REVOLUTIONARY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 Episode 105: "The Observatory of Forbidden Pleasures Series, Story One: Touga's Lesson" Written by: The Ends of World MSTed by: Chris Rain (rainclash@yahoo.com) This is a MSTing of a story written by an author who goes by the moniker "The Ends of World", or so I must presume since that's the email address on their website. No insult, injury, infringement, or painful debilitating illness is intended by this MSTing. I do this because (a) it's fun and (b) I have lots of time and imagination on my hands. MST3K is owned by Best Brains, Inc. All "Revolutionary Girl Utena"/"Shoujo Kakumei Utena" characters are the property of B-Papas, Chiho Saito, TV Tokyo, Shonenn Iinkai, Software Sculptors, Central Park Media Corporation, and possibly a partridge in a pear tree, though the latter is dicey to prove under law. ^_^ Reading this MST can be greatly helped by having at least a passing familiarity with the series; if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. (Shameless plug requirements met. Onward!) [Satellite of Revolution; early morning, SST (Satellite Standard Time). Rather than the bridge, the viewer gets a look into the satellite's kitchen, which is almost obnoxiously high-tech--all brushed steel and polished chrome and black glass--and tricked out with a vast array of devices. The duelists are sitting around a circular table that consists of an insanely complicated framework with a thick sheet of smoked glass on top. The whole thing has lots of chromed tubing and little guy wires involved, and looks as if it could cause major bodily harm if it's touched wrong. The chairs aren't much better, and appear to support the seated persons by grudging consent rather than any laws of physics, but at least they have snazzy leather cushions. ANTHY HIMEMIYA is bustling around the kitchen in her usual neat white apron and cap, fixing breakfast. UTENA TENJOU and MIKI KAORU are both in their pajamas; TOUGA KIRYUU and AKIO OHTORI are wearing terrycloth bathrobes. CHU CHU is sitting on the table, wearing a tiny bathrobe as well] ANTHY [putting a coffeepot down in the middle of the table]: Here you go, everyone! My, you all look so sleepy . . . UTENA: Up late. [grabbing the coffeepot and slopping coffee into her cup] ANTHY: What were you doing? MIKI: Full-contact "Pong" in the hologram simulator thingy. [UTENA hands him the coffeepot and he clutches it eagerly] ANTHY: Oh, my. Um, what simulator? AKIO: The Holocabana. It's the second door on the right past the bathroom. [grabbing the pot away from MIKI and filling his cup] TOUGA: I think Mikage stole it from someplace. There's a little plaque in the corner that says "Original Concept by Megane 6.7". [he snatches the pot from AKIO and pours a cupful] CHU CHU: Chu! [he jumps up and down frantically until UTENA picks up the coffeepot and pours coffee into his tiny little cup. There's a brief scuffle over the sugar bowl and the cream jug, but soon enough, everyone settles down to some serious caffeine intake] ANTHY: How do you play full-contact "Pong" anyway? [she puts down plates laden with pancakes and bacon, and fortunately gets her hands out of the way before the feeding frenzy begins] UTENA [stuffing a forkful of pancake into her mouth]: Wif' body padding an' lacrosse sticks. CHU CHU [mowing face-first into his plate]: Chuu! [a yellow message light previously unnoticed on one of the counters starts to blink. ANTHY hurries over to hit the button, and a Viewscreen suddenly appears in the middle of the table, underneath CHU CHU and the coffeepot. The Observatory is visible behind MIKAGE, as always] MIKAGE: Good morning, my little--What in *hell*?! Someone stop that bloody monkey-mouse-thing from mooning me! [SoR] CHU CHU: *Chuu* . . . TOUGA [picking up CHU CHU and his plate and moving them off the screen]: What are you doing in the *table* anyway? [Observatory] MIKAGE: I don't explain myself to *you*, Kiryuu. [MAMIYA pops into view behind MIKAGE, smiling brightly and waving at the duelists] MAMIYA: Oh, sorry, Mikage-sama sir. I guess I was supposed to install *that* glass into the wall over the sink, not the tabletop, right? MIKAGE: Mamiya, go to the lab. I will be in shortly with the alligator clamps and the cattle prod. MAMIYA: Aww . . . all right. [he trudges off-screen] MIKAGE: Now, then. Where was I? Ah, yes. How *is* everyone? [SoR] AKIO: Surviving. TOUGA: Hating your guts, Souji. [Observatory] MIKAGE: Well, enough with the pleasantries. [he rubs his hands together with a gleeful smirk] Have *I* ever got something for *you*, my little victims! [SoR] UTENA: What is it *this* time? Another author avatar with stupid powers? MIKI: Another attempt at a "wacky" fic? [Observatory] MIKAGE: No, no, no . . . it's *much* worse than *that*! [he eyes MIKI for a long moment] Hmm. I think that I'll have to make a substitution, though. Mamiya!--oh, he's in the lab. Ah well, have to do it myself, then. [he disappears from view] [SoR] MIKI: What do you think he's talking about? . . . [With a loud *ZAP*, a flash of light, and a puff of smoke, JURI ARISUGAWA--dressed in a slinky white negligee--appears in the middle of the kitchen. She stands there blinking, obviously startled and a bit disoriented. TOUGA and AKIO stare at her, grinning, while MIKI blushes a bright fiery red and covers his eyes] JURI: Where *am* I? UTENA [reaching out unerringly to smack both TOUGA and AKIO]: Mikage sent you back up here, Juri-sempai . . . [JURI looks down, realizes just *how* slinky that negligee is, and gives the tabletop Viewscreen a deadly stare] [Observatory] MIKAGE: Now, now, Arisugawa. No noisy threats. Just accept the inevitable. You all have five minutes to dress and get into the theatre. *You* stay out of it, Kaoru. Arisugawa is your substitute. [SoR] MIKI: Uhhh . . . why? UTENA : Lucky. [Observatory] MIKAGE: Because, dear boy, today's fic is a lemon, and it will scar you deeply. And there's a horde of fangirls staging a rally outside to protest any potential abuse of your innocence. [SoR] UTENA: What about *us*? [Observatory] MIKAGE: You've all got thicker skin. Dress! Theatre! Now! [SoR. The lights and klaxons start going off] AKIO : We've got lemon sign. OTHERS : Aaaaah. JURI: What about *me*? I haven't got any clothes up here! UTENA: You can come with me, Juri-sempai. I think I might be able to find something for you. JURI: Thank you. As for *you*, Souji . . . [she grabs the coffeepot and upends it over the middle of the table, covering the entire Viewscreen with a puddle of coffee] UTENA: Uh, Juri . . . ANTHY: It's all right, Miss Utena, I'll take care of it. You'd better hurry. [everyone scatters to their quarters] [Duelist's door sequence!] [6. It's the gate to the Arena. You try to open it, but you haven't got a Rose Seal ring. Finally, you pick the lock with a credit card and walk through.] [5. It's the spiral staircase from hell. You make it about halfway up before realizing there's an elevator and climbing in.] [4. The elevator stops about ten feet from the top. You walk halfway up the rest of the stairs, realize that you aren't getting a fancier outfit, and pause at the convenient basket placed on the stairs to sew on the decorations yourself.] [3. The archway at the top of the staircase. You accidentally glance over the side, suffer a violent attack of acrophobia, and cling to the side of the archway, whimpering for your mommy.] [2. You wait for the Rose Bride to place the rose on your chest, but first you have to help her pull the thorns off. Ow! Ow! Ow!] [1. The Rose Bride does her spiel and falls back over your arm; you draw the Sword of Dios from her chest and use it to hack down the final door into the theatre.] [the duelists take their seats--from left to right: TOUGA, UTENA, AKIO, and JURI] JURI: Stop *smiling* at me like that, you two! AKIO and TOUGA: Who, *me*? >Warning UTENA: You know it's going to hurt when the *author* gives you a warning even before the fic starts. TOUGA: Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! >The fanfiction that you are about to read is a work of pure Yoai!!! UTENA: Made with 100% natural ingredients from the freshest yoai on Earth. TOUGA: What the hell *is* a "yoai"? JURI: I'm not sure. Unless . . . wait. "Yoai" . . . it's got to be a spelling mistake . . . oh, *no*. UTENA: What? What is it, Juri-sempai? JURI: "Yaoi". They're warning us that the fic is *yaoi*! [pause] ALL: Nooooo!! >Reader discretion is strongly advised! This fanfic is rated NC-17! UTENA: I don't want to read it! I don't want to read it! TOUGA: *None* of us want to read it! AKIO: Even *I* don't want to read it. I mean, the author misspelled the word "yaoi" . . . the rest of it isn't likely to be any better. >Please continue Here ALL: No! > Or >Return Home UTENA: Yes! Yes! Return home! MIKAGE'S VOICE: If only it were that easy. So sorry, Miss Tenjou. JURI : There's no place like home. There's no place like home . . . AKIO: Where's a good pair of ruby slippers when you need them? >The Observatory Of Forbidden Pleasures Series AKIO: On a wild guess, I'd say that I'm in this somewhere. Unless you've been making porn movies down there for extra funding, Souji. MIKAGE'S VOICE: Ha. Ha. Ha. No. UTENA: *Series*? As in, "more than one"? MIKAGE'S VOICE: Apparently, but there's only one story up so far. JURI: Please let it stay that way. MIKAGE'S VOICE: It's not going to help you right *now*, though. >Story One: Touga's Lesson TOUGA: Oh, shit. AKIO: On another wild guess, I'd say it's you and me, Kiryuu. TOUGA: It's a *fanfic*. The people on screen aren't really either of us. AKIO: Keep on saying it. >Touga's eyes stood transfixed on the ceiling of the observatory, UTENA: *Eew*. You know, the way that's worded, it sounds like Touga's eyes got ripped out and are now nailed up to the plaster or something gross like that. TOUGA: Thank you for a visual that I didn't need. AKIO: Gives new meaning to the phrase "Keep your eye on it" . . . >there was one particular star that had captured his attention. It was >Akio's star. JURI: I don't think that he owns a *star*. AKIO: The one the author probably means is Venus, the Morning Star. My name's derived from it. That doesn't make it "Akio's star" . . . TOUGA: That also doesn't make it a star. It's really a planet, after all . . . >But why was this star mesmerizing him so? True, it was quite a >beautiful spectacle, UTENA: . . . even though it's just a bright dot among a whole bunch of other bright dots. AKIO: Actually, if it's Venus, then it's the *brightest* dot of the bunch. JURI: And they're calling it *your* star? [AKIO glowers] >but he had seen that star a thousand times during one of his many >visits to the observatory. JURI [reading over that line]: So, during one single visit, he looked at Venus a thousand times? TOUGA: Maybe I didn't have anything better to do? I dunno. >So why was tonight different then other nights? AKIO: Because the author decided to write about it, probably. >"Is there something wrong Student Council President?" Akio asked >lifting his head up from Touga's bear chest. AKIO: . . . or else it's because of the wild sex. UTENA: *I'll* say it's wild. There's a bear in there! JURI: Incorrect homonym, and a couple of missing commas. TOUGA: Don't use the term homo-anything right now, okay, Arisugawa? JURI: Why, you look pale, Seitokaichou. TOUGA: I'm already feeling ill. >"Uh?" Touga questioned UTENA: That's Touga for you. Always with a quick, witty response! AKIO: I guess he was zoned out from staring fixedly at Venus. JURI : Ish a shparklie! >as his bright blue eyes locked with Akio's lovely green eyes. JURI: Thank you for the opinionated adjective, story. AKIO: Well, they *are* a lovely shade of green. Don't you think so, Utena? UTENA: Shut up. >"Is there something bothering you?" Akio repeated as he slithered >close to Touga's face. TOUGA: . . . and flicked his forked tongue . . . AKIO: Okay, look, I know I'm the "devil," but that's taking it a bit too far! >"You seem kinda distant." JURI : I was pretending that I was somewhere else. TOUGA: And *with* someone else. >"Oh?" He questioned back. UTENA: I guess Touga can only speak in questions now. TOUGA: What are you talking about? UTENA: Ha, ha, ha, funny. >"I'm sorry." AKIO: Not as sorry as *I* feel right now. >"It's not like you... To be distracted, I mean." Akio said lowing his >head back down the Touga's muscular chest JURI: "Lowering". And, ah . . . *the* Touga? UTENA: The one and only, I guess. TOUGA: Of course. With that hair, those looks . . . UTENA: That Aura of Smooth(TM) . . . >and refocusing his attention to Touga's nipples. TOUGA [groaning and burying his head in his hands]: And the wrongness begins. AKIO: You didn't seem to mind-- TOUGA: Shut up, Ohtori. >Touga let out a tiny gasp of pleasure as Akio's warm tongue >delicately it's way around Touga's tiny nipples. JURI: Delicately *what* its way around Touga's . . . I'm not repeating the rest of that. There's a missing word there. TOUGA [tugging the top of his jacket open and peeking inside]: *Tiny*? What do you mean, *tiny*? UTENA: You sound like a girl worrying about her bra size, Touga. >Akio looked up at the tortured face of his lover AKIO: Well, that sentence doesn't sound right. JURI: Not unless you're in a Bosch painting. >and for a brief moment their eyes once again locked. TOUGA: After two hours, it became apparent that a locksmith or a good pair of bolt cutters would be needed to free them from their predicament. >A devious smile passed across Akio's face as his eyes peered down to >see a gigantic bulge forming in Touga's trousers. AKIO: Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? UTENA: If it *is* a gun, he's probably packing a fifty-caliber Desert Eagle. TOUGA: And if I'm carrying *that*, you'd better start running, Akio. AKIO: It's just a fic, Kiryuu. Cool it. >He was always so quick to get a hard-on and always so quick to come >too. TOUGA: If only I was just as quick to leave. JURI: Maybe this means the fic will be very short. >Despite repeated attempts to make the president of the student >council last longer, it seems that he could not be trained. UTENA: Sit, Touga! Sit . . . *sit* . . . good boy! TOUGA: If that sentence were taken out of context, it would sound like I just couldn't stay awake during council meetings or something like that. JURI: If only. >But tonight was going to be different. He was determined to teach >Touga to give his all. JURI: That comment I made earlier about the fic being short? Just forget about it. UTENA : Be all that you can be . . . >Slowly, Akio's hand began to slide gently down Touga's burly chest TOUGA: *Burly*? I am not *burly*. "Burly" implies a certain heftiness. *I* am gracefully slender. JURI [pulling a small dictionary from the seat pocket]: "Bur*ly (adj): Middle English, first appeared 13th Century. 1: strongly and heavily built: husky." TOUGA: See? AKIO: Where did you get that, Juri? JURI: I think Miki left it in here. >and to his crotch. Gently he unzipped his pristine white pants. Touga >closed his eyes as the sexual tension heightened. Akio dug his strong >hands into Touga's underpants UTENA: --and accidentally ripped off Touga's bollocks. TOUGA: That's *not* funny! AKIO : Workin' in a coal mine and goin' downtown, workin' in a coal mine, whoop, I like ta get down . . . >and he slowly began to stroke his cock. JURI: Do I *have* to watch this? MIKAGE'S VOICE: Yes. JURI: You're a dead man, Souji. MIKAGE'S VOICE: No, I'm a figment of Ohtori's imagination. JURI: That won't save you. >Gently he kneaded the long thick phallus, UTENA: Please don't give us an actual size estimate. TOUGA: Why, Utena, I think you're blushing. UTENA: Shut up, Touga. >paying close attention to the tip; massaging it slowly, and then >bring his hand swiftly down the shaft. AKIO: . . . and then the rabbit goes around the tree . . . and . . . damn, I'll have to start over. TOUGA: If you touch me, Ohtori, I *will* kill you and flush your body out an airlock. >This was a technique that Akio had spent hours perfecting alone in >the observatory. UTENA: So, basically, Akio, you spend most of your time playing with yourself instead of doing productive work. AKIO: No, *that* goob up there spends most of his time playing with himself. *I* have an actual *job*. >Lovingly caressing the tip while giving the shaft much deserved >attention. AKIO: And for my next trick, I'll juggle live chainsaws! JURI: That would be more productive than learning how to become a master of "jerk-fu." >The breathing of both men began to come faster, especially when he >stroked him faster. Touga would thrust his pelvis with the movements >of Akio's hand adding more friction. ALL : But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane! >Although Akio needed no guidance. His technique was indeed flawless. >If it was one thing Akio knew how to do, it was to give pleasure. >After-all, bringing pleasure was his specialty. JURI: See? Master of jerk-fu. AKIO: Bah. You know, just because I'm incredibly sexy and an excellent lover, everybody assumes I'm an empty-headed sensualist. UTENA: No, actually everybody assumes you're a sick, evil, manipulative sensualist. There's a difference. AKIO : Wow, Utena, thank you. I knew I could count on your support. >Faster and faster came the hand movement, TOUGA: This is what happens when a sign-language translator has too much caffeine. >when finally, a rather large, off white wet stain appeared on the >front of Touga's undergarments. JURI : Touga didn't make it to the toilet! TOUGA: Does this mean I get to go home? MIKAGE'S VOICE: No. >Akio removed his hand and saw the come wad. UTENA: As if he didn't realize it already. >His hand was drenched in Touga's seed. UTENA [turning slightly green]: See? How could he miss it? JURI: He ought to plant that right away with some nitrogen fertilizer to make sure he gets a good crop at harvest time . . . >Instantly, a murderous look appeared on Akio's face. TOUGA: Then he freaked out and careened around the room looking for his keys before stabbing Anthy with a palette knife-- MIKAGE'S VOICE: Watch it, Kiryuu! >Without hesitation Akio slapped Touga's face with the come soaked >hand. JURI: For some reason, Akio is now acting like a debutante tease who pretends to be surprised and shocked when some guy tries to take her up on her offers. UTENA : *Gasp*! How dare you! AKIO: That's what I'd like to say to the author of this fic. >Touga looked up at his lover with fear as tiny droplets of come >slowly slid down his handsome face. [TOUGA looks rather ill] UTENA: Would someone get him a wet-wipe or a tissue? Gross! >"Why?" Touga questioned. AKIO: That's what all of us are wondering. >"Because you are undisciplined." Akio answered instantly. "You come >far to quickly for a man of your age. UTENA : Aww, poor Touga . . . TOUGA: Look, that's not me! >The only way to truly give pleasure is to deliver it slowly. JURI: In that case, you should avoid UPS and FedEx and just go with the regular postal service. >Endurance is one of the ways to Revolutionize the world. Without >endurance you can never stand a chance to beat Utena." TOUGA: You know, in context, it sounds like I'm expected to duel her in bed with only the weapons that Nature provided . . . UTENA: In your dreams, playboy. JURI: Shush. It's only a matter of time before some pervert writes *that* lemon. >Touga said nothing to try and defend himself. Instead he sat there >cowering in fear. UTENA: Yes, watch the brave Touga Kiryuu whimper and cringe in the face of a *scolding*! TOUGA: As if you needed any *more* evidence that I'm certainly not the stooge up there. >"The time has come for you to build up some stamina." Akio said >removing himself from the soft fluffy, white lace sheeted bed. JURI: White lace *sheets*? Ugh. How tacky. UTENA: *I'll* say. You'd have to hand-wash them every time you did the laundry, too. >Akio went over to a locked closet and took out the rose signet key. JURI: Is there *anything* in Ohtori that hasn't got that damn motif? AKIO: You're one to talk. I've seen your locket. [JURI glares at him] >He placed the key into the lock which caused the door to open >instantly. TOUGA: It smashed into Akio, pinned him to the wall, and slowly crushed the life out of him. The end. AKIO: Oh, *thank* you. JURI: Yes, unlocking a door usually makes it possible to then open the door right away. But this sounds like it popped open by itself. UTENA: Spring hinges, maybe? >Inside the locked closet were many different forms of erotic torture. >Among them were a cat with sixty nine tails, AKIO: A cat with *sixty-nine* tails? Okay, the pun's cute, but that would be an absolute bitch to get untangled . . . TOUGA: It sounds like a sick new Pokemon from some twisted lemon. "Sixty-Ninetails"! UTENA: Gross, you guys! >an enormous bull whip, several different ball gags, but what Akio was >reaching for was "the parachute". UTENA: He was planning another swan dive out a window, but wanted to survive this time. AKIO: Look, that's *movie* continuity, okay? [The Satellite bobs briefly] MIKAGE'S VOICE: Stop that! >Akio grabbed the parachute and several small weights, then he >relocated the closet. TOUGA: He did *what* to the closet? JURI: Yes, right there in the middle of the fic, Akio built a brand new closet and installed a wet-bar in place of the old closet. Bob Vila came in for a special on "This Old Observatory." >Touga saw Akio approaching with the torture devices and a look of >mortal fear swept his face. JURI: . . . and then mopped and buffed it to a glossy shine. >"Are you afraid Student Council President?" Akio asked as he stripped >from his prince's jacket. AKIO: In case nobody noticed, I don't wear that thing *all the time*. Only for duels and certain drives in the car . . . >Touga hesitated for a moment as he saw the spokes of the parachute >sparking against the light of the planetarium projector. TOUGA: Yes, I'd be worried at this point, because it sounds almost like the thing's got voltage running through it. >Touga has little knowledge of sexual torture devices. He knew of the >ball gag, nipple clamps, and various whips. AKIO: Anybody who's got Internet access knows about that sort of thing. JURI: Especially if they actually *read* any of the spam that hits newsgroups and email boxes . . . >But never had he seen that thing before. UTENA: Being reasonably intelligent, he figured it was a bad thing and ran away screaming. The end. TOUGA: Sadly, the stooge in the fic isn't anywhere near as intelligent as *I* am, or he would've already done that. >"I said are you afraid?" Akio repeated, this time sounding more >impatient then before. JURI : Look, would you scream or something just to acknowledge my existence? Some people are so *rude* when they're threatened with bizarre, kinky sex toys! >"Ye--yes." Touga whimpered softly. AKIO: Touga, I hate to say it, but in this fic, you're a complete wimp. TOUGA: And you're a sick weirdo. Are we even? >"And well you should be." Akio responded quickly. "Do you know what >I'm holding?" UTENA : A weird, sadistic piece of sex equipment. JURI : Damn, you caught me. >Akio held up the hand that contained the parachute. Instantly Touga >shook his head. UTENA: What *is* it with this overuse of the word "instant"? Akio "instantly" replies, the door "instantly" opens, Touga "instantly" shakes his head . . . TOUGA: I wish the fic was over, "instantly." MIKAGE'S VOICE: Nope, sorry. >"This is called a parachute. And what it does is fastens around the >cock and the chain at the bottom cups the balls. From the way I've >just described it, it hardly seems like a torturous device, does it?" TOUGA: Well, yeah, it does, to be honest. JURI: That's what I was thinking too. >Touga didn't answer, he just nodded his head in agreement. UTENA: It's like watching one of those little toys you put on the back window ledge in the car . . . bob, bob, bob . . . AKIO: Touga *does* spend a lot of time in the back of my car with his head bobbing up and down-- [UTENA smacks him] >"But actually, on the inside of this thing, there are several tiny >little spikes. JURI : So it's basically a Barbie-sized iron maiden. Does it *still* sound so harmless? TOUGA: Gah . . . >They aren't sharp enough to break the skin, but it can be quite >uncomfortable once I begin to apply these little weights to the >chain." AKIO [sinking his head into his hands]: And I no doubt *will* be applying those little weights by the handful, the way this fic is going. >Touga's eyes widened as several droplets of sweat began to form on >his brow. UTENA: At least the author hasn't tried to stick an anime sweatdrop into the story . . . AKIO: The author was probably busy planning on sticking other things into the story. Or things *in* the story. UTENA: Akio! >Akio walked closer to the bed and stood face-to-face with Touga. JURI: His breath caused Touga to black out. "Damn," Akio muttered, "I'll have to remember to eat a Tic Tac after having a fried liver- and-onions dinner from now on." AKIO: Ha. Ha. Ha. >Then he said in he most sever tone, TOUGA: His most "sever" tone? Did he bite his own tongue out or something? JURI: "Severe." >"For each act of disobedience, one five ounce weight will be added to >the chain." TOUGA: Given what a dope this fic-Touga is, Akio, I'd say you're right in that assessment about the weights. >Touga gulped with fear but dared not speak. Without saying a word to >the student council president, Akio removed his white pants and his >white undergarments. UTENA: Oh, look. Touga wears white Hanes briefs. I always figured that you were a boxers type, Touga. TOUGA: If you'll stop by my quarters after the fic, I'll show you the answer to that question. [UTENA turns bright red and smacks him] >Silently Akio's strong hands began to work fastening the parachute to >Touga's simi-hard cock. JURI: "Simi-hard"? I've heard the phrase "spanking your monkey," but this is *really* silly. >But just the feel of Akio's hands around his cock and balls sent the >blood rushing to the head of his member AKIO: It exploded and he died. The end. TOUGA: Gosh. Thanks. AKIO: No charge. >and within seconds his manhood stood erect at it's full height. TOUGA: Schwing! >"Do you see what I mean?" Akio questioned angrily. "You are far too >easy to arouse! One touch of my hand to your cock and it sends you >immediately to the brink! Already you have displeased me." AKIO: I complain *way* too much in this fic. UTENA: We noticed. >"But Mr. Chairman I..." Before Touga could finish the sentence his >cheek was greeted by a sharp smack. Instantly Touga clamed up. UTENA: I'm afraid to ask what board meetings are like if Akio slaps people every time they say "But, Mr. Chairman . . ." AKIO: They'd be very short and everybody would agree with anything I said. Hmmm . . . that could be very useful . . . >"You dare speak back?!" Akio admonished. "For your blatant >disobedience JURI: Say what you will about the subject matter and the spelling errors. This author knows how to use twenty-five-cent words! >I will place two of these five ounce weights to the chain!" TOUGA: Translation--he's loading on ten ounces. Whoopty. >Akio worked quickly to place two to the weights onto the chain that >cupped Touga's balls. He placed one weight on the left hand side of >the chain and another on the right hand side of the chain. AKIO: Because balance is important, you know. JURI: He then checked the chi flow of the room and exercised his talents in feng shui to readjust a chair and two small lamps to produce a more harmonious alignment. >Almost instantly Touga could feel the weight pulling down, not only >his genitals, but he could also feel the tiny spikes poking at his >penis. It was most uncomfortable, but in a way, strangely >pleasurable. UTENA: *I'll* say it's strange. >The feeling created a strange kind of friction, which further made >his cock harden. But the more full his manhood got, the more pressure >would be placed on the spikes that were bearing deeper into his >tender flesh. TOUGA: This is sounding less and less erotic and more and more painful with every passing moment. UTENA: I have the feeling that it's only going to get worse. >Akio sat down on the bed and watched in amazement as Touga writhed >and moaned in both agony and ecstasy. JURI: That *was* a rather good book and a decent movie. It's forever stained now. UTENA: Kind of like Akio's sheets and Touga's underwear, I guess. >A twisted smile curved about Akio's lips as he watched the parachute >work it's magic on the president of the student council. AKIO: "Its" magic? What, was it made by David Copperfield? TOUGA: If it would make me disappear from the fic, I'd be grateful. AKIO: You might want to rethink that, considering just what part would be likely to disappear. TOUGA: Uh . . . never mind. >He enjoyed watching people writhe in pain and even more so he enjoyed >seeing Touga's cock turn many happy shades of red. UTENA: I had no idea you were such a sick, sadistic freak, Akio. AKIO: Maybe *that* Akio is, but *I'm* not. JURI: What, exactly, constitutes a *happy* shade of red? >Seeing him enjoying his punishment so made Akio's own cock begin to >stiffen. AKIO : Oh yeah! Twisted sex torture gets me so *hot*! TOUGA: You do that too well, Akio. AKIO: I'm just grateful that we've got good channel reception up here. UTENA: We're *on* a satellite. I don't think it gets any better. JURI: Looks like the Himemiya family is just a bunch of glorified farmers. UTENA: How's that? JURI: Anthy grows roses, and Akio raises chickens . . . [UTENA giggles. AKIO looks irritated] >But as much as he wanted to relieve himself, he decided to refrain. UTENA: Thank you. >He had big plans for Touga that required his manhood to be at full >height, and by relieving himself he wouldn't be able to fulfill those >plans. UTENA: On second thought, no thanks. Go ahead and wank off, Akio. JURI: You just don't want to know what his plans are, do you. UTENA: Do *you*? JURI: No. >Besides, sometimes watching was just as much fun as participating. AKIO: I would argue with that. For one thing, reading this fic is nowhere *near* as much fun as having sex. UTENA: Peek-a-boo! JURI: Good idea. [starts booing at the screen] >Meanwhile, Touga lay on the bed still panting and moaning, as the >parachute squeezed tighter and tighter on his cock. Akio had omitted >to tell Touga that the more aroused he would become, the more the >spikes would dig into his skin, and also the more constrained the tip >of the penis (which was poking out of the top of the parachute) would >become. JURI: --until finally it would pinch Touga's winky right off. TOUGA: Gah! This is *already* sounding ghastly enough, all right?! >Finally, after several moments passed Touga let out a moan of >pleasure, as the come poured forth from Touga's now deflated cock. [UTENA imitates the sound of a half-blown-up balloon being let loose] JURI : Look, Ma! Touga popped his bird! AKIO: Another good idea. [gives the screen a rude gesture with a finger] >"Sill haven't learned anything, I see." Akio said placing yet another >weight to the chain. "You will learn soon enough." AKIO : I will show you the ways of the Dark Side. [does loud, heavy breathing until UTENA elbows him] >"Please...." Touga begged. TOUGA: --let me out of this fic! >Akio didn't answer Touga. Without speaking a word to him, JURI: If he didn't answer Touga, it's reasonable to assume he didn't speak to him. >he just placed another weight to Touga's chain. UTENA: He just keeps yanking your chain, huh, Touga? TOUGA: Har har. >Once again, Touga's cock began to thicken. Those spikes were >torturous. It hurt, but at the same time it felt so good. AKIO : Hurt so good . . . come on, baby, make it hurt so good! Sometimes love don't feel like it should--you make it hurt so good . . . UTENA : And tonight's dinner special is zee chicken shishkebob. Ees muy fantastic! JURI: Puts a whole new twist on the words "choke your chicken", doesn't it? >Touga wanted desperately to reach down and stroke his cock, but >before he could get his hand anywhere near it, Akio grabbed his arms >and cuffed his wrists behind his back. UTENA: Then frisked him for weapons and read him his rights. AKIO: You have the right to moan a lot. You have the right to wear whipped cream as clothing . . . UTENA: Akio! Ecchi! AKIO: I'm nowhere near as bad as the fic. >"Where'd you get???" JURI: --all of those question marks? TOUGA: They were on sale. >Akio looked furious. Not only was he being disobedient, but he was >now asking questions when no one had permitted him to speak. AKIO: I didn't realize that this had turned into a full-fledged "session." When do I put on the leather dom outfit? TOUGA: You don't actually have one of those, do you? AKIO: Eh, I go to the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" now and then. >So another two weights were added. Once the weights were added this >time, Akio removed himself from the bed UTENA: "Removed himself from the bed"? With what? Stain-B-Gone? JURI: It's an elaborate way of saying "stood up," I guess. >and went back over to the locked closet. This time he pulled out one >of the ball gags. This time he knew Touga would keep his mouth shut. AKIO: Technically, he'll keep his mouth *open*, actually. >But first, he wanted to have a little fun with Touga. TOUGA: Please tell me that he just wants to play "Scrabble." UTENA: Actually, the game's probably "Sorry", not "Scrabble". AKIO: This entire *fic* is sorry. >Akio closed the closet and walked back over to the bed with the ball >gag in hand. JURI: I'd make some comment about blow-by-blow action descriptions, but I suspect it would be in poor taste at the moment. AKIO: I think you're probably right, Arisugawa. >But before he sat down on the bed, he pulled down his pristine white >pants, and reviled, his massive cock. UTENA: Aw, look, it's so tiny and cute! JURI: "Reviled"? He swore at it? TOUGA : Damn you for being so puny and worthless! AKIO: Bah. >Akio's cock might very well be regarded as the eight wonder of the >world. JURI: That is, if microscopic genitalia are considered "wonders". By the way, that should be "eighth". >It was as long as it was thick. UTENA: So it's spherical? That's pretty weird. >It was believed to be about thirteen inches long and a little over >two and a half inches thick. ALL: O_O UTENA: Oh, my *God*! JURI: I think I've just gone blind . . . AKIO: Look, I'm proportioned like a *normal*, healthy, adult human male, not hung like a *moose*, all right?! [TOUGA is busy throwing up into a convenient sick-bag] >His cock was a marvelous sight to behold. JURI: Yes, Akio's rooster took first prize in the Ohtori County Fair poultry show for the third year in a row. That cock is certainly a winner. AKIO: Oh, *very* funny. >"Open your mouth." Akio demanded. AKIO: --and close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise! UTENA: "Big" being the operative word, I guess . . . JURI: Then Akio put a live beetle in Touga's mouth. UTENA: The beetle burrowed up under Touga's skin and into his brain, killing him on the spot. The End. TOUGA: I see you watched "The Mummy" recently. >Instantly Touga did as Akio asked. UTENA: There's that word "instant" again. AKIO: You know, considering Touga's appeal, that would be quite the moneymaker. "'Instant Touga': Just add water and stir! Now you can have all the sexy satisfaction of the Seitokaichou in your very own home." Think of the fortune someone could make! In fact-- TOUGA: Akio. No. >He didn't wish to further anger him, because who knows what torture >the deputy trustee chairman might have in-store for him. AKIO: I would assume that *I* know. JURI: Are you planning on sharing the information? AKIO: Nah. But I'd say that right now, I'm going to be getting head. >Akio took a fist full of Touga's shiny red hair into the palm of his >hand and forced his lips to the head of his totally harden cock. AKIO: See? I was right. JURI: Ugh. TOUGA: Hey, I thought it was Tonya Harding's boyfriend that had the hard rod . . . UTENA: The fic said "harden", not "Harding". It's still spelled wrong, though. >Touga needed no prodding, instantly curled his lips around the >chairman's cock, UTENA: There it is *again*! We get the idea, story--Touga's got lightning reflexes or something! JURI: You know, I'm surprised there *isn't* an electric cattle prod involved, given what we've seen so far. TOUGA: Try to not give the fic ideas, all right? AKIO: Hmm . . . TOUGA: And try not to give Akio ideas while you're at it. >admitting all he could of Akio into his mouth. JURI: --after checking his badge and making sure he was on the guest list. >Akio groaned as he felt the head of his cock thrusting against >Touga's tonsils. UTENA: Hmm . . . yup, those'll have to come out right away. Make sure you don't eat anything for at least eight hours before the surgery . . . TOUGA: I have the feeling I'm going to be swallowing *something*-- whether I want to or not. >Toga [JURI snickers] TOUGA: I hate it when people spell my name that way. >gagged a little as Akio's manhood probed further down his throat. It >almost was like Touga was swallowing him. TOUGA: See? *See*? AKIO: You're losing it, Kiryuu. >Finally after a few moments of getting use to the size of Akio, Touga >began to take the chairman into his mouth even deeper. Responding in >kind, Akio thrust deeper and deeper into Touga's oral cavity. UTENA: Ugh. If he goes any deeper, it's going to get messy. JURI: Seconds later, the end of Akio's woody was seared off by Touga's stomach acids. AKIO: Ouch. TOUGA [glances around]: Is it just me, or does this passage make you think of an elevator descending to an underground chamber . . . AKIO: Careful. Mikage might blow a gasket again. >Occasionally Touga would take his tongue and slowly circle around the >head of the midnight colored penis, UTENA: "Midnight-colored"? It's dark blue? AKIO: Bah. Poor description. JURI: That or you've been practicing with the parachute before dragging Touga into this mess . . . >but then Akio would thrust it back into Touga's eager mouth. TOUGA: And halfway down the esophagus, yeah, we know. UTENA: How could *anyone* be eager have a foot-plus of something jumbo and hard crammed down their throat? AKIO: Maybe Touga's Canadian. UTENA: . . . what? AKIO: Haven't you ever seen those foot-long Canadian hot dogs? UTENA: Blah! [she smacks him out of sheer spite] >Tired of being stimulated orally, JURI : Getting head is so *boring*. Yawn. UTENA [blushing]: Arisugawa-sempai . . . AKIO: You sounded so convincing, Juri! JURI: Touch me and die, Ohtori. >Akio removed himself from Touga and he said down on the bed. UTENA: He said what? JURI: "He sat down" is what I think it should be. AKIO: Or else I was telling Touga to lie down. Who the hell knows? TOUGA: Looks like we'll have to buy more Stain-B-Gone at this rate. AKIO: With two men going at it, is that *really* a surprise? >Looking down at the parachute and weights that were swinging from >Touga's genitals, JURI: Oh, look. Windchimes! AKIO : Swing low, sweet chariot . . . UTENA : Comin' for to carry me . . . OFF THIS DAMN SATELLITE!! MIKAGE'S VOICE: Temper, temper, Miss Tenjou. >Akio saw that once again Touga had relieved his seed. AKIO: What a cute euphemism. UTENA: He . . . "relieved his seed". That just sounds *wrong*, somehow. TOUGA: All right, Wheat, you've been in the game long enough. It's the fifth inning and you've let two batters walk. You're out of here, and I'm giving Corn a chance . . . >Shaking his head in disgust, TOUGA: Don't you just hate it when your twisted sex torture makes someone get off, Akio? AKIO: I'm just wondering how you've been able to get off three times in about ten minutes. >Akio placed yet another weight onto the chain. Then he commanded >Touga to open his mouth again. Obeying his master, AKIO : Obey your master! Master! Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings--twisting your mind and smashing your dreams . . . JURI: What an appropriate choice, Akio. >Touga opened his mouth and this time inserted was the ball gag. Akio >fastened the gag tightly around the back of Touga's head, being >careful not to tangle his beautiful red hair. UTENA: How nice of him to be so considerate. He's just locked Touga's privates up in a spiky cage-thing, handcuffed him, and gagged him, but he just won't yank Touga's hair! AKIO: Yeah, I'm downright saintly. >Once the minor task was completed, Akio sat back and took a breather. >He looked up at the twinkling stars of the planetarium and he >inhaled. JURI: If one is taking a breather, it can be assumed that one is inhaling, yes. AKIO : I didn't inhale. TOUGA : I did not have sex with that woman. Or that woman. Or the guy over in the corner. Or-- AKIO: Hmph. >The pungent aroma of sex permeated the room. This was a fragrance >almost a beautiful as Anthy's roses. UTENA: Uh . . . I doubt it. AKIO: Oh? Have you got a frame of reference, Utena, dear? UTENA: *Shut up, Akio*. >The smell of two people displaying their need for each other. JURI: Or the smell of one person inflicting weird sex torture on the other. Take your pick. >Akio exhaled and fell back onto the fluffy bed. His head turned from >the stars on the ceiling above to Touga's cute apple shaped ass. TOUGA: "Apple-shaped"? Huh? It's not "apple-shaped"! AKIO: I have no idea where *that* comparison came from. Maybe one of those little bitty apples? The really round kind? >Licking his lips, Akio sat up and he began to slither toward Touga's >butt. JURI: Oh, *no*. I *really* don't want to see this . . . UTENA: Neither do *I*! TOUGA: There's that slithering thing again. Apples and slithering. I think the author's going heavily into the Bible references here. AKIO: Except I don't remember the serpent trying to mount the apple, do *you*? >All this time they have been in the observatory, Akio had yet to >focus his attentions to Touga's anus. Now lost time was to be made up >for. UTENA: Oh, don't put yourself out on *our* account! JURI: I think that Akio has been "out" for quite some time, actually. AKIO: Don't make me say something you'll regret, Arisugawa. >Touga, who was laying motionless on his side, could feel Akio side- >lying in back of him. Then out of the blue, could feel the gentle >prodding of Akio's manhood at his backdoor. AKIO : I'm a back door man, the men don't know but the little girls understand . . . JURI: Don't bet on it. >This would not be the first time Akio has taken him in such a manor, JURI: So they always screw in Touga's house instead of Akio's place? UTENA: Huh? JURI: First time he's taken him in such a "manor"? UTENA: Ha ha ha. Wait a minute. It said before that Akio "had yet" to do something to Touga's butt. But now the fic's saying that it's *not* the first time he's done this? AKIO: Nod and smile. UTENA: Not bloody likely. >but he could never get use to the anticipation of him entering his >anus or the size of Akio in general. TOUGA: In much the same way that many people never get used to having a baseball bat shoved up their arse. Thirteen inches . . . gah . . . >Touga held his breath as he felt two prods at his backdoor and then >Akio came into him. AKIO: Wow, that was fast. And I was complaining before about *Touga* being fast off the blocks? >Touga let out a muffled scream against the ball gag and Akio smiled >wickedly. UTENA : Duh, me like hearing Touga scream. AKIO: As if *you* don't? UTENA: What?! AKIO [wicked grin]: I've heard some unusual sounds coming from his quarters . . . UTENA: *Akio*! [blushing furiously] It wasn't *me*! JURI: If anybody *looks* at me, they're dead. TOUGA: La la la, I'm not listening, la la la . . . >"Do you not enjoy this Student Council President?" He whispered in >Touga's ear. TOUGA: *No*. >Touga couldn't answer. The gag was preventing him from responding. JURI: We already established that rather clearly, I think. AKIO: Yes, it *is* hard to talk when you've got a two-inch rubber ball stuck in your mouth. >"I know you do." He continued as he thrust deeper into Touga's tight >cavity. UTENA: Gosh, Akio, you sound like you're omniscient, just like a self-insertion! TOUGA: Could you *not* use the word "insertion" right now? >Akio, while not removing himself from Touga's anus, stood up on his >knees and grabbed Toga by his slender waist. He held him tightly as >thrust deeply inside of Touga. Touga's face was buried in a pillow, >because Akio had cuffed his hands behind his wrists, he had no real >way of supporting himself. UTENA: Sounds like Touga's on welfare. TOUGA: You've seen my house. Would you like to reconsider that statement? >He had to let Akio do all of the work. It wasn't like Akio mind doing >the work, in fact all it meant was he could enter Touga as deeply as >he wished, and enter him deeply he did. JURI: Well, it just wouldn't be a dirty fanfic if he didn't, now would it. >Akio slowly slid his cock as far as it would reach inside of Touga. AKIO: We get the idea, story. I'm nuts-deep into the Seitokaichou. TOUGA: Oh, hurrah. AKIO: Utena, would you cover your ears for a moment? You too, Juri. [the girls look at him blankly for a moment, then shrug and cover their ears] AKIO: You know, Touga, you don't usually act this repelled. What's got you so ticked off over this fic, hmm? TOUGA: Well, we're being forced to read it while stuck on a stupid satellite in high orbit. And Utena's here. It's embarrassing. AKIO: Ah. Just checking. I'd thought you'd gone straight on me. [sexy wink] TOUGA: Stop that! AKIO: Hmph. Spoilsport. [he nudges JURI and UTENA] It's okay now. [the girls uncover their ears] >The sensations he was deriving from him were exquisite. He was loose >enough to admit the entire length of his cock into him, but tight >enough to give that extra tightness a cock so richly needed. JURI: That made very little sense, overall. UTENA: I think it's partly because of all the pronoun usage. Sounds like Akio's dinging himself, almost. AKIO: I'm not *that* flexible. TOUGA: Is it just me, or does that passage sound like a very sick and wrong commercial? "That extra tightness a cock so richly needed", my ass. AKIO: Actually, that's just where it is at the moment. TOUGA: Gah! >Also the feel of his cool apple shaped ass was further heightening >his desire, it was a welcome feeling against his hot groin. All these >sensations force Akio to thrust deeper and harder into Touga. JURI: At this rate, he's going to wind up popping out of Touga's mouth if he's not careful. >Touga himself was experiencing pleasure. TOUGA: How, exactly? I'm cuffed and gagged and I've got a midget iron maiden clamped on my manhood, a bunch of lead weights dangling from my delicates, and a giant bratwurst up my fundament. I quit having fun quite some time ago, story. UTENA: Ugh. >Akio's rapid thrusting, the weight of the five ounce weights bearing >down, and the prickly sensation of the parachute itself! He wanted to >come so desperately, but he dare not defy Akio again. AKIO: Oh, why not? TOUGA: Because I don't want to know what else could possibly happen to make me uncomfortable at this point. For all I know, it'll involve nipple clamps, a ladder, and hot wax. AKIO [writing on a small notepad]: Thanks for the idea! TOUGA: Argh! >Besides, he so enjoyed having Akio screw him so forcefully. Touga >tightened and released his anus muscles as Akio would pump in and out >of him. JURI: I have a vision of oil rigs for some reason. >These sensations were almost to much. If any of the girls at Ohtori >Academy saw him like this, he'd become an instant outcast. UTENA: Yeah. You're right. TOUGA: Nice to know I can always count on you to be on my side, Utena. UTENA: I'm going to short-sheet your bed. TOUGA: Just the *thought* of you touching my bedsheets is nice. [UTENA gives up and smacks him] >But it didn't matter, pleasure like this could only be administered >from the true master. JURI: --of jerk-fu. AKIO: Would you stop that? UTENA: I suppose no one really cares that the only reason why Touga does anything like this with Akio is only because he wants power and will do what it takes to get it. It's really not like he *enjoys* this sort of thing, it's just one of the prices to pay. TOUGA: That was very perceptive of you, Utena. AKIO: What?! Are you saying you don't-- TOUGA: No, I don't. [he smirks at AKIO] AKIO: Why, you . . . you selfish, power-hungry boy-slut! TOUGA: Yes indeed, that's me. >Seconds drifted into minuets, JURI: They stopped having sex and started dancing instead? UTENA : This rose is our destiny . . . hiki sakare . . . >the minutes then drifted into an hour. Finally Akio came on the brink >of an orgasm. TOUGA: AN HOUR?! Good lord, did he pop a whole bottle of Viagra beforehand?! [AKIO just starts laughing] >"I'm coming." Akio said as he thrust into Touga. UTENA: "I'm leaving," Utena said as she kicked the doors down . . . MIKAGE'S VOICE: I wouldn't try it, if I were you. JURI : You know, for someone slamming away into a "perfect asshole" for a solid hour, Akio sounds just so *thrilled* about having an orgasm. UTENA : Yeah, Touga *is* a perfect asshole. TOUGA: How can you *say* that about me? Have I ever been less than nice to you? UTENA: Yes. Do I have to start talking about the way you manipulated me during our first duel? TOUGA: . . . never mind. >Akio kept his previous rhythm only gaining speed TOUGA: Which means he was *not*, in fact, keeping his previous rhythm. He was going faster. >as he came closer to the final moment. Finally he withdrew from >Touga's ass, just before he spilled his seed inside him. A hot wad of >come had burst from Akio, some of it dripped down in soft trickles >down Akio's dark cock, but most of it was flowing in a stream down >the crack of Touga's ass. JURI: Thank you for the brilliant description, story. I'm never going to be able to eat ranch dressing again after *that* visual. UTENA: That's *gross*, sempai! JURI: And the fic isn't? >Akio let go of Touga's waist, but before he let him lay on the soft >mattress, he checked to see if Touga had disobeyed him. AKIO: Dammit, Touga, you piddled on the bed! Bad Touga! Bad! Where's my rolled-up newspaper? TOUGA: Oh, ha. Ha ha ha. Very funny. >Much to his surprise, Touga had not come at all during the last hour. TOUGA: Much to our disappointment, Touga hadn't left, either. >"I see you have learned you lesson Student Council President." Akio >said as he unbound Touga's wrists and took the ball gag out of his >mouth. UTENA: I wonder what that's listed under on your report card, Touga. AKIO: Sex Education, of course. What else would it be? >Touga was panting, trying desperately to catch his breath. When he >had calmed down a bit, Akio reached for his still hardened cock. JURI: And put another thirty ounces of weight on the chain, then threw him over a chair and started spanking him with a paddle, bellowing "Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?" TOUGA: *Juri*! JURI: Would it surprise anybody if that's what happened next? >He began to remove the weights from the testicle chain and then he >unfastened the parachute. Touga's cock was all red and swollen from >all the spikes that had been poking at him for the last hour or so. UTENA: You know, that really does sound *terribly* uncomfortable. TOUGA: You just noticed? >Akio looked at Touga's face and smiled, then he said, "Since you've >been so good, I will release your tension." AKIO : I've been makin' a man with blonde hair and a tan, and he's good for relieving my . . . tension . . . UTENA: If you start singing the rest of that song, I'm going to beat you unconscious, Akio. AKIO: Promises, promises. >Akio stuck out his pink tongue and began to lick the head of his >cock. JURI: The way that sentence is worded, it looks like Akio is licking himself. TOUGA: With a thirteen-inch schlong? He probably *could*. AKIO: Why does a dog lick his balls? UTENA: "Because he can." *Everybody* knows that one, Akio. AKIO: I'm surprised that *you* know it, my dear sweet innocent Utena. UTENA: Shush. >Touga gasped at he felt Akio place his entire mouth over his swollen >cock. TOUGA: Oh, look. Akio's got a new job at the carnival sideshow, geeking. JURI: "Geeking"? TOUGA: You know the sideshow guys who bit the heads off chickens? They're called "geeks" and the chicken-biting act is called "geeking." JURI: That suggests that Akio's about to bite off your dingdong. TOUGA: Never mind. Changing the subject now. >Touga was inches away from coming, UTENA: Technically, I think you'd be *seconds* away from it. I mean, it's an event, so it happens at a *time*, not necessarily a *location* . . . >but he was afraid to. What if this was yet another one of Akio's >tests? AKIO: Touga hadn't studied all semester. The horror! JURI: Well, he did just get a "pop quiz," if you'll pardon the pun. >What would he do to him if he came to quickly again? Well, his >questions would soon be answered. UTENA: Just as soon as he dialed the Psychic Friends Network! >Touga couldn't hold back anymore, before he had time to withdraw his >cock from the chairman's mouth, he came. For what seemed like >forever, Touga waited for something to happen, AKIO: Like *what*? You were sexually tormented, you got it up the ass, now you've blasted your rocks off for the fourth time in the whole fic . . . what *else* could happen? JURI: Aliens could abduct them both. TOUGA: And what, subject us to anal probes? Been there! Done that! >but when he looked up at the chairman, he saw that Akio was lapping >up what he could of Touga's seed. When he was finished, Akio stood up >and said to Touga, "You've done well, Mr. President." UTENA: Want to bet Monica Lewinsky used to say that a lot? JURI: I'm just happy it's over. Let's get *out* of here. [Duelist's door sequence . . . in reverse!] [1. You hand the Sword of Dios back to the Rose Bride and tell her you had a wonderful time.] [2. You suddenly remember your opponent. Thinking quickly, you point past him and shout "Look! It's Dios!" When he turns to look, you yank the rose off his chest.] [3. The acrophobia doesn't bother you this time, because you're busy reeling around deafened by the bells tolling your victory.] [4. Stopping at the basket, you snip your hasty stitches and return the decorations before getting back into the elevator to descend.] [5. The elevator stops--nearer the bottom this time--and you stroll down the remaining stairs.] [6. You try to reclose the gate properly, but the rippling water in the reservoir suddenly reminds you of all the soda you had before the fic, and you make a hasty exit to run for the lavatory.] [SoR Bridge. MIKI and ANTHY are waiting for the duelists as they emerge from the theatre] MIKI: Um . . . so . . . how did it go? JURI: I do not want to talk about it. UTENA: *None* of us want to talk about it. MIKI: That . . . bad? TOUGA: Worse. [the message light starts blinking] JURI: I'll get it. [she pounds on the button with unnecessary force] [Observatory. MIKAGE is leaning even closer to the Viewscreen than usual, with an excessively freaky grin on his face] MIKAGE: So, *now* are you ready to beg for mercy? [SoR. The duelists stare at the Viewscreen with profoundly stony expressions] AKIO: No. But we're ready to give you our opinions, Souji. [Observatory. The grin melts slowly off MIKAGE's face, leaving him looking faintly startled] MIKAGE: Ah . . . of course. [SoR] UTENA: It was bad. It was not only lacking in good taste, it was completely bereft of taste. TOUGA: The characterizations were, at best, very remote shadows of what they should have been. JURI: The typos and omitted words were amusing at best, and that's about it. AKIO: Eh, the sex was okay, but anybody with a thirteen-inch cock should be in the Jim Rose Circus. MIKI: Th-th-thirteen inches?! JURI: Yes, you heard right. Akio, in that story, had a whang that would come off the end of a ruler. He stuck it up Touga's butt as part of a weird bondage session. [MIKI faints dead away] [Observatory] MIKAGE: And *that's* the main reason I didn't want to show him that fic. A participant who's out cold on the floor just isn't very useful. [MAMIYA comes into view, crawling very slowly across the floor and occasionally stopping to twitch. A number of electrical wires are trailing from his sleeves and pant cuffs. MIKAGE points a thumb back at MAMIYA] MIKAGE: Like him. At least he's conscious now. How do you feel, Mamiya? MAMIYA: Bzzt . . . frrp . . . guuuh . . . MIKAGE: Ah, go take some aspirin. [SoR] UTENA: Can we just go back to breakfast now? TOUGA: Anthy, did you make any sausage? ANTHY: Why, no, Touga-sempai. Did you want some? TOUGA: *No*! JURI: Get me off this satellite, Souji! [Observatory] MIKAGE: Ah . . . sorry, Arisugawa. When I was experimenting with the effect of high voltage on Mamiya's central nervous system, I had to pull a couple of wires from that particular piece of equipment. Have fun up there! Mamiya, if you could flail a limb and hit the Button as you go past it? [SoR. TOUGA and AKIO are struggling to keep JURI from lunging at the Viewscreen] JURI: YOU ARE A DEAD MAN, SOUJI! A DEAD MAN! DEAD, I SAY! [Observatory] MIKAGE [looking faintly nervous despite the smirk on his face]: Hard to kill somebody who's not alive anyway. *Mamiya* . . . [MAMIYA pauses near the console and goes into a seizure. One arm hits the Button] *PWOOSH*! [As the Observatory fades out, another scene fades in. It appears to be the recreation room of a spaceship. A number of rowdy, rough- looking men are cheering around a table, on which NANAMI--evidently intoxicated--is dancing. The same starched-looking chap from last episode is standing by the door, looking as if he heartily disapproves of the entire sordid scene. The sound comes slowly in . . .] MEN : Macho, macho man! I wanna be a macho man! . . . [The scene fades out] Disclaimers and Legalese (in case you missed them the first time around) Original story written by: The Ends of World MSTing written by: Chris Rain Mystery Science Theater 3000 is owned by Best Brains, Inc. All "Revolutionary Girl Utena"/"Shoujo Kakumei Utena" characters are the property of B-Papas, Chiho Saito, TV Tokyo, Shonenn Iinkai, Software Sculptors, Central Park Media Corporation, and any other companies or individuals holding legal claim to them. I have used them here without permission, but hopefully I will not be viciously sued, as I will not be able to buy any more cool merchandise if I'm broke. ^_^ Comments may be sent to: rainclash@yahoo.com You can send negative comments, too, but I prefer more civilized discourse as befits mature adults in this society. Nyaaaaah!! Visit the Utena Encyclopedia! Translated scripts, song lyrics, >images, episode synopses, character profiles, links, and more! http://www.duellists.tj Visit Themes of the Revolution! Archive of mp3 sound files from the Utena original soundtracks! http://www.duellists.tj/~anshi/ >It was believed to be about thirteen inches long and a little over >two and a half inches thick.