Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser AN IDIOTIC AND LATE Y2K1 SPECIAL: (Celebrate my getting off my ass to write this!) SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MAMIYA: (Peering through binoculars.) Ah hah! Look there, Mikage-kun! Miki the Hut has sent his dastardly minions to pick up Touga from where we ensnared him in our brilliant secret weapon! MIKAGE: (Blinks.) You mean the net? MAMIYA: (Turns red.) Yes, the net! MIKAGE: (Leans over to look out of the elevator. Squints his eyes just slightly.) Uhm... what dastardly minions are you talking about, Mamiya-chan? All I see is Kozue doing her best to drag Touga away in the net. MAMIYA: (Turns red again.) Yes, but she's dastardly indeed. Look at how Touga flails in the secret weapon, trying his best to escape from her nefarious clutches. MIKAGE: (Scratches the back of his head.) He looks like he's asleep and moving around because of his dream. MAMIYA: (Turns so red he looks like a beet.) Enough! She's dastardly and he's afraid to be in her clutches, that's the end of this discussion, Mikage-kun! MIKAGE: (Sighs and sits down.) Whatever you say. So... what do you want to do now? MAMIYA: (Blinks.) Don't know. MIKAGE: (Looks off into the distance.) Utena is still falling down the stairs. I'm surprised she's not dead yet. MAMIYA: (Shrugs.) What can you do? She's scrappy. MIKAGE: (Nods wisely.) Yep. SCENE: The Kendo Club dojo. Saionji Kyouichi is practicing and trying to look cool. Chu Chu sits eating a cardboard box and watches him. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. SAIONJI: (Thrusts his bokken. Pauses in his practicing to turn and face the readers.) I AM ALIVE!!!!! CHU CHU: (Eating a cardboard box.) Chu... SCENE: Second unmain ballroom in the French Le Ramada Inn. Aino Minako is scrambling frantically to get enough chairs for people to sit in. There's a large crowd gathered to see Washuu unveil what she calls her greatest and most brilliant creation to date. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MINAKO: (Wails and gets teary eyed.) People have too many butts! Why does everyone need a seat?! I'm on the edge of a nervous break down!! (Minako then runs off in search of more chairs. In the meantime, Washuu walks onstage wearing a triumphant smile on her features.) WASHUU: (Smiling triumphantly.) Today is a good day for science and I am not in Dexter's laboratory! But today I shall unveil my greatest creation which will best display my sheer and utter genius in the arena of science! (There is a pause as the audience erupts into clapping just because, well, it seems appropriate.) WASHUU: (Still smiling triumphantly.) Thank you, thank you! And now, I present to you now... the ultimate Anime lesbian! The lone love child of Arisugawa Juri and Tenoh Haruka, Arisugawa Tenoh Ai!! (The curtains on stage suddenly pulls back to reveal the form of a girl who looks to be seventeen. She's a very impressive figure, both elegant and svelte with reddish blonde hair that shines in the light and moves in gentle waves, which is just above her shoulders. She has eyes that sparkle just like their blue green color of the seas. Her smile glints in the light and draws in all who see it. Last of all, her curves are revealed all too well in the skimpy black bikini that she has on. Oh, and for some reason, there's a constant flurry of sakura blossoms and multicolored bubbles behind her. Horribly romantic instrumental music plays in the background.) AI: (Slowly looks around the room, she finally focuses her attention on Juri and Haruka. Her eyes light up and cause them to sparkle even more. She then cries out in soft spoken but charming tones.) Mommies!! HARUKA: (Gulps nervously.) Mommies? JURI: (Eyes wide.) Mommies? AI: (Rushes towards Juri, who is standing closest to the stage and wraps her bikini clad form around her in a tight hug.) Mommy! I'm so happy to finally meet you! JURI: (Gasps under the tight hug.) Mommy? AI: (Unwinds slightly from Juri, still holding her hand as she turns to look at the very pale Haruka. She drags Juri after her as she rushes towards the blonde Senshi.) And Mommy! I'm so happy to see you too! HARUKA: (Gasps and gets wide eyed as she's enveloped by Ai in a tight hug as well.) Mommy? WASHUU: (From the stage. Has her hands on her hips and is laughing madly.) A success! I've not only created the ultimate Anime lesbian but I've created the ultimate Anime lesbian couple and family! Bwahahahaha! AI: (Hugs Juri and Haruka who gasp.) We're finally together, Mommies! Aren't you glad? JURI: (Glares at Haruka.) This... is all... your doing isn't... you damned tomcat Senshi...! HARUKA: (Glares at Juri.) Shut up... you angsty... and overdone dramatic duelist...! WASHUU: (Still laughing madly.) Success! (She pauses in her mad laughing to stare at something.) Uh oh... (Juri and Haruka along with Ai, all tilt their heads to see what Washuu is staring at. It's the several thousand girl groupies that have devoted themselves to Juri for the past few episodes. They're all looking very, very, very, very, very pissed off and have a huge black cloud hanging over their heads as they glare severely at Juri.) GIRL GROUPIES: (Low animalistic growl.) Juri-sama... JURI: (Gulps nervously.) Now girls... lets not be hasty. I mean, lets consider this reasonably... how on Earth could I have a love child with Haruka? We're both women. HARUKA: (Nods quickly.) And we've never done it! (She pauses to mutter.) Well, except that one summer... JURI: (Hisses under her breath.) You're not helping! GIRL GROUPIES: (Glare darkens.) You've betrayed us... JURI: (Laughs anxiously.) Well... not really... it's not like we had an exclusive relationship or anything... HARUKA: (Groans.) Oh, you're so dead, Arisugawa. AI: (Eyes go wide. Looks very kawaii.) Mommy? Why are all those women glaring at you? JURI: (Looks at Ai. Starts to yell but loses herself in Ai's cute and wide eyed innocence.) Uhm... they're mad? AI: (Frowns kawaii-ish.) But why? Because of me? (Her eyes get teary and she sniffles.) Was I bad? Do you hate me now, Mommy? JURI: (Waves her hands around quickly.) No, no! You didn't do anything wrong! Mommy loves you a lot! AI: (Tears instantly clear away. Hugs Juri tightly.) I'm so glad, Mommy! I love you so much! JURI: (Gasps under strength of hug.) I'm glad too... GIRL GROUPIES: (Grow teary eyed and wail.) It's no use! Juri-sama has a family now! She doesn't need us!! (The girl groupies disappear in a cloud of dust, which is odd, considering they're inside and all, and leave Juri and everyone else watching wide eyed at their departure.) HARUKA: (Quirks an eyebrow.) Huhn. I didn't expect them to take it that well, did you, Arisugawa? (Juri doesn't respond and moves her free arm out of the hug Ai has her trapped in to point over Haruka's shoulder. The blonde Senshi turns around to face the huge and very frightening form of Michiru's face turned into a demon head that even Tendo Soun would be afraid of.) MICHIRU DEMON HEAD: (Growls.) Harukkkka... HARUKA: (Pales and stammers.) Mi-Mi-Michiru! MICHIRU DEMON HEAD: (Growls.) You swore that you'd never cheat on me... without my permission! Now you will pay for breaking that vow! HARUKA: (Pales even more. Looks ghostly.) But I didn't do anything! I swear it! AI: (Looks from Juri to Haruka and blinks.) Mommy? HARUKA: (Looks at Ai and laughs nervously.) Not now... Mommy is about to be killed by the love of her life. AI: (Frowns kawaii-ish and dashes to stand in front of Haruka. Holds her arms out to protect her.) Love of my Mommy's life, stop it! I'm a test tube baby! JURI: (Blinks.) A what? MICHIRU DEMON HEAD: (Echoes.) Test tube? AI: (Nods severely.) I'm a product of Auntie Washuu's genius! She created me from the strands of Mommy and Mommy's perfect lesbian hairs! MICHIRU: (Demon head shrinks away.) Really? AI: (Nods again.) Really! I wouldn't lie to you! Mommy loves you lots and you're real pretty. MICHIRU: (Blushes at this.) Well... it does make sense and you do take after Haruka with your compliments. AI: (Smiles widely.) Mommy is damn smooth! JURI: (Frowns.) Who taught you to say that? AI: (Smiles at Juri.) Auntie Ryoko. She says all sorts of fun four letter words, Mommy. Want to hear them? Fu-- JURI: (Dashes forward to clasp her hand over Ai's mouth, effectively muffling what she was about to say.) No, that's okay, thank you very much, Ai-chan! WASHUU: (Walks over to them. Laughs triumphantly.) She's a chip off the old block, isn't she? I'm so proud of her, Ai is truly my greatest creation. JURI: (Dryly.) Thanks to our genetics, you mean. WASHUU: (Laughs suavely.) Yes, well, of course. (She peers down at Haruka who has collapsed on the floor and is twitching.) Hmm... that doesn't look healthy. MICHIRU: (Smiles sweetly.) Don't worry about, Haruka. She always gets like this after I yell at her. JURI: (Stares sympathetically at Haruka.) Ouch. (She feels a tugging on her arm and looks at Ai who clutches to her arm cutely.) Yes, Ai-chan? AI: (Frowns kawaii-ish and points at the crowd of people who are all staring at her with heart shaped eyes.) Why do they look at me that way, Mommy? Am I a meal? JURI: (Eyes narrow.) Not if I can help it. SHIORI: (Appears out of nowhere.) Juri-sama! She's so cute! Is she really your daughter? AI: (Eyes get wide. Points at Shiori and shrieks in somehow kawaii tones.) Satan!!! JURI: (Smirks.) Yes, she definitely is. SCENE: A random field outside the elevator on the grounds of Ohtori Academy. Kaoru Kozue is dragging the figure of Kiryuu Touga in the secret weapon... err, net across the grounds very slowly. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. KOZUE: (Huffing.) He's... a heavy... playboy... TOUGA: (Snores as he talks in his sleep.) Everyone in Ohtori must worship me! KOZUE: (Huffing.) Relieving his previous deity like status in his dreams, I guess. Can't say I blame him. (Suddenly, a stampeding sound is heard and the girl groupies that formerly worshipped first Touga and then Juri, appear running towards them.) KOZUE: (Frozen. Eyes wide in terror.) Oh crap. (Luckily for Kozue, the girl groupies manage to screech to a halt just in front of her. In fact, inches away from her.) KOZUE: (Breathes a huge sigh of relief.) Thanks. GIRL GROUPIES: (Eyes teary. Wail.) Juri-sama has a family now! We have no purpose in life!! KOZUE: (Blinks.) Err... that's nice. Well, I have to get Touga here to my brother, so I'll see you all later. GIRL GROUPIE #1: (Wipes away her tears.) Miki? What does he want with our former Sempai? KOZUE: (Shrugs.) Dunno. Probably wants to torture him. It's hard to tell with my brother lately. GIRL GROUPIE #234,098: (Eyes go wide.) Torture him? Really? You think that what he's going to do? KOZUE: (Shrugs again and ponders.) It makes the most sense, if you ask me. Miki does hate Touga, after all. (The girl groupies all confer for a moment before they turn to face Kozue in perfect synchronization.) GIRL GROUPIES: (Shout excitedly.) Take us to your brother! He's our new Sempai!! KOZUE: (Blinks dimly.) Okay. SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is rapidly falling down them. As she does so, loud and disturbing bells ring out in the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs.) This getting damn monotonous!! How long have I been falling anyway?! AUTHOR: (Coughs.) Seven episodes now. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs. Forms a thoughtful expression then rages.) And how long did it take for me to walk up these stupid stairs?! AUTHOR: (Coughs again.) Uhm... five episodes. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs. Rages with an uncontrollable volume now.) How in the hell can it take me longer to fall down the stairs than walk up them?! Don't the rules of gravity apply here?!? AUTHOR: (Laughs.) Yes, well, it IS Ohtori. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs. Sweatdrops.) That's true. (Growls angrily.) Damn you, Ohtori! Damn you and your freakish dream like rules of existence!! AUTHOR: (Reminds.) It's all Akio's fault, you know. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs. Screams at the top of her lungs.) And damn you Ohtori Akio!!! SCENE: The Upside Down Castle. Ohtori Akio is sitting in a lazyboy recliner next to Dios who sits on his own. They're staring at the big screen television in front of them. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. AKIO: (Sneezes.) Bless me. DIOS: (Looks at Akio.) ... AKIO: (Nods wisely.) Yes, that does mean that someone has been talking about me, doesn't it? DIOS: (Frowns slightly.) ... AKIO: (Laughs easily.) I wouldn't worry about that. DIOS: (Arches an eyebrow.) ... AKIO: (Leans forward. Whispers.) Because, I took away all her weapons after the last time. She's defenseless now. DIOS: (Smiles happily.) ... AKIO: (Nods wisely again.) I like cheese too. SCENE: The ultra cool penthouse suite of the French Le Ramada Inn. Arisugawa Juri and Tenoh Haruka sit on a couch together observing Kaioh Michiru playing dress up with their daughter, Arisugawa Tenoh Ai. Sitting across from them in her special floating chair is Washuu. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. HARUKA: (Eyes narrow.) What I want to know is why. Why would you make someone with our genes? JURI: (Eyes narrow also.) What's your game, Washuu? WASHUU: (Smirks slowly.) I like Jeopardy. (Juri and Haruka sweatdrop at this.) JURI: (Coughs smoothly and looks cool.) Funny, but tell us the truth. Why have you done this? WASHUU: (Shrugs.) It seemed like a good idea and a good way to make up for all the things I've done that were less than good for the universe. You know, the destruction of a few random stars and the creation of some plagues. HARUKA: (Twitches.) But you made us a d-d-dau-- JURI: (Pats Haruka on the shoulder.) You can say it. HARUKA: (Closes her eyes calmly.) Daughter. JURI: (Smiles proudly.) See? There you go! HARUKA: (Sighs at Juri.) I think you've adjusted to this whole thing way too quickly, Arisugawa. I mean, because of her now we have a d-d-dau-- JURI: (Quirks an eyebrow.) Daughter? HARUKA: (Sighs heavily.) Exactly. JURI: (Ponders this and looks cool.) Well... the way I see it, there's not much we can do about it. Ai's here now and she IS our daughter so we might as well get used to it and try our best to be good parents. I mean... (Juri ducks her head to whisper in Haruka's ear.) Who knows how much she's been warped by spending time with Washuu? We're going to have a lot of work just trying to get her to adjust being around somewhat normal people now. HARUKA: (Nods gravely.) I see what you mean. (Stares at Washuu.) Now then, I can see how creating a child who has Arisugawa's and my superior Anime lesbian genetics would be a boon to the world as a whole, but don't you think you should've asked our permission first? Or maybe not refer to her as our love child since we haven't had sex in a few... ehh... heh, I mean, our having sex couldn't even cause the creation of Ai in the first place? WASHUU: (Considers this. Looks thoughtful then stares at Juri and Haruka right in the eyes.) No. HARUKA: (Blinks dimly.) No? WASHUU: (Drolly answers.) You would've just said no. So what would've been the point? And as for saying Ai is your love child... she is your love child. She's the product of the love everyone has for you two as the very coolest Anime lesbians in known existence. JURI: (Whispers to Haruka.) She's sucking up to try and calm us down, Tenoh. HARUKA: (Whispers to Juri.) I know. It's working. WASHUU: (Smiles.) Anyway, don't you have better things to discuss right now? Like just which one of her Mommies is Ai going to live with? (Juri and Haruka slowly meet each other's eyes.) JURI: (Begins.) She's not living in Juuban--! HARUKA: (Finishes.) She's not living in Ohtori--! JURI: (Scowls.) What's wrong with Ohtori?! HARUKA: (Scowls too.) It's full of perverts and fanciful things that don't exist in the real world, that's what! Plus everyone here is sexually androgynous!! JURI: (Scowls deeper and rises to her feet. She points her finger in Haruka's face.) Oh yeah?! Well, Juuban is full of stupid youma and people from the Dark Kingdom who all steal dumbass crystals out of peoples bodies!! HARUKA: (Rises to her feet and growls.) At least in Juuban we don't have French people. JURI: (Gasps and looks totally enraged.) That's it! (Juri jumps on Haruka and they get into an ultimate cool Anime lesbian cat fight. From the other side of the room, Ai watches this with a frown on her face. Next to her stands Michiru who has just finished dressing Ai in a cool blue and gold uniform that is similar to Juri's uniform for the Student Council, but has a huge butt bow on it.) AI: (Eyes go wide. Kawaii worried.) Mommies? MICHIRU: (Clasps Ai's shoulder. Counseling tones.) Don't worry, Ai-chan. This is their way of showing each other that they care. Pretty soon they'll be making up. At least, if I remember that summer from long ago correctly. (Sure enough, a few seconds later, the cat fight has descended into a make out session as Juri and Haruka still roll around on the floor together.) AI: (Looks kawaii happy.) Yay! I'm so glad! MICHIRU: (Dryly.) So are they. (Pulls on Ai's butt bow and leads her out of the penthouse.) Come on, Ai dear, I'll show you around the convention. Lets let your Mommies have some time to themselves, hmm? AI: (Kawaii smile.) Kay! MICHIRU: (Pauses in the doorway.) Washuu-san? You should come with us. That is... if you want to live. WASHUU: (Chuckles nervously.) Yes, of course. (Floats out the door in her chair.) I was heading right after you. MICHIRU: (Dry tones.) Right. SCENE: The catacombs of Ohtori Academy. Kaoru Miki aka Miki the Hut is seen lying on his bed. He is a huge blob of... well, fat. His breathing is raspy and he's almost completely surrounded by ding dong wrappers. Next to his bed stands Kaoru Kozue and the girl groupies. In front of them is Kiryuu Touga, who's sort of awake. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly. Can't understand due to how fat he is. We now require a translator.) ... KOZUE: (Looks at Touga. Droll tones.) 'So, I've finally captured you, Kiryuu Touga. Now you will know depths of suffering which before now, only I have known.' MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Looks at Touga. Droll tones.) 'Bwahahahaha.' MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Looks at Touga. Droll tones.) 'Ha.' TOUGA: (Half asleep.) Wuzzat? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Looks at the girl groupies.) Miki says: 'Why the hell are you people here and do you have any offerings of twinkies or ding dongs for me?' GIRL GROUPIE #45: (Doe eyes.) We don't have any offerings for you, great Miki the Hut-sempai, but we do have ourselves. We're our offering to you! We want from now on to devote ourselves wholly to you! Whatever you want, we'll do it... we belong to you! MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Rolls her eyes.) Are you serious? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ...! KOZUE: (Grumbles.) Fine, fine, whatever. (Looks at the girl groupies.) Miki says: 'Bring me ding dongs, wenches.' GIRL GROUPIES: (Excited, say together.) Yes, Miki the Hut-sempai! Right away! (The girl groupies exit the catacombs in a flurry of motion leaving Kozue alone with Miki and Touga.) MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Looks at Touga. Droll tones.) 'Prepare yourself for the highest form of suffering, you puny weakling.' TOUGA: (Half asleep.) Mommy? SCENE: The outside of the Dueling Arena. Saionji Kyouichi is walking around with Chu Chu. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. SAIONJI: (Laughs triumphantly.) At last! Another scene! CHU CHU: (Looks up at Saionji.) Chu? Chu, chu. SAIONJI: (Nods wisely.) Exactly, my friend. It was my brilliant reminding of the author and the audience that I'm still alive that caused this second scene to occur. CHU CHU: (Shrugs.) Chu chu chu, chu. SAIONJI: (Frowns.) Hmmm... that is true. She does like to use me for a catalyst of awful things happening. And it is odd that we're walking around here for no reason. CHU CHU: (Sounds ominous.) Chuuuuu... SAIONJI: (Shivers now.) Don't say that! It's scary! CHU CHU: (Apologetic.) Chu chu, chu. SAIONJI: (Nods his head.) Yes, well, I forgive you but the very thought that she has something like that planned is frightening to me, don't you see? CHU CHU: (Sighs softly.) Chu chu... SAIONJI: (Shivers again.) The very idea that she might go so far as have me rescue Utena. How despicable... SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is rapidly falling down them. As she does so, loud and disturbing bells ring out in the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs. Rages.) That's it! I can't take it anymore! (Out of nowhere, she produces a cool looking sword and stabs it into the stairs.) Hahahah! Take that you stupid stairs! I still have the cool sword that Juri-sempai gave to me! I'll destroy you yet!! (Utena now slashes at the stairs, cutting herself as she does so, but she also manages to carve a big hole in the stairs ahead of her, so this time instead of falling down them, she falls through the big hole. Falls through the hole and straight down towards the ground below.) UTENA: (Falling through the air now.) Craaaaapppp!! SCENE: The outside of the Dueling Arena. Saionji Kyouichi is walking around with Chu Chu. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. SAIONJI: (Tilts his head back.) Eh? What's that? CHU CHU: (Looks up also.) Chuuuu... SAIONJI: (Shades his eyes.) Isn't that...? CHU CHU: (Scoots away from Saionji.) Chu! SAIONJI: (Frowns at Chu Chu.) Where are you going? And didn't we already use this gag in the spamfic? (Chu Chu doesn't have time to reply as Utena comes plummeting out of the sky to land on top of Saionji.) CHU CHU: (Observes Saionji's crumpled from that Utena lies on top of.) Chuuu... chu chu. SAIONJI: (Groans lowly.) Lousy... redundant... author... UTENA: (Groans happily.) No more stairs for me... SCENE: The catacombs of Ohtori Academy. Kaoru Miki aka Miki the Hut is seen lying on his bed. He is a huge blob of... well, fat. His breathing is raspy and he's almost completely surrounded by ding dong wrappers. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. KOZUE: (Looks disgusted. Is behind a curtain.) Do I have to help him put this on, Miki? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ...! KOZUE: (Grumbles.) Fine, whatever. But this is really weird you know. Weird and sort of perverted. MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Rolls her eyes as she steps out from behind the curtain.) I don't think this is anyone's greatest triumph. MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Rolls her eyes again.) Yeah, yeah. Hey, Touga! Miki says: 'Present yourself before me, lowly scum.' (The curtain pulls back to reveal Touga wearing a way too scantily clad metal bikini that is very reminiscent of the one Princess Leia wore in Star Wars. He also has the metal collar and chain around his neck as well.) MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly. Pulls on the chain to the collar which he holds in his fat hand.) ...! KOZUE: (Looks at Touga. Droll tones.) 'Now you are truly my slave, Touga! You belong to Miki the Hut and no one else! Know my own torment working under you!' TOUGA: (Smiles seductively.) This sounds like fun. MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Sighs heavily.) I tried to tell you, Miki. He's a pervert. Did you really expect him to be upset about being your slave and wearing that funky get up? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Shrugs.) Yeah, well, it was a nice try. SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. A-KO: (Ponders.) So Miki's captured Touga and dressed him up like Princess Leia and Utena is finally done falling down the neverending stairs. B-KO: (Dry tones.) This has been an exciting return into the world of Anime fanfic writing for our author. C-KO: (Nods perkily.) She did a damn good job! B-KO: (Looks at C-ko.) I was being sarcastic. This was probably one of the lamer episodes she's written. C-KO: (Is still feeling perky.) But at least we're back! B-KO: (Groans.) You're such a bim... A-KO: (Shrugs her shoulders.) Hey, she is right. At least we're back. That's something at least. B-KO: (Shakes her head.) Being back in this fic isn't something to be glad about, if you ask me. C-KO: (Blinks suddenly.) Uhm... wait a minute. Wasn't this supposed to be a New Years celebration fic for the year being 2001 now? B-KO: (Grouses.) Yeah, so what? C-KO: (Perplexed.) No one in the fic has even mentioned that it's the new year or the fact that it's not AniLesboCon 2000 anymore, it's AniLesboCon 2001. (As A-ko and B-ko consider the actual truth of the statement, the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: dreiser0@earthlink.net The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will AniLesboCon (now) 2001 still be going on?! What will Utena do now that she's escaped the horror that is the neverending stair case?! And how long can Touga wear the metal bikini before it chafes?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on Yahoo Messenger! My i.d. is: dreiser3 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/superhighway/Dreiser/ dreiser.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ AniLesboCon 2001; Because the best women are animated: http://www.shoujoai.com/~anilesbocon/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "(Chow chow smile smile chow chow smile smile chow chow smile smile chow chow smile smile.)" -Tsukishiro Yukito; Card Captor Sakura- NANAMI: (Looks up. Blinks.) Errrrrr... MAZE: (Blinks also.) Is that even a quote? NANAMI: (Growls.) No, it isn't! Dammit! What the hell is with our stupid fic author and these nonquotes?! MAZE: (Shrugs.) I guess she thinks they're funny. NANAMI: (Eyes wild. Looks psychotic.) I'll show her funny... oh yes... I'll show her... MAZE: (Looks nervous as Nanami starts to laugh in maniacal tones.) Uhm... Nanami-chan? NANAMI: (Laughs madly.) I'll show her!