Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE TWENTY SEVEN: Piles of Anime Lesbian Mail, Oh My! Why Oh My? To Rhyme the Lines! SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. (Muffled noises come from the elevator floor which can't be clearly seen, much to many peoples relief, I'm sure. The most likely cause of said muffled noises are Mikage and Mamiya. To know just what they're doing try your best to recall the sex education classes you might have received during high school. Now recall what they didn't teach you. Yeah, that's what they're doing right this very second. Syrup and all.) MIKAGE: (Head raises into view.) Syrup? But we haven't used the syrup yet. We just started with the whipped cream. MAMIYA: (Head also raises into view. Face is covered with bits of whipped cream.) We have syrup, Mikage-kun? MIKAGE: (Looks at Mamiya.) Last I checked, we did. MAMIYA: (Forms a slow smile.) I do love syrup... MIKAGE: (Lets loose a high pitched squeak.) Lucky me! (Once again, Mikage and Mamiya disappear from view and the muffled noises begin to fill the air.) SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Slowly walking up the stairs.) This sucks. (There's a fairly long and significant pause where the only thing that can be heard is the usual stair walking theme song.) UTENA: (Slowly walking up the stairs. Grouchy. More grouchy than normal.) What?! What's with the pause of silence?! Do you really expect me to be giving you pearls of wisdom right about now?! I've been walking up these stairs for how many freaking episodes now?! I'm tired! TIRED!! And why the hell don't we have an escalator or an elevator?! This stupid school is loaded with money and we're being held in a weird fairy tale-esque environment by an evil control maniac who's using his sister's magical powers! We should have modern conveniences like elevators and escalators instead of some torturous neverending stairs! (Utena abruptly pauses in her rant and her walk to blink dimly as she realizes something.) UTENA: (Gives a sheepish laugh.) Well... I take back that part about wanting an elevator instead of stairs. Considering the way this fic has gone so far I think that we can do without another one of those operating in Ohtori. (She laughs again in sheepish tones then starts walking up the stairs. A moment passes before she tugs at her red shorts and mutters.) Stupid tight shorts that show off my butt. They always give me a wedgie. SCENE: Some random road in Ohtori where a pile of truckers can be seen lying in the road in a toppled heap. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays in the background. TRUCKER #456: (Moans.) He was a monster... TRUCKER #6,701,091: (Moans also.) A bishonen monster... TRUCKER #13: (Groans for variety.) Blue haired monster... TRUCKER #4,900: (Says weakly.) The guy had to be a monster to steal all our trucks just for the stuff that we were hauling. I mean, who in the world can eat that many ding dongs? ALL THE TRUCKERS: (Groan together.) He was a ding dong addicted monster... SCENE: Arisugawa Juri's newly built headquarters. Several hundred girls wander around the room, all adoring Juri in their own special way. The wonderful magnificence that is Juri can't be seen as she's hidden behind a huge pile of papers that are stacked several feet high on her desk. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. JURI: (Wading through papers. Sounds muffled.) I never thought I'd say this... but I think there are too many Anime lesbians. I'm not sure we have enough room for them all. AUTHOR: (Sounds helpful.) Well, maybe we don't have to invite them all to your convention? Just the cool ones? JURI: (Considers this.) We could do that... I'm not sure that I want any of the hentai girls here. AUTHOR: (Snickers.) Why, Juri-sama, are you hentai prejudiced? After all, Anime lesbians are Anime lesbians. JURI: (Droll tones.) True but considering the cast that we have here at Ohtori I'm not sure that letting loose the girls from La Blue Girl would be such a good thing. AUTHOR: (Murmurs.) Good point. JURI: (Reading one of her many suggested lists.) Why are people suggesting that I invite myself? I'm in charge of this whole thing so of course I would be invited. (Sounds surprised.) Ukyo and Shampoo? Since when are they part of the glorious Sapphic sisterhood? AUTHOR: (Would shrug but is merely a voice without a body in this particular spamfic.) Probably just wishful thinking I would imagine. Did they mention Nabiki? JURI: (Smirks. Sounds smug.) No one needs to mention Nabiki to me. I know how she swings from experience. AUTHOR: (Surprised.) What, Juri-sama? You mean...? JURI: (Coughs. A bit embarrassed.) Well, she does have that wonderful husky voice and she's awfully sexy... AUTHOR: (Sighs.) And here I wanted you with Maya. JURI: (Blinks.) Who? AUTHOR: (Sighs again.) Never mind, Juri-sama. I'm just prattling again. I have to admit, Nabiki is very sexy. JURI: (Smirks.) You don't need to tell me that. AUTHOR: (Groans.) Hoo boy. SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually untimely and infrequent eclipse. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko aren't seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. (Overwhelming silence takes place. The sound of flapping wings are heard then some scuffling noises.) BIRDS: Tweety, tweet, tweet! (As the birds that can't be seen because of the unusually untimed eclipse continue to tweet the scene fades to more black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?! Can Utena free herself from the horrible grip of her red shorts wedgie?! Just how many truckers did Miki trounce for the sake of ding dongs?! And which Anime lesbians will Juri invite to the marvelous convention that she's planning?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: LINA: Here comes the bondage queen of darkness. NAGA: Yes, and I'm fit to be tied. TOUGA: (Gives a low and self satisfied chuckle that still manages to sound rather hentai.) Truly a quote worthy of my attentions. When they're diverted from online porn, that is. NANAMI: (Looks up. Blinks.) Oniichan... I'm not sure that's a quote. It looks more like script format to me. TOUGA: (Still chuckling.) Yes, very worthy indeed. And I do like the idea of Lina tying up Naga. I wonder if they'll be making an appearance at Juri-san's upcoming convention. NANAMI: (Stares at Touga. Shrugs.) Oh well. I guess I'll just have to analyze whatever it is. (Stares at the quote.) I'm not sure it has any depth other than sexual innuendo though. TOUGA: (Looks at Nanami.) Isn't that depth enough? NANAMI: (Sweatdrops.) If you say so. TOUGA: (Laughs madly.) I do say so! Because I'm the great Kiryuu Touga and I say whatever I like on the merest of whims! NANAMI: (Slowly.) Right... Juri Rules All. Despite what any Canadian TV people might say Haruka is NOT Michiru's sister. NOOOO! NOT SISTERS! -Quotes from me- -- .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'