Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE TWENTY FOUR: The Stairmaster.

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where 
the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting 
inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the 
background.

MIKAGE: (Looking through a pair of binoculars.) Utena certainly is 
the persistent sort, isn't she?

MAMIYA: (Gives a dreamy sigh.) That she is.

MIKAGE: (Looks at Mamiya suspiciously.) I didn't know that you 
swung that way, Mamiya-chan.

MAMIYA: (Eyes widen.) Of course I don't! Just the thought of girls 
in that manner makes me... (Mamiya turns green and shudders.) 
Ugh, the horror of it all. I could never...

MIKAGE: (Still eyes Mamiya suspiciously.) If you say so. (He turns 
back to watching Utena climb up the never-ending flight of stairs with 
his binoculars.) But that's what Saionji said at first too. Now look at 
his obsession with Anthy.

MAMIYA: (Heaves a sigh.) That's true. He was a great loss to the 
community because of how fun he was at a parties.

MIKAGE: (Looks through his binoculars.) And he had stamina.

MAMIYA: (Nods.) That too.

SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making 
her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei 
Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the 
background. The Sunlit Garden (yes, I'm going to keep mentioning 
this) no longer plays faintly in the background

UTENA: (Grumbles.) How many of these stairs are there?! Why the 
heck couldn't they have made this place with an elevator or at least 
an escalator?! At this rate, by the time I reach the top I'll be too 
exhausted to duel Akio. (As she continues to walk up the stairs she 
ponders.) Whenever I reach the top of the stairs Anthy is already 
there. I wonder how the heck she gets there so quickly?

SCENE: The Dueling Arena. Himemiya Anthy is wearing her 
standard red dueling dress. She wears an impatient look on her 
features. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.

ANTHY: (Folds her arms across her chest.) Honestly, Utena-sama. 
You're taking longer than usual. One might think you're getting out of 
shape in your old age. (Murmurs thoughtfully.) Maybe I should put 
her on a diet...

SCENE: Some random place in Ohtori. Kaoru Miki is wandering 
around wearing a scowl on his features. The Sunlit Garden no longer 
plays faintly in the background.

MIKI: (Scowls.) God dammit! You just had to remind me of that 
didn't ya, you stupid author?! But don't you worry! I'm gonna get my 
stereo fixed and spread my wickedly insane tunes across the whole 
campus until they drive people mad!

AUTHOR: (Sweatdrops.) Er... Miki. Everyone is pretty much mad 
here already. 

MIKI: (Scowls deeper.) Not mad, angry, you dimp! I mean mad 
like insane in the membrane sorta psycho mad!

AUTHOR: (Coughs.) So did I.

MIKI: (Stops scowling. Blinks.) You did?

AUTHOR: (Nods.) Yep. I mean, consider the fic and how everyone 
acts in it, Miki. Aren't we all mad here?

MIKI: (Frowns and mutters.) I guess so... dammit. You just ruined 
my brilliant plan, you know that?

AUTHOR: (Sounds sheepish.) Sorry, Miki. But I'm sure you can 
come up with another. You are a college level genius.

MIKI: (Face brightens. He smirks.) You're right! I am! (He gives an 
arrogant laugh.) I'm smarter than all of y'all! You're all a bunch of 
ignoramuses next to me! You suck! SUCK! I'm smart and I'm sexy 
and I'm rich and I'm bishonen! I damn well got it all! I'm superior to 
everyone else in the world!!

AUTHOR: (Sweatdrops.) Ehmm... right.

(Just then, Takatsuki Shiori appears out of nowhere. She's running 
across the campus with a wet, naked, and drop dead gorgeous 
Arisugawa Juri slung over her shoulder.)

MIKI: (Dimly watches Shiori exit. Whistles.) Damn. That's  
something that you don't see everyday.

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely 
and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, 
B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly 
in the background.

C-KO: (Rants.) Why does Shiori always get to be around Juri-sama 
when she's naked?! (Wails.) It's not fair!

B-KO: (Dry tones.) And suddenly she turns into Jennifer Connelly 
from the Labyrinth.

A-KO: (Blinks.) Who?

B-KO: (Shakes her head.) Never mind. So what are we going to 
use for an eerie moral this time?

A-KO: (Slowly says.) I have no idea...

C-KO: (Interrupts and wails.) Juri-sama! Don't let Shiori molest you 
while you're naked! At least wear clothes!

(As C-ko continues to wail the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...


All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a 
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when 
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely 
bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words 
don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will 
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?! 
How long will Anthy wait for Utena to reach the top of those never 
ending stairs?! And will Juri get a cold from being wet, naked, and 
drop dead gorgeous as Shiori runs all over campus with her?! Stay 
tuned!

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780

Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/

A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:

"Pu!"
-Mokona; Magic Knight Rayearth-

NANAMI: (Looks up. Kawaii tones.) Oh no! That's the same quote 
as last time! What are we going to do? We can't analyze the same 
thing twice in a row. 

KOZUE: (Shrugs.) Doesn't matter to me. I'd rather watch the duel 
anyway.

NANAMI: (Blinks.) Duel?

KOZUE: (Turns to point at the scene before them.) Yeah, the duel 
between Chu Chu and Mokona over Umi the Blue Bride.

NANAMI: (Skeptically.) The Blue Bride?

KOZUE: (Shrugs again.) Hey, you do the best with what you have. 
And you have to admit, other than Ami from Sailor Moon, Umi is the 
bluest looking girl in all of Anime.

NANAMI: (Slowly pronounces.) I suppose...



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
My friend John had these
two parakeets. One day one
of them got out and they 
ended up finding him in a
bag of cheetos in their
cupboard. After much biting,
they let the parakeet keep
the cheeto he had in his
mouth. That day, he spent
all of his time guarding
said cheeto from the other
parakeet. The next morning,
they found the him dead and
the other parakeet busily
devouring the cheeto. The
point of this story? That to 
us it's just a cheeto but to 
that parakeet it was something 
worth killing over. Oh, and
btw, Juri Rules All.
-Quotes from me-