eh, i'm on a roll. or something. Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE THIRTY ONE: AniLesboCon Goes On and On. SCENE: Lobby of French Le Ramada Inn. Sailor Pluto aka 'Puu' is sitting in front of a large table that has a sign over it which reads 'Information Girl.' On top of the table sits Mokona who's red jewel on his forehead is now pink and in the shape of an upside down triangle. It's very, very, very, very, very late at night or early in the morning. Either way, hardly anyone is awake except for the freaks. And Puu, that is. Since Puu (of course) isn't a freak. PUU: (Looks up. Scowls.) Damn right, girlie girl. (Looks to Mokona, says in droll tones.) Aren't we full of pride tonight? MOKONA: (Nods.) Puu, puu puu puu! PUU: (Thoughtfully.) It helps you get the chicks? MOKONA: (Nods again.) Puu, puu puu puu. Puu! PUU: (Eyes wide.) They think you're female with that on?! MOKONA: (Waggles eyebrows.) Puuuuuuuu... PUU: (Groans.) You're a sick little bunny thing, you do know that, don't you? MOKONA: (Shrugs.) Puu, puu. Puu puu puu. PUU: (Leans back in her chair and rests her legs on the information table.) Yeah, I guess you're right about that. MOKONA: (Squints and looks up.) Puu, puu puu. PUU: (Sighs.) Yeah, you're right. It is a bummer that she cancelled her big party so she could make her quota. (She pauses to frown.) What quota did she mean, anyway? MOKONA: (Waves useless hands about.) Puu puu puu! PUU: (Eyes widen.) She wants to WHAT?! And I'm just sitting here! (She stands up and runs off.) You be the cute information thing while I'm gone, Mokona! MOKONA: (Watches Puu depart.) Puuuu... SCENE: A random ballroom inside the French Le Ramada Inn. Several Anime characters who, by all means, can't call themselves Anime lesbians are gathered in a group. TENCHI: (Grumbles.) I told you! Ryoko tied me up! MISATO: (Rolls her eyes.) We know, we know, but that doesn't tell why the rest of us are here. I mean, we're not the lesbians from our series so why are we here? Are we just here because people want for us to be lesbians? IFURITA: (Shrugs.) In my case it makes sense. I'm hot. SHAYLA: (Grouses.) Hey, I'm hot too! Way hot! AFURA: (Smirks quietly.) You're hotheaded. Difference. SHAYLA: (Glares at Afura.) Be quiet, Afura. You should be here. No one knows who you want to date. It could be one of the girl characters. (Evil smile.) Fatora maybe? AFURA: (Shudders.) No, thank you. Alielle please. SHAYLA: (Triumphant laugh.) Ha! I knew it! AFURA: (Quirks an eyebrow.) And when did I deny that? SHAYLA: (Fumes.) You little... WASHUU: (Rolls her eyes.) To be honest, I think all of us nonlesbians should stick around. What's the real harm in us staying here? The atmosphere is good and if they really do end up taking over having them as allies would be useful. TENCHI: (Whines.) But... Ryoko tied me up! WASHUU: (Eyes Tenchi.) Why do you keep saying that? TENCHI: (Whines more.) Because I'm still tied up! LINA: (Grouses.) So deal with it. (Her eyes get all heart shaped and she clutches her hands to her tiny breasts.) If we stay I get all the free food I want! Buffets even! AMELIA: (Nods emphatically.) We must stay! For con truth, justice, and free food! Juri-sama is footing the bill! SCENE: An ominous hidden room inside of the French Le Ramada Inn. Several shadowy figures sit around a long ass table looking very ominous like their hidden room. In the far corner of the room a huge pile of toaster ovens can be seen. Why they're sitting there is anyone's guess. FIGURE #1: (Huge sneeze.) That was weird. FIGURE #5: (Worried.) Do you think they know our plan? The reason why they're here? FIGURE #7: (Derisive.) They're far too stupid for that. FIGURE #1: (Harsh.) Don't underestimate them just because they're heterosexuals! We need all of our wits to beat them! Or rather... (Chuckles.) To bring them over to our side. FIGURE #3: (Chuckles also.) Yes, precisely that. ALL THE FIGURES: (Declarative.) Let the conversion begin! (Ominous laughter fills the air until all of the figures get sore throats and their laughter abruptly cuts off.) SCENE: A lesser ballroom in the French Le Ramada Inn. It's the one where all of the guest booths are set up. Since the two 'How to score with chicks' booths are unwomaned at the present time, the most popular booth is the one run by Daidouji Tomoyo. It being the most popular because it's the only one with people still running the booth (the other owners having all left due to the late time) and the only one with someone looking around at it. Of course, the fact that Tomoyo and her business partner Kinomoto Sakura are fast asleep and cuddled next to each other, doesn't really help their business any. But hey, it's kawaii! ATARU: (Squints his eyes as he looks at the booth.) This is one weird ass booth... half of it is dedicated to Cosplay costumes and the other half is dedicated to porno videos. Of course, the real question is: to steal or not to steal from two kawaii little girls while they're sound asleep? Hmm... (Before Ataru can make up his mind, a shout suddenly fills the air and he whirls around to face another man.) ATARU: (Looks disgusted.) What're you doing here?! Only lesbians are allowed at this con I thought! MAMORU: (Decked out in full fancy tuxedo garb but for some reason has a pink scarf tied around his neck.) I know that and I belong here! For I am the only male lesbian in known existence! I'm an anomaly, so you mustn't steal the porno of those two kawaii sleeping girls, for that is evil! ATARU: (Frowns.) Hey, since you're Tuxedo Kamen, shouldn't the Author refer to you as that instead of your real name? I mean, it's giving away your secret identity. AUTHOR: (Snorts.) Yeah, right. Everyone already knows all their secret identities from Sailor Moon anyway. And it isn't like his little white mask works all that well anyway. MAMORU: (Eyes tears up. Sniffles.) You... you don't have to be so cruel about it! (Bursts into tears.) Meanie! AUTHOR: (Sounds panicked.) I'm sorry, Mamo-chan, really! Please, stop crying! Your identity is SO secret! And look, I'll even write you as Tuxedo Kamen now! TUXEDO KAMEN: (Stops crying.) Really? Oh, thank you so much! (Turns back to normal and somehow looks a bit ominous as he stares at Ataru.) Drop the porno. ATARU: (Drops the porno he was stealing while Tuxedo Kamen and the Author were speaking.) Dammit... caught again. Why can't I ever get away with anything fun? TUXEDO KAMEN: (Carefully replaces the porno and tries not to wake up Tomoyo and Sakura. So kawaii!) Why are you here anyway? You're a man and a nonlesbian at that. I'm the only known male lesbian, not you. ATARU: (Eyes shine rather evilly.) Oh yeah? Think again, buddy. I've not only had my personality changed into a girl but I've been one as well and I STILL chased skirts! That means I'm the ultimate male lesbian, buddy, not you! TUXEDO KAMEN: (Looks shocked, how we can tell this despite his flimsy white mask who knows.) But... but how can that be? I was told that I was the only one... that I was special! (He runs away bawling.) They lied to me!! ATARU: (Watches Tuxedo Kamen exit.) What a girl. (He then goes back to stealing Tomoyo and Sakura's porn.) It's good to be alive... yup, it sure is... SCENE: The catacombs of Ohtori Academy. Kaoru Miki aka Miki the Hut is seen lying on his bed. He is a huge blob of... well, fat. His breathing is raspy and he's almost completely surrounded by ding dong wrappers. Next to his bed stands Kaoru Kozue. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly. Can't understand due to how fat he is. We now require a translator.) ... KOZUE: (Rolls her eyes.) How did I get this job again? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Coughs loudly.) Miki says: 'I must get my props from those lesbians at the convention. They'll buy all their food from Miki the Hut and Miki the Hut only. Or else!' MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Groans.) Do I have to say that? MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ...! KOZUE: (Grumbles.) Fine, whatever. Miki says: 'Awww yeah.' Then he said to me: 'Do it ho ho, and do it now!' MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Bored tones.) 'Soon I'll control all the snack food products in the world! Muwhahahahaha...' MIKI THE HUT: (Mumbles lowly.) ... KOZUE: (Bored tones.) 'Ha.' SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is rapidly falling down them. As she does so, loud and disturbing bells ring out in the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Still falling down the stairs.) Getting... a... really... bad... headache... here... (As Utena falls down the neverending staircase she looks to one side and notices the French Le Ramada Inn.) UTENA: (Squints and reads.) AniLesboCon 2000? What the hell is that supposed to be? (Utena hits her heard particularly hard as she falls.) UTENA: (Grabs her head as she keeps falling.) Ow! Dammit! Someone kill me already! SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. C-KO: (Scratches her head.) Why aren't we at the big lesbian convention that Juri-sama is holding? (Whines as she jumps around.) I wanna goooooo! B-KO: (Dry tones.) Because we're not lesbians, baka. We're Shadow Play Girls. Shadow Play Girls can't be lesbians. All we can be is shadows on a wall. A-KO: (Nods.) We're sexless. B-KO: (Nods too.) Exactly. C-KO: (Puzzles.) But then how do we reproduce? A-KO & B-KO: (Blankly.) Ehhhh... (And as A-ko and B-ko pondering this most perplexing problem, the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will AniLesboCon 2000 still be going on?! And is Utena going to keep falling down the neverending flight of stairs?! What will happen if the lesbians at the convention don't buy their food from Miki the Hut?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "His power level is increasing!" -Vegita; Dragonball Z- NANAMI: (Eyes go wide.) Oh no... MAZE: (Blinks.) What? NANAMI: (Eyes still wide.) She's quoting DBZ... MAZE: (Blinks again.) So? Lots of folks like that series. Stuff explodes in it and they think it's cool to watch. NANAMI: (Eyes going wider.) She hates DBZ... MAZE: (Confused.) Then why is she quoting it? NANAMI: (Eyes look like small moons.) She must have run out of ideas for quotes... but to resort to DBZ... (She shudders.) Oh... how I fear for all of mankind... MAZE: (Blank tones.) Ehm... okay... Juri Rules All. Keeper of Tara's missing fashion sense. Magic usage kills your inner style! -- .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'