, don't you think? Tsuwabuki [blushing]: C'est vrai? [laughs, hand behind head] Anthy: Yes, it's true. Utena [raising an eyebrow]: What, Nanami, shouldn't you be drawing a sword from him, then? Nanami: Oh, don't be silly. Tsuwabuki's sword would be far too small for my needs. [Tsuwabuki grumbles something.] Nanami: What was that, Tsuwabuki? Tsuwabuki [sourly]: Je n'ai dit rien. Nanami: C’est vrai? Well, it didn’t sound like you didn't say anything to me. [Utena sighs, shakes her head, and turns to Anthy.] Utena: Right. Let's get this over with... hey, why is Chu-Chu here? [Chu-Chu, indeed, is perched on Anthy's shoulder.] Anthy: He wanted to come. Chu-Chu: Chu! [Anthy walks sedately over to Nanami and puts a white lily in her breast pocket, then returns to Utena and puts the standard white rose in hers.] Anthy: Rose of the noble castle... [Etc, etc...] Utena: ...the power to bring Referendum to the world! [beat] No, wait, that’s not how it--- Nanami: En garde! [The Duel Music (J.A. Seazer's arrangement of "Alouette, gentille Alouette") begins to play] o/`: Alouette, gentille Alouette! [Nanami rushes Utena, who stands her ground. Their swords meet with a ringing clash, and Utena shoves Nanami back.] o/`: Alouette, je te plumerai! [Utena goes on the attack; Nanami parries skillfully. They dance in circles, thrusting and slashing.] o/`: Je te plumerai la tête! [Cut to Miki and Julie on the observation tower, watching the distant battle through lorgnettes.] o/`: Je te plumerai la tête! Miki: I don't understand... what is that stadium doing there? Julie [lecturing tone]: I believe it to be the Montreal Olympic Stadium, a building renowned for its structural instability. Miki: Yes, I recognize it. Nanami spoke of it often enough. But why that and not the castle we usually see? Julie: It is appropriate for a duel such as this one. The stadium is the ultimate symbolic expression of French Canadian delusions of grandeur. Miki [completely serious]: Yes. So it is. o/`: Et la tête! [Cut back to Nanami and Utena, swords locked at the hilts, arms straining.] o/`: Et la tête! Nanami: I won't lose! I won't let you destroy my people's culture! Utena: I won't let you turn this school into some kind of weird French brainwashing facility! o/`: Alouette! Alouette! [A cracking sound is heard. Chunks of the Phantom Stadium begin to fall upon the arena; one nearly crushes Nanami and Utena, breaking their deadlock as they part to avoid it.] o/`: Alouette, gentille Alouette! Utena: What the _hell_? Nanami: Don't take your eye off me! [Nanami snarls and lunges. Utena barely parries, and is driven back. They begin exchanging blows and parries again.] o/`: Alouette, je te plumerai! [Chunks of the Phantom Stadium are still falling, concentrated around the two duelists. Tsuwabuki is nearly crushed by one; he eeps, and runs to cower at Anthy's feet, as she's occupying what appears to be the only clear area.] o/`: Je te plumerai le bec! Anthy [smiling gently down at him]: Don't worry, Tsuwabuki. Tsuwabuki [frightened, near tears]: All I wanted was to be Miss Nanami's big brother... I didn't want all this fighting... and people getting hurt... [Nanami lands a particularly hard blow on Utena's blade, knocking her to her knees. Utena rolls to the side as Nanami's sword cuts down at her, missing her by a hair.] o/`: Je te plumerai le bec! [Tsuwabuki is now sobbing into Anthy's skirts.] o/`: Et la tête! Tsuwabuki: It's all so terrible! I can't stand it! o/`: Et la tête! [Anthy looks down at him, and her face softens. She kneels down and gently strokes his hair.] o/`: Et le bec! Anthy: Don't worry. It will all be over soon. [Utena comes to her feet and throws herself forward at Nanami in the Dios-Lunge.] o/`: Et le bec! [A chunk of the stadium falls between them, forcing Utena to pull to a halt. She stumbles, trips over the rubble, and falls on her back.] o/`: Alouette! [Nanami looms over Utena, raising her sword high.] o/`: Alouette! Nanami: Pour la souveraineté-association du monde! [Chu-Chu suddenly appears on her shoulder, munching on something white.] o/`: AL-OU-ETTE!!! [Nanami looks down to see that he's chewed off the top of her lily at some point in the battle. Cue "This Girl's Tragedy."] Nanami [swooning]: Ohhhhh...! [She collapses, apparently passed out. Chu-Chu jumps off at the last minute.] Utena: Hey, thanks. Chu-Chu [proudly]: Chu! [End "This Girl's Tragedy."] Tsuwabuki: Mlle. Nanami! [He skips over bits of rubble to his mistress. Nanami appears to come to, smiles at him endearingly, and reaches out to stroke his hair. The girls love his hair.] Nanami: Tsuwabuki... Tsuwabuki: Mlle. Nanami! Ça ne peut pas le fin, n'est-ce pas? [sobs] Anthy [impassive]: "It can't be the end?" I'm sorry, but it must and it is. Utena [not at all sympathetic]: Thank God. Nanami [almost a whisper]: If I understand you correctly, mon petit, you are saying, "A la prochaine..." [She faints again. The rubble and the Stadium mysteriously vanish.] Tsuwabuki: MLLE. NANAMI! [Up in the bleachers, Julie and Miki are clearly moved. Julie weeps visibly; Miki passes her some Kleenex.] [Anthy appears to take pity, because she draws near to Tsuwabuki. She kneels next to him again. Cue "The Sunlit Garden," variation unimportant.] Anthy: There, there. She'll be all right. Tsuwabuki [in tears]: And what if she's not? [Anthy thinks for a moment.] Anthy [finally]: You can be my big brother instead. My usual one's out of commission at the moment. Utena: HEY! Tsuwabuki [overjoyed]: Really? Anthy: Really. [She kisses him on the forehead, something Nanami sure never did. Tsuwabuki nosebleeds and passes out.] Utena [disgusted]: Slut. Anthy [all smiles]: When he wakes up he will remember nothing of being the Lily Bride. The measure was necessary for his sake and those of others. In any case, "judge not, etc." Utena [Narrow Eye look]: I meant him, not you. Anthy: Well...you have a point... [Cut to view of dueling arena from bleachers.] Miki: I think it's cute that Himemiya would do something like that. Julie: I don't know, the mood was completely ruined for me. Miki: Really? Why? Julie [this explains everything]: Boys have cooties. Didn't you know? [Fade out.] [Camera up on Miki, Julie and Saionji in the nurse's office, apparently at someone's bedside. Cut to Nanami waking up.] Nanami: Où suis-je? Julie: Where are you? In the nurse's office. We brought you here after the duel. Though I suppose you wouldn't remember... [Camera on Tsuwabuki, passed out in the next bed.] Miki: Miss Julie? Are you sure that was a legal victory? I mean, Utena Tenjou didn't exactly remove the lily herself... [Camera back to Nanami's bed.] Julie: The lily was removed. That's all that matters. [beat] You realize it wouldn't be the first dirty trick that the Rose Bride... [Nanami begins to sob.] Miki: Um...did we say something wrong? Nanami [through her tears]: Incroyable! All my plans ruined...by the monkey and the ethnic girl! Voice: Get over it! [Enter Utena--for it is she--and Anthy, who holds a lunch box.] Anthy: Hello, Nanami. How are you feeling? Nanami: Fous le camp! Miki [looking that idiom up, clearly shocked]: Nanami, bite your tongue! Julie [ironically]: No hard feelings, I see. Utena: You're conscious. Kick ass. All righty, up and at ‘em, girlfriend, you've got a lot of signs and fleur-de-whatsits to take down. Nanami: And what if I don't want to? Miki: A promise is a promise, Nanami. Also, Utena tells me you'll get expelled if you refuse. Saionji: Besides, if you don't do it, someone will. Your friends are hard at work undoing the aesthetic and linguistic damage they've done to the school as we speak. Nanami: Ah. Saionji: And clearing out of the kendo facility and Nemuro Hall. Nanami: Oui. Julie: And then there's that bill for the Chairman's car... Nanami: D'accord, d'accord! I get the picture! [turns her nose up in disgust] Utena [whispered, to Anthy]: Do the honors. Anthy [whispered, to Utena]: Yes, Miss Utena. [aloud, to Nanami] If you're about to do that, Nanami, I'd made some poutine as a sort of peace offering, so you can have lunch before you start work. [offers Nanami the lunch box and a fork] But if you don't want it... [Pause.] Nanami: Hm. Well, I am a little hungry. [She takes the lunch box, opens it up and prepares to dig in.] [Cut to the window just outside the clinic.] [*BOOM*] [Cut to Touga's Room of Moping. The Quebecois folk music record is still playing in the background.] [Touga, after a moment of apparent consideration, gets up and walks over to the gramophone.] [He digs through the LP's, apparently searching for another record.] [He apparently finds what he is looking for, because he pulls out a record and then what is apparently the folk music record's sleeve.] [He takes the needle off the folk music record, takes it off the gramophone, replaces it in its sleeve, replaces the sleeve in its place with the other LP's, takes the new record out of its sleeve, places the record on the gramophone, puts the sleeve back in its place, puts the needle on the record, and walks back to his seat.] [It turns out to be Dvorak's "Largo" once again.] Touga: Life will be dull again for a while, I suppose. [Cut to the gates of Ohtori Academy. The ÉCOLE PHOENIX sign is gone, as are the fleurs-de-lis.] [Cut to the kendo facility, where young Japanese men are once again training in the noble art of swordplay.] [Cut to a random corridor, revealing signs restored to their unilingual Japanese glory. The rose motif has also been restored.] Tatsuya [OS]: So the Acting Student Council President is back to normal? Wakaba [OS; disappointed]: Yeah, I guess. It was fun while it lasted. [Cut to a random classroom window. Utena, Anthy, Wakaba and Tatsuya are staring outside between class periods.] Utena [Narrow Eyes]: That all depends on your definition of fun. Wakaba: So, like, did your brother get his car fixed? Anthy: Well, it was fixed, just not paid for. After helping take down all those signs the other day Nanami must have stayed home complaining of fatigue, because oniisama tells me it wasn't her but her father who came by with the check. He hadn't seen Mr. Kiryuu that upset in quite a while, he said. Utena: How's Tsuwabuki? Wakaba: Yeah, didn't he get caught in a fight between you and Nanami, Utena? Anthy: Oh, much better. By way of apology for embarrassing the poor dear-- Wakaba: How? Anthy: Well, I'd rather not say. It's embarrassing. [smiles] Wakaba: ‘k. Utena: So what did you do? Anthy: What else but cook him some lunch? Utena [big eyes]: What? Anthy: Is that all right? Utena: _What_ did you cook him for lunch? Anthy: I had a recipe for Cuban red beans and rice I wanted to try out, so I let him have some. He liked it so much he asked for some more to give to Nanami. [beat] Did I do something wrong? [Utena runs from the room. Wakaba just sweatdrops.] Tatsuya [not making the connection]: What's with her? [A lawn. Saionji, Miki and Julie are taking a walk together in a rare moment that doesn't involve Student Council business or sarcastic comments at Saionji's expense.] Saionji [stretching]: Thank God all that's over. Miki: I always preferred the school the way it was. Julie: I'm still not returning that foil, though. [Utena is suddenly in front of them.] Miki: Oh, hello, Miss Tenjou. What's the matter? Utena: Houston, we have a problem. [Cut to Akio and Kanae Ohtori taking a drive on a country road near Houou. Villa Kiryuu can be seen off in the distance.] Kanae: Well, this is sudden. You never take me for drives any more. Akio: The wind blows from both the east and the west, my dear. [They both laugh softly.] Kanae: You're mysterious as always. That's why I... [There is an explosion from Villa Kiryuu clearly visible and audible from the road.] Akio: [quietly] Oh shit. [He pulls out his cell phone, presses speed-dial and waits a few moments. Finally, moderately] Why do you continue to... Voice: You are entitled to your playthings. I'm entitled to mine. [hangs up] [Akio stares at the phone, clearly not amused.] Kanae: What was that all about? [Cut back to the Ohtori Academy classroom.] Anthy: [putting _her_ cell phone away; to Wakaba, all smiles] Nothing I can't handle. Wakaba: ... [Cut to close up of Utena.] Utena: Oh God. We're too late. [Utena, Saionji, Miki and Julie run up the Villa Kiryuu garden path.] [Cut to Touga's Room of Moping. Dvorak's "Largo" is still playing in the background.] [Touga, after a moment of apparent consideration, gets up and walks over to the gramophone.] [He digs through the LP's, apparently searching for another record.] [He apparently finds what he is looking for, because he pulls out a record and then what is apparently the folk music record's sleeve.] [He takes the needle off the “Largo” record, takes it off the gramophone, replaces it in its sleeve, replaces the sleeve in its place with the other LP's, takes the new record out of its sleeve, places the record on the gramophone, puts the sleeve back in its place, puts the needle on the record, and walks back to his seat.] [It turns out to be a record of Cuban revolutionary anthems. Touga listens for a few moments.] Touga: [finally] Where did father get _that_ record, I wonder? [Team Utena make it to the Villa Kiryuu front door. In the smoke we can just make out the door opening.] [They stand there, nervously expectant, then let their jaws drop as they see what has emerged.] Saionji: Oh no. [yelling inside] TOUGA! I know you can hear me! Do something! Miki [clinging to Julie]: Miss Julie, make it go away! Julie [as terrified as he is]: Oh, very good! How? Utena: Anthy... why? [Cut to the door, where the smoke has cleared enough to let us see just what has emerged. It is Nanami, her hair color restored, but her Student Council uniform abandoned for what appear to be Che Guevara guerrilla fatigues, complete with beret emblazoned with a red star. She is wearing war paint under her eyes and brandishing an apparently genuine Kalashnikov machine gun for good measure.] Nanami [at the top of her lungs]: Viva la Revolución! [Fade out. Loud cries of pained distress. End.] Epilogue: [Utena, Nanami and Anthy are standing in their Duelist/Rose Bride outfits--those being their best--at microphones in what appears to be the Shadow Girl Theater. A Canadian flag has been hastily unfurled onstage behind them. An apparently recorded yet extremely stirring rendition of "O Canada" begins to play in the background.] Utena: So, why do we gotta sing this anyway? We're not Canadian! Nanami: It's in lieu of the ending credit song. I thought it would be nice. Utena [checking script]: It is? Anthy: ...two, three, four... [They begin to sing, Utena and Nanami rather badly, Anthy like an angel:] Utena: o/` O Canada! Our home and native land! Nanami: o/` O Canada, terre de nos aïeux, Anthy [translating for Nanami]: o/` O Canada, our own forefathers' land, Utena: o/` True patriot love in all thy sons command Nanami: o/` Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux! Anthy: o/` Wreaths of glory's flowers upon thy brow've been laid! Utena: o/` With glowing hearts we see thee rise, Nanami: o/` Car ton bras sait porter l'épée, Anthy: o/` For thine arm hath well borne the sword, Utena: o/` The True North strong and free! Nanami: o/` Il sait porter la croix! Anthy: o/` It hath well borne the cross! Utena: o/` From far and wide, O Canada, Nanami: o/` Ton histoire est une épopée Anthy: o/` Thy history's an epic that Utena: o/` We stand on guard for thee Nanami: o/` Des plus brilliants exploits Anthy: o/` Tells how thine exploits shone Utena: o/` God keep our land, glorious and free! Nanami: o/` Et ta valeur, de foi trempée, Anthy: o/` And thy valor, steeped in thy faith, Utena: o/` Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee Nanami: o/` Protégera nos foyers et nos droits Anthy: o/` Shall yet protect our homesteads and our rights Utena: o/` Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee Nanami: o/` Protégera nos foyers et nos droits Anthy: o/` Shall yet protect our homesteads and our rights [The recording comes to a stirring climax.] Utena [finally]: Those words are, like, _nothing_ alike. Nanami: Well, the French ones are the originals, so there! Anthy: As I said, it's a matter of tradition. **FIN** -AUTHOR'S NOTES- -PAUL- Here is a snippet from an early draft of Alan Harnum's Utena fanfic "Jaquemart": > "You were the _only_ one who ever pronounced my name right." >Mme. Lamer apparently thought this was a cardinal virtue. "Not >'lamer', but 'la mare': 'the sea'." Alan does not speak or read French to any great degree. I, on the other hand, have just enough to be confused by what he'd written. He had meant "la mare" to be pronounced as in English ("lah mayre"); but I read it as in French ("lah mahre"), which if it was intended to render French "la mer" would, I'm told, sound like Madame Lamer, the unpleasant "riding crop teacher," was pronouncing her name with a French Canadian accent. I pointed that out to Alan. I thought it was fine, but I thought it rather funny coming from a professional pedant like Mme. Lamer. :) (It was changed in the final draft.) I myself am American, but I also knew just enough about Canadian politics to have a vision of Utena as not been a (French) "Revolutionary Girl," but rather as a (Quebec separatist) "Sovereignty-Associationist Girl." So I dared Alan to write it, he being actually Canadian and thus having some business speaking on the topic. :) When I proposed a preliminary plot, though, he suggested that I be the one to write it. After I changed the plot to more or less what we now have, though (making Utena into Nanami, for instance), he agreed to collaborate on this travesty. :) So here we are. I'm rather proud with what came out, not least because it's something of a first. US history and politics are referenced in fanfics all the time, but there's very little discussion of politics of other nations whose denizens lurk online, even when, suitably dressed up, they'd be excellent topics for satirical fanfics. As it is, even the parody SM fic series _Sailor Canuck_ was reluctant to mine the satiric potential of Therese Lavoile, "Sailor Quebec," to any great degree. This may be for fear that "nobody outside my country would get it;" however, if it's not obviously funny, with all the names and labels removed, there's probably another side to the story. Satire should be reserved for the case where there is no other side--none that could be championed by somebody not in need of medication, anyway. :) Anything else is pure polemics. Of course, anybody who wants to write a fic in response is free to do so in either English or French. :) (Offers of translation of this turkey into French are appreciated too.) In any case, I still find it odd that an American had to come up with the idea for a satire of the Quebec question. Let he who is intelligent pick all the references to Canadian politics and Quebec separatism, and to Quebec's language policies. I'll just repeat the old saw that "truth is stranger than fiction," and I was surprised how little I actually had to invent when no living satirist could have improved on (for instance) the Quebec commercial sign laws that stipulate the size of French and English text on signs inside and outside places of business. To the best of my knowledge, what I put in the fanfic is the correct official interpretation of the current sign law. To the best of my knowledge, though, the Maurice Richard torture chamber is Alan Harnum's invention. :) Oh yes--I've only been to Quebec once, when I was in high school, staying mostly in Quebec City. My one regret is never having been able to go back--IMHO Quebec City is the most beautiful city in North America. A Quebec flag has a place of honor on my desk at home. -ALAN- It was mostly Paul's fault. Really, it was. I'm just an accomplice. Even if my bad French (sadly bad, since I took seven years of it from late elementary to early high school--I blame the sorriest collection of French teachers ever assembled for this, especially the one who threw the chair at me, and the narcoleptic) planted the seed, he watered it. I take responsibility for the J.A. Seazer version of "Alouette", however. If you're creative, it can be sung to Juri's first Duel Song, with the final "alouette" pronounced like the final "ammonite" of Saionji's second Duel Song. Again, it was mostly Paul's fault. Really. Stop looking at me like that.