Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE TWENTY FIVE: Natural Selection. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MAMIYA: (Reading the newspaper.) It appears that mechas are destroying downtown Tokyo. MIKAGE: (Dry tones.) Tell me this, when exactly aren't mechas destroying downtown Tokyo? MAMIYA: (Still reading the newspaper.) When Godzilla is in town on vacation with Gamora and Mothra, of course. (For a response, Mikage can only blink dimly.) SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena has taken a break from slowly making her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Lying on the stairs and taking deep breaths as she complains.) My butt hurts and I'm starting to get really dizzy. (Mutters lowly.) Once I get to the top of these stairs I'm going to make Akio pay dearly for being so utterly evil with his design plans for this stupid dueling arena. I mean, honestly. It must get terribly boring for the readers to have to hear about me making my way up these stairs each and every episode. If I were them I'd switch over to another spamfic with more action in it. (There's a long pause of silence as Utena considers her words.) UTENA: (Snickers.) A spamfic with action. Right... like that's ever going to happen. SCENE: Takatsuki Shiori's evil apartment. It looks very, well, evil. Just as everything associated with Shiori should look. Anyway, Shiori is sitting in a jacuzzi along with an unconscious, naked, and drop dead gorgeous Arisugawa Juri. For those who are interested (who knows why) Shiori is missing her clothing as well. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. SHIORI: (Gives an evil chuckle as she eyes Juri.) Everything is finally in place. All I need to make Juri-sama mine is to use my family's long hidden secret seduction technique! (Dramatic music plays as out of nowhere Shiori produces a tray that's full of oysters and green M&Ms.) SHIORI: (Smirks.) What? Don't tell me you were expecting something that actually made sense? (Juri lets loose a low and sexy moan and Shiori diverts her attention to the other girl in a quick movement.) SHIORI: (Leans forward holding an oyster and several green M&Ms in her hand. Cajoling tones.) Open wide, Juri-sama... (Just as Juri's green eyes flicker open Shiori shoves the oyster and the green M&Ms into her mouth. Juri sputters but cannot help but swallow them in a reflex action. She spends several long moments hacking before she clears her throat and looks at Shiori with eyes that are blazing with ferocious anger.) JURI: (Growls.) Shio--- (Juri suddenly pauses in her speech as her eyes go wide and glaze over. Says in wondrous tones as she looks at Shiori.) Why... why didn't I ever notice it before? SHIORI: (Smirks.) What? Notice my natural charms and alluring personality and how you can never be free of me for the rest of your natural born existence? I'm really not sure, Juri-sama. Why don't you tell me why you've never noticed that? JURI: (Suddenly rises to her feet.) No, you fool! Why haven't I noticed my own superiority to everyone else who lives! I've known for a long time that Anime lesbians are superior to all other Anime characters but before now I never recognized that I am the most superior Anime lesbian of them all! I am their destined leader! The one who will bring them into the new millennium and lead our awesome takeover! And I shall start my brilliant takeover by seizing power of the mighty Ohtori Student Council which controls everything in this French mockery of a school! (Juri pauses to give a mad sort of laugh then snaps her fingers.) Girl groupies, appear before me! I have work to do and a strange desire for back rubs! (Instantly all of Juri's girl groupies appear before her oohing and ahhing as they help her out of the jacuzzi, flanking her so Juri is completely hidden from Shiori's view.) SHIORI: (Grumbles.) This isn't turning out at all the way that I wanted it to. (Ponders.) Maybe I shouldn't have added more aphrodisiacs to those already natural ones that I gave her. JURI: (Now wearing a scanty silk robe and being hung on by several hundred girl groupies. Drawls sensuously.) Don't you worry, Shiori. I'll always have a place for you in my life. SHIORI: (Hopeful tones.) Really, Juri-sama? JURI: (Smirks.) Of course. You can be my secretary. SHIORI: (Watching Juri exit.) Secretary. (Scowls deeply. Mutters to herself.) What did I do to deserve this? (She stops to think about this.) Never mind. Everyone knows what I did to deserve this. SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. B-KO: (Reading a letter.) I curse you and your children and your children's children's children. A-KO: (Blinks.) Children's children's children? B-KO: (Hands A-ko the letter.) That's what it says. C-KO: (Peers over A-ko's shoulder.) So I guess this means you better not have children's children's children, huh? B-KO: (Scowls.) I don't think I can stop that. A-KO: (Suggests helpfully.) Well, you could just not have any children and then they can't have your children's children's children. How about that? B-KO: (Frowns.) Sounds too complicated. C-KO: (Sighs.) She means just don't get knocked up. B-KO: (Eyes widen.) Oooh. (Irately.) And when exactly would I get knocked up anyway?! I never leave this wall! C-KO: (Reminds.) Except to go to the Utena movie. B-KO: (Waves it off.) Yeah, yeah. That didn't really count. What I mean is that I'm almost always working here. And besides that, I'm a faceless Shadow Play Girl. Who wants to get busy with someone who has no face? C'mon! The chances that I'll get knocked up are worse than the chances of any of us ever getting a date with one of the main characters in this series! It's just not going to happen! (As A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko all consider this they slowly form sad faces before they start sniffling and then eventually start crying while the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?! How long will Utena rest before continuing to walk up those never ending stairs?! And will Shiori accept the illustrious position of being Juri's secretary?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "Pu!" -Mokona; Magic Knight Rayearth- CHU CHU: (Smirks.) Chu, chu chu chu! UMI: (Presses Chu Chu into her bosom.) Oh, you were wonderful, darling! You destroyed that evil bunny thing of Satan in one foul swoop! It was so impressive! CHU CHU: (Extemely muffled due to Umi's bosom but he sounds very happy none-the-less.) Chuuuuuu... KOZUE: (Warily eyes Umi.) Ehm... aren't you from another Anime series altogether? Should you really be here? UMI: (Keeps pressing Chu Chu to her bosom.) So what if I'm from another series? It's not like you people are getting a lot done in this fic anyway. Consider me an amusing distraction. CHU CHU: (Still extremely muffled due to Umi's bosom but he sounds blissfully happy and near passing out.) Chuuuuuu... UMI: (Triumphantly smiles.) See? My darling Chu Chu agrees with me! As the Blue Bride it's my duty to remain here in the analyzing quotes credits and keep him company. KOZUE: (Rolls her eyes.) Whatever you say lady. Juri Rules All. Spatulas kick ass. Nahga goes boing. -Quotes from me- -- .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'