OnsenMark onsenmark12@uymail.com "Tamago no kara wo yabureneba hinatori wa umarezu ni shin de yuku. Warewa ga hina da. Tamago wa sekai da. Sekai no kara wo yaburaneba warera wa umarezu ni shin de yuku. Sekai no kara wo hakai se yo. Sekai wo kakumei suru tame ni!" - The "Chick Speech", Shoujo Kakumei Utena Mystery Eva Theater 3001, Episode 01: "Shoujo Kakumei Pokemon" Originally written by: Anj MiSTed by: OnsenMark! MST3K(and any related concepts) is owned by Best Brains, Inc. Neon Genesis Evangelion and all related concepts are are the property of Gainax, Project Eva, TV Tokyo, ADV, Viz, and a whole bunch of other people. Bender(from the animated series "Futurama") is the creation of Matt Groening, and is therefore the property of him, 20th Century Fox, and prolly some other folks. Shoujo Kakumei Utena is the property of Chiho Saito, Kunihiko Ikuhara, BePapas, TV Tokyo, Central park Media/Software Sculptors, and a whole lot more people than you can shake a stick at. Oh, and "Pokemon" is the property of Nintendo and some other folks, too. I, or at least my avatar in this MiSTing, is the property of myself. Go figure. Oh, and Disaster is the property of himself. DSE(namely, Disaster's Suspicious Enterprises) also is the property of Disaster, after a fashion. I don't think he'll mind, though. This fic was originally written by Anj, and no insult or injury is intended in any way. Hopefully she won't kill me over this. ^_^; SOUND POSSIBLE LANGUAGE WARNING! This MiSTing might contain nasty language, and maybe a few other bits of general naughtiness. You *have* been warned. Onward! [Satellite of DSE, 9AM SST(Satellite Standard Time)] Mark sat in the control center of the SoD, reading the printout of the daily news, and idly munching on a piece of toast. Bender, the dimensionally-displaced robot from the year 3000, was dozing in a corner after the previous evening's drunken stupor. Mark put down the printout and finished his toast. Surprisingly, Disaster, (Mark's former boss at DSE) hadn't woken he and his compatriots early for once so that he could run one of his inane experiments on them. So far, today was relatively calm. However, this wasn't going to be the case, as his fellow MiSTers(and dimensionally-displaced former Eva pilots) Shinji and Asuka entered the room, apparently continuing the argument they had the previous evening. "I say she failed! Utena didn't bring the Revolution in any way, shape, or form! She totally blew it!", said Asuka as she glared as Shinji. "No way!", replied Shinji. "One could *think* Utena failed, but she *did* bring *a* Revolution, as far as Anthy's concerned. Utena freed Anthy from her role as the Rose Bride." Asuka harumphed. "Well, what do *you* think happened?", said Asuka to Mark. "I dunno," he replied. "I'm still wondering what Ikuhara was smoking when he made the movie. It makes 'Chinese Gods' look less weird by comparison." "Can't argue with that," Asuka said as she grabbed a piece of toast from the plate and began nibbling. Suddenly, the "Mads" light began to flash. "Oh, joy. Akio's even-more-evil twin is calling," she groaned as she reached over to tap the button. The view screen came to life to reveal... [DSE HQ] ...the visage of Disaster, Mark's former boss, and the person who stuck them all on the SoD in the first place. The various Rei clones were milling about in the background. "Well, well, well," he said. "It would seem that I'm interrupting your morning repast. Good," he continued as he sneered into the viewscreen. [SoD] "Oh, God, what do you want now?" Asuka asked in an exasperated tone. "Couldn't you at *least* have the common decency to let us finish eating first?" [DSE HQ] "True," Disaster replied. "But it wouldn't be as much fun." He looked closer at the viewscreen. "Where is that drunkard you call a robot?" [SoD] Mark pointed at Bender lying prostrate in the corner. "He was on one of his namesake binges again last night. Go figure." [DSE HQ] Disaster growled. "Hrmph. Fine, I just won't use him for today's experiment, then. Which means that Ikari'll be joining you and Asuka in the theater today, and you'll be working your butts off, hopefully." Disaster smiled malevolently. "And since both Asuka and Shinji have just enjoyed a rather lengthy marathon of it, I thought I'd send you an Utena-related nugget of joy. And it's a cross-over, no less. Now, CHOKE ON IT!" Disaster turned to a random Rei. "Send them the fic, Rei." "Hai, Disaster-sama," TV's Rei # 34 replied. [SoD] Asuka and Shinji groaned in unison. "Haven't we been confused enough this week?" groaned Asuka. "Apparently not," replied Mark, as the familiar cacophony of movie sign began, "because we've got FIC SIGN!!!". Mark and the two former Eva pilots made a mad dash for the theater, all the while making an attempt to finish their breakfast. Bender, however, stayed right where he was. Not that it mattered, anyway. [Door,6,5,4,3,2,1] The three MiSTers entered the theater and sat down.(seating order: Asuka, Mark, Shinji) Shinji: Didn't Disaster say this was a crossover? Asuka: I think so. Shinji: I wonder what it's crossed over with. Asuka: I dunno. I hope it's not too bad. Mark: Ssh! It's beginning. >Shoujo Kakumei Pokémon >- Gotta Duel ‘Em All - Shinji: Oh-kay, *this* is gonna be a weird one. Asuka: Really. I mean, come on? POKEMON?!?! Sheesh. Shinji: You got that right. Mark: Shh. The weirdness is starting. > > Brock looked up from the map. "I think we’re lost." Mark: This, coming from a person who hasn't opened his eyes in twenty years. Asuka: Really. > "I told you that wasn’t a shortcut!" Misty screamed. Shinji[Bugs Bunny]: Well here we are -- Pismo Beach, and all the clams we can eat! > "Hey, it’s not so bad," Ash mumbled. "This is a pretty big town. I >bet they have a gym here. I’m ready to earn another badge." > Looking at the tall, ornate, white buildings, Brock nodded. "Pretty >ritzy neighborhood. Hey, look! There’s a school!" Mark: Galaxy High, it ain't. Shinji: Maybe so, but the students are still somewhat spacey... > "Yeah! Let’s ask that kid for directions!" Ash grabbed the arm of a >passing blond boy. "Hey, can you tell me which way to the Pokémon Center?" >Bewildered, the boy backed away. "The what? I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of >such a place. I don’t have time to talk right now. I have to get to the >grocery store and buy the ingredients for Nanami-sama’s lunch tomorrow!" He >scurried away. > "Pika?" Pikachu twitched his ears. > "That was weird." Ash frowned. Asuka[Misty]: Be glad we're not in AM continuity, then -- *that* Ohtori is *really* f**ked up. Mark: Heh. > Misty ran up to a tall, dark, handsome man wearing a red shirt and a >purple tie. He leaned against a shiny, red convertible. "Excuse me, sir! >Could you point us in the direction of the Pokémon Center?" > Stroking one hand along the fender, he smiled with melting charm. >"Perhaps another time. But I would be . . . happy . . . to take you to the >. . . infirmary." He dropped to one knee and gently clasped Misty’s ankle. > "I can . . . bandage . . . this sprain, if you like." Mark: I'm *really* beginning to wonder about Akio...Misty's like, what? Eleven? I didn't know he was into *that*. Asuka, Shinji[in unison]: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew... > She jumped back. "Uh, there’s nothing wrong with my foot!" Asuka[Misty]: ...except for the fact that it's about to go where the sun don't shine... > He slowly raised his gaze to her face, then stared at her for a >moment though half-lidded eyes, the hint of a smile playing at the corner of >his mouth. "I see. Perhaps you would like to see the End of the World?" Shinji: Been there... Asuka: ...done that. And we didn't even get the freakin' t- shirts! Mark: ...heh. > Brock and Ash each grabbed one of Misty’s shoulders, and Pikachu >grabbed her leg. Brock stammered, "That’s a very kind offer, sir, but we’d >better be on our way." They ran deeper onto the campus. Shinji[Mikage]: Fukaku...moto fukaku... > Eventually they slowed to a walk again. Misty glanced at Ash. "I >have a bad feeling about this." Mark: Thank you, Han Solo. > "Me too. This place is creepy. And I haven’t seen any Pokémon at >all!" A frantic "Pika!" from below caught his attention. "What is it, >Pikachu!" Shinji[Brock]: It's the Digimon Emperor. We've accidentally walked into the Digi-world. Mark: There's a crossover we *don't* need. Asuka: I'll second that. > Pikachu pointed behind them. Brock stood frozen like a statue. Ash, >Misty, and Pikachu ran back to him. "Brock! What’s wrong." > His fingers twitched and his mouth hung open in a dazed grin. "I’m >in heaven! Look at all the beautiful girls!" Mark: ...the hell? How the hell can he see them? His freakin' eyes are always closed! Shinji: Really. I'm surprised his face isn't one big bruise from bumping into things. Asuka: You guys forget -- this is a *Pokemon* crossover. Pokemon's *always* freaking strange. I mean, why does Team Rocket ALWAYS go after Ash's Pikachu? The only thing that's special about it is that it won't go into a Pokeball. I mean, how dumb of a reason is *that*? Mark: Really. > Several groups of willow-thin female students in short- skirted, >puffy-sleeved uniforms lingered in the area. Brock started to float toward >the nearest cluster when a girl with flowing pink hair, wearing a black >jacket and tight red shorts, strode by. All of the other girls gasped and >squealed and jumped and waved and cheered. "Utena-sama! Utena-sama!" When > Utena had passed, the girls grabbed each other’s hands and all chattered at >once, with a few phrases rising above the babble. "She’s so cool!" "Isn’t >she dreamy!" "She looked at me!" Asuka: Hmph. That Tenjou twit doesn't have a THING on me. Mark, Shinji[in unison]: ...err...yeah. > An audible crack sounded as Brock’s smile shattered. He stumbled >back several steps, clutching his spiky hair. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It’s my >worst nightmare! All these beautiful girls, and they’re all lesbians!" He >crumpled to the ground, sobbing. Pikachu patted him on the back, >consolingly. Mark: If he only knew... Asuka: Really. Not *everyone* at Ohtori is gay. Shinji: Unless you're in a Chris Davies fic. Mark: We will never, EVER speak that name in here! Shinji: Sorry, sorry... Asuka[mockingly]: Shinji's in trouble, Shinji's in trouble... Mark, Shinji[in unison]: Shut up, Asuka! Asuka: Hmph. > Misty leaned over to Ash. "I’ve never heard that word before. >What’s a lesbian?" Asuka[Angelica]: If you have to ask, then you'll never know, you dumb babies! > "I don’t know. Maybe it’s some kind of Pokémon?" He whipped out his >Pokédex. All:(blink, then snicker)BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! > "No entry found," the machine chirped. All: Well, DUH. Mark: Dang Windows CE! > "Oh well." Ash shrugged. "Maybe it’s a new type that hasn’t been >recorded yet." Mark: Oh, that's right. They haven't gotten to Johto yet, have they? Asuka: Nah. It's going to be one of the new Pokemon in the upcoming Pink Version. > A tiny gray creature with huge round ears and a long thin tail >scampered by, panting "Chu! Chu! Chu!" with each step. His single hoop >earring and striped necktie bounced with his gait. > "Chu?" Pikachu called. > The animal skidded to a halt. "Chu?" Mark[Ryo-Ohki]: Miya? Asuka[Mokona]: Puu? Shinji[Pen-Pen]: Waaugh? > Pikachu bounded toward it. "Chu!" > He jumped up, twisting his tail. "Chuchuchuchu! Chu!" > "Pika?" > A sweat drop appeared on his forehead. "Chu?" > "Pi?" > "Chu!" He bolted away, screaming in alarm. "Chu! Chuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Asuka: Kinda makes you wish Pokemon was subtitled, huh? Shinji: Pretty much. Mark: I dunno, it kinda made sense to me...mind you, it made about as much sense as jumping off Mt. Everest without a parachute, but still. > "Oh!" Ash cried. "It’s getting away! But I want to capture it!" >He and Pikachu ran after the creature. > Pouting, Misty looked for a stone to kick, but the courtyard was >spotless. Asuka: Anthy likes to keep things *really* clean, huh? > "Are you having some kind of trouble?" A serene, pink haired boy >leaned against a white marble wall. > "Oh, he always gets so excited about catching Pokémon that he forgets >about me." Mark: Well, *duh*. Ash is like, what? Eleven? Come on, now. > The pink haired boy smiled placidly, gazing at Brock, who lay >crumpled and forgotten behind Misty. Then he nodded. "Perhaps you’d like >to come to my seminar?" > Mark: I'll pass, thanks. I'd rather go to the bathroom to puke up what's left of breakfast. Asuka: I'll second that. Shinji: And I'll third it. Mark: It's unanimous, then. Let's get the hell out of here... [Everyone gets up and heads for the doors] Asuka: Hey! They're still locked! Disaster[over PA]: Of course! Now sit back down! I'd liike to get this over with this morning, meaning no breaks for you lackwits! NOW SIT!!! [Everyone grudgingly sits down, grumbling all the while] Shinji: Sheesh. Who peed in *his* Wheaties today? Mark: I dunno. I think he's channeling Vince McMahon this morning. Asuka: Who cares? Let's just get this over with. >* * * * * > Shinji: ...tiny snowflakes, tiny snowflakes... Asuka: Didn't we do that one already? Mark: I dunno. Does it matter? Asuka: I dunno. > Misty sat in the elevator, beside a framed, mounted Butterfree. "Ash >is always so selfish and immature. He thinks he’s going to be a Pokémon >Master, but he goofs off so much and doesn’t really want to work for it. >And I wish he’s pay more attention to me." Asuka: Is it just me, or did Misty start puberty early? Shinji: I don't think it's you. Mark: Really. > The frame now housed a Metapod. "It’s not that I don’t like Ash. >He’s a good friend really. I actually like him a lot. Maybe I even . . . >no . . ." > "Deeper," whispered a disembodied voice, Go deeper." Asuka: [Starts to open mouth] Mark: No hentai riffs from you, young lady. That's Bender's job. Asuka: Aww. He can't have ALL the fun. Shinji[Scotty]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Cap'n! > "Sometimes I wonder if I might not even love him." She glanced up at >the framed Caterpie. "WAUGH! I HATE BUGS!" Pressing into the corner, she >screamed, "And I hate Ash, too! That annoying jerk! Who does he think he >is, running off after that weird Pokémon and leaving me all alone!" Asuka: Eh, Like Misty's so great. Stuck-up little... Mark: My, aren't we bitter today? > She crumpled to the floor beneath the framed leaf as the elevator >lurched to a stop, the pink haired boy stood over her. "I understand. I >suppose you have no choice but to revolutionize the world. The way before >you has been prepared." > Misty glanced up. "Huh?" > Shinji: What? No Misty-getting-impaled-with-a-black-rose scene? Mark: Really. We never get to have any fun. >* * * * * > Mark: I forget. What's this Morse Code for again? Asuka: Probably something like, "this fic blows". Shinji: Heh. > Brock looked up to see Ash plodding toward him, Pikachu riding on his >head. A few paces behind Ash walked a beautiful Indian girl wearing >glasses. A small rodent-like monkey perched on her shoulder, nibbling what >Brock recognized to be the special Pokéchow he had blended for Pikachu, >which should have been stashed safely in Ash’s backpack. But that didn’t >matter when Brock was looking at a pretty girl. He jumped up and clasped >her hand. "Hello, Miss. My name is Brock." Mark[singing]: ...my name is Brock, thanks a lot... Shinji: *Nobody* will get *that* one. Asuka: *Very* obscure. Mark: Maybe, but the movie kicked ass. > She smiled pleasantly. "My name is Anthy Himemiya." > Brock blinked with surprise, realizing he should have used his full >name to introduce himself. Then he blinked again with more surprise, >realizing he had no idea what his surname was. But that didn’t matter . . . >pretty girl . . . ooh. He stopped drooling long enough to ask, "Could I >take you out to dinner sometime? Like maybe tonight?" Shinji: Just make sure you stay away from the curry. > "If Ash-sama says I can." > Brock glared at Ash as much as one can glare with closed eyes. >"Ash?!" Pikachu quickly hopped to the ground and took shelter in the >shrubbery. The boy shrugged. "I don’t know what happened. That little >Pokémon climbed up onto the shoulder of that pink haired girl. When I threw >my Pokéball at it, I accidentally knocked a rose off her chest. Now this >other girl won’t stop following me around." Shinji: Could be worse. Ash could have Wakaba glomping on him. Mark: Huh? Shinji: Oh, yes -- the girl has the Grip 'o Death. > They were interrupted by a blood-curdling scream of >"Pikaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Crashing through the bushes, Ash and Brock found the >still, barely breathing form of Pikachu. Mark[Ash]: Yesss! That [bleep!]ing yellow rat is dead! Let's party! All:[sounds of general rejoicing] > Ash reached for his small, yellow friend, but Anthy caught his >shoulder and tugged him away. "You mustn’t, Ash- sama! His spirit has been >drawn out. Moving him would be very dangerous." All: [make sucking sounds] Shinji: Okay, who cast Drain? Asuka: Don't look at me. I thought I cast Osmose. Mark: Heh. > "Who would do such a thing?" Ash wailed. All:[raise hands] Yo. > "Come with me." Anthy walked away, and Ash followed. He paused to >glance back. "Brock . . ." > Brock nodded. "I’ll stay here and guard Pikachu." Mark[Brock]: And while you're gone, I'll roast the little rat over a spit and...oh, crap! I thought you left already... Shinji[Brock]: Tastes like chicken! > Anthy led Ash to the foot of an immense spiral staircase, then she >vanished. Ash climbed . . . and climbed . . . and climbed . . . > Asuka: I call no "Scenes From An Elevator" references. Mark: I'll go with that. Shinji: Works for me. Mark: Although I'd like to see that little twerp Ash fall down that stinking staircase instead of Utena. [Asuka and Shinji nod assent] >* * * * * > > A female shadow with a long comet-tail of hair fell against the wall. > "Prepare for trouble!" > A male shadow joined her, back to back. "Make it double!" > "To protect the world from devastation . . ." Mark: Oh, God... Shinji: Really. I figured they'd be doing the Chick Speech. Asuka: Baka Shinji! This scene's scary enough in and of itself! Don't make it worse! > "Stop that!" A more-or-less feline shadow dropped from above and >shoved the other two apart. "You’re not even in the right place! The >camera’s pointed at that wall, not at you!" > "Oh!" cried the female. > "Drat!" whined the male. > "Aw, forget you two! I met this funny-looking blond gal who said she >wants to give me as a present to her older brother. I saw their mansion. >They must be bazillionaires! So I’m gonna let her put me in a box so I can >get into that house and steal all the loot! See you losers later!" He >cartwheeled off, stage right. Mark[Bender]: Oh, we're boned. Asuka: You do that so well. Mark: Thank you. > "Kashira! Kashira!" a female shadow with a bow in her hair appeared >to the left. > "You shouldn’t be here!" another female shadow, this one with two >strangely disconnected braids, appeared to the right. "You’re never >supposed to interrupt the staircase sequence!" > The first two shadows grabbed onto one another. "We’re sorry!" They >slid off to the side. > The shadow girl with the bow looked toward the audience. "Why are >you still here?" > All[singing]: Blame Canada! Blame Canada! Mark: Better yet, [singing, slightly off-key] blame Dis-as-ter! Blame Dis-as-ter! Disaster[over PA]: I *heard* that. Mark: Good. >* * * * * > > Ash climbed . . . and climbed . . . and climbed . . . "I can’t take >much more of this." He stumbled into the arena, gasping for breath. >"Finally!" Asuka: Aww, too bad you didn't show up later in series continuity. You could have taken the elevator. Shinji: And gotten to see Anthy in the buff...ooops! Asuka:[rolls eyes] Hentai. Mark: Heh. > Anthy smiled at him. She didn’t even look winded. And she was >wearing the most horrific red dress Ash had ever seen. "That looks like >something James from Team Rocket would wear . . ." Then he glanced down and >realized that his jacket looked a little . . . frillier . . . than he was >accustomed to. He pulled at the lacey trim along the lower hem. "Ugh!" Mark: Oh, like Ash *didn't* look like a geek before. > He looked past Anthy to see a hundred desks, each with a Cascade >Badge laying on it. In the middle of all the desks, a black uniformed >redhead with one scraggly, jutting ponytail stood with her back to him. She >turned slowly. "I swear by this black Pokéball, that I shall defeat you and >bring death to the Rose Bride." Shinji: EVERY day is a bad hair day for Misty... Mark: Really. Why doesn't anyone tell her that her hairdo sucks? Asuka: Because they're all too busy laughing their asses off at it. Mark: Oh. > Ash glanced at Anthy. "What does she have against you?" Asuka[Anthy]: She hates my shaved ice. Oh, and I told her that her hairdo *sucked*. > Anthy didn’t respond, she simply recited something about roses and >noble castles and the Power of Dios, all of which went totally over Ash’s >head. Then Ash noticed that there was a Pokéball sticking out of her chest. > Grimacing, he grasped the Pokéball of Dios and raised it above his head. >"To be a Master!" > All:[groan loudly] >* * * * * > > Watching from a distance, Juri lowered her opera glasses and glanced >at Miki. "That’s just not right." > Miki clicked his stopwatch, then gulped. "No, it most certainly is >not." > Mark: Gee. What gave you THAT idea, genius? Asuka: Was that a zing? I'm still somewhat new at this. Shinji: I think so. >* * * * * > > Misty hurled the black Pokéball at Ash. He threw the Pokéball of >Dios. Out popped . . . a herd of elephants? Ash frowned and scratched his >head. "That doesn’t make any sense. You can’t keep more than one Pokémon >inside a Pokéball at a time. And what kind of Pokémon are those anyway? >They look kind of like Donphan, but weird." Asuka: Oh, and an electric rat isn't? Mark: You forget, this is Pokemon. The animals are usually smarter than the people anyway. Asuka: Oh. Yeah. > Nevertheless, the hundred desks slid aside into four groups as the >elephants trampled Misty, crushing the black Pokéball. She screamed in pain >and collapsed neatly onto one of the blood-red outlines of the hundred dead >. . . er, sleeping . . . Duelists. Shinji: Gah, you'd think DiC had dubbed this fic. Mark: Could be worse. Could be early DBZ. Then the Hundred would have "been sent to another dimension". Shinji: Ick. > "Misty!" Ash crouched by her side, then looked at Anthy. "Is she >alright?" Asuka[Anthy]: Other than that crappy hairdo... > "She will be fine now, Ash-sama." > "What about Pikachu?" Asuka[Anthy]: He should be digesting quite nicely in Brock's stomach right now... Shinji: Feeling a bit morbid today, Asuka? Asuka: Ehh. A bit. It should subside once the fic ends. > "He should be waking up by now." > Ash jumped up and smiled widely. "Really? You’re sure Pikachu’s >okay now? Yay! I want to go see him!" He ran toward the stairs, nearly >colliding with Utena. Shinji: ...who proceeded to trip him up so that he fell over the side of the Dueling Platform to his death. The End. Asuka: And you call *me* morbid, baka Shinji. Shinji: Bite me. > She pushed him back. "Wait, before you go, I challenge you to a >duel!" All:[whistle "Duel Of The Fates"] > "Not now!" > "Yes now!" she demanded, punching her fist into her palm. > "Oh, alright." > Anthy placed a pink rose on Utena’s chest and a Pikachu- yellow rose >on Ash’s, then stepped back. Anthy recited another incantation, and Utena >raised her fencing foil. > >* * * * * > > Miki grabbed the opera glasses from Juri. "Hey! I didn’t give >Tenjou-sempai permission to use my foil!" > "Yes, well," Juri cleared her throat, "She already broke my sword. >So I told her she could use yours." Mark: I'm not going to touch this one. Shinji: Me neither. Asuka: Likewise. > Miki glared at Juri. > "Is there a problem?" she asked flatly. > "No." He clicked his stopwatch, then clicked it again for good >measure. > Shinji: You know, I've been meaning to ask Miki why he does that... Mark: I've always wondered the same thing... Asuka:[rolls eyes] Men. >* * * * * > > Ash looked at the Sword of Dios in his hand. "What am I supposed to >do with this?" Asuka[Utena]: Fall upon it, you twerp. But make sure you hit the rose pinned to your chest while you do it. Mark: Heh. > Before Anthy could answer, Utena walked up, bellowed an incoherent >battle shout for no apparent reason, and flicked the rose off Ash’s chest >with her finger. Mark: If only *all* of Utena's duels were that easy... Asuka: Really. She would have brought the Revolution by the end of the first arc. > "Is that it?" Ash asked as the sword vanished. Asuka[Utena]: Not quite. Now, turn around so I can give you a swift kick in the butt for getting suckered by Team Rocket every single time... Mark: And odds are, he'd deserve it, too. Shinji: No doubt. > "Yeah, you can go now." Utena looked at Anthy. "Ready to go home?" >"Hai, Utena-sama!" > >* * * * * > > Ash ran across the courtyard. "Pikachu!" > "Pika!" The electric mouse bounded up and leapt into the boy’s arms. > Ash stumbled back, rubbing cheeks with his furry friend. Mark: ...when suddenly, Pikachu accidentally electrocuted Ash with a lethal dose of electricity. The End. Shinji: We're *all* in a dark mood today, huh? Mark: I guess. > "Oh, Pikachu! I’m so glad you’re okay!" He looked around. "Hey, >where’s Brock?" > "Pi?" Shinji: In English, Pikachu just said, "That moron Brock is going around bumping into things, because he never opens his !?@&ing eyes. What a dumbass." Mark: Heh. > "He was supposed to be guarding you." Asuka: "The Bodyguard", Brock ain't. > At that moment, the shiny, red convertible screeched to a halt, and >Brock stumbled out. His shirt hung open, and he somehow looked . . . >sluttier . . . Mark: There's a picture I didn't need. Asuka: Really. And I'll bet his eyes are still closed. > "I . . . have seen . . . the End . . . of the World . . ." Shinji: How? His eyes are always *closed*, for crying out loud! Asuka: Let it go, Shinji...just...let it go. Mark: Really. It's just another stupid thing about Pokemon. > The tall, dark, handsome man, now with ungodly amounts of hair >flowing past his shoulders and a white jacket, hanging open of course, waved >a farewell to Brock, then drove away. Asuka: Ouch. If Akio had that much hair, I'm surprised it doesn't get caught in the transmission or something like that. Mark: Really. > "What was that all about?" Ash asked. > But all Brock would say was, "Cactuses . . . cactuses . . . cactuses >. . ." Mark: Well, I'm stumped. Shinji: Me, too. Asuka: Ditto. > Misty trudged up to them. "I have a Psyduck-sized headache." Asuka: Well, that's what happens when you repeatedly head-butt your hairdresser for giving you such a crappy hairdo. Shinji: Heh. > "Chu!" Pikachu hid behind Ash’s legs, cowering at Misty’s approach. Mark: Okay, Shinji -- what did the rat say now? Shinji: Two words. "Crappy hairdo". > "Hey, Misty." Ash folded his arms. "Why did you attack me?" He >looked down at the shivering mouse. "And are you the one who stole >Pikachu’s spirit?" Asuka[Misty]: Yeah, but I couldn't get squat for it on the black market, so I put it back. Mark: Maybe she could have gotten more on eBay. > "Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about." > "What? You mean you don’t remember?" > "Remember what?" She shook her head. "Oh, let’s get out of here. >This school is beginning to give me the creeps." Asuka: ...do you remember when your...eyes met mine? Mark: Nobody's going to get *that* one. Shinji: Unless they've seen the DYRL dub. Mark: You never know. > "I agree." > "Pika!" Pikachu took his place on Ash’s head. > "Come on, Brock. We’re leaving." > "Cac . . . tus . . ." > Mark: Nono. "Rosebud". Asuka: Oh, well. Can't have everything, huh? Shinji: Really. >* end * All: YAY! Shinji: Thank God *that's* over! I thought that would never end. Asuka: Don't worry about it. You'll get used to it eventually. Mark: Ah, who cares? Let's get the hell out of here. [1,2,3,4,5,6,Door] The MiSTers exited the theatre just as the "incoming message" light began to flash. "Oh, look. An incoming call from the Dork Authority," Asuka deadpanned as she hit the button. [DSE HQ] "I *heard* that, Soryu," Disaster growled. "Be glad I don't have any Oscarfics on me, or else you three would be marching your butts back into that theater!" Disaster took a moment to compose himself. "Now, then. What did you think of today's experiment? Are you ready to squirm yet?" [SoD] Mark shrugged. "Not me," he said. "What about you guys?" "Not I," replied Asuka. "Me neither," said Shinji, "but I think Bender is, but only because he's still getting over that alcoholic binge he was on last night." "No dice, o lame one," said Mark. "Better luck next time." [DSE HQ] Disaster growled. "This isn't over! I swear, I'll make you three submit before this is all over!" He turned to a random TV's Rei. "Push the button!" "Hai, Disaster-sama," replied TV's Rei #6. *The Ever Lovin' End.* Writer's Notes: Wow. I actually wrote a *real* MiSTing! "Real" meaning one I'm actually willing to post. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for my next MiSTing, but I already have a few in mind. Hopefully, *next* time, I'll actually post an Evangelion MiSTing; I've done one before, but there's no way on God's green Earth that I'm going to post it. It's a long story. Before I go, I'd like to thank the following people: - Angela Kroeger, for letting me MiST her work in the first place, and for sending me all of Shoujo Kakumei Utena, save the musical(can't have 'em all, ne?). Get better soon, so you can come back and share in the weirdness that is alt.fan.utena! - Disaster, for letting me use him as the heavy in my MiSTings, and for coming up with the concept of DSE in the first place. Now, some of you are asking yourselves: "Just what the hell is DSE, anyhoo?" Well, allow me to give the following explanation, parts of which are taken from an unreleased MiSTing I did... DSE is/was a fictional company created by a fellow poster to the japan.anime.evangelion newsgroup. Basically, it was a vision of a perfect world where we all could goof around, and where high technology reigned supreme. DSE is broken up into various divisions, such as R&D, Real Estate, and Popcorn. The Lancers are the foot soldiers of DSE.(Note: my avatar in these MiSTings is a former Lancer.) BTW, there are 49 Reis in the DSE world, and they were the inspiration for the TV's Rei clones. Hopefully, this will explain a little bit of the backstory. I'm also considering working on a series of "pay-per-view" MiSTings, meaning you have to mail me and ask for one. These are MiSTings of things no one in their right mind would do(such as self-MiSTs, MiSTs of chat logs, and the like). So far, I only have one PPV episode available("Touched By An Evangelion"), and if anyone would like a copy, then please e-mail me at the address listed below, and I'll try to get it to you as soon as I can. Well, that's all. If anyone has any C&C, then send it to: onsenmark12@uymail.com. Send flames, too, as they will be printed out and used as my bog roll. Thanks for reading! Keep circulating the posts! > Misty leaned over to Ash. "I've never heard that word before. >What's a lesbian?"