Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE TWENTY THREE: Shower Violence. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. MAMIYA: (Sighs.) You know, it really is boring just sitting around in this stupid elevator. MIKAGE: (Nods his head.) Tell me about it. MAMIYA: (Stares at him.) But I just did. MIKAGE: (Sighs.) It was a figure of speech. MAMIYA: (Puzzles.) Speeches have figures? MIKAGE: (Groans in frustration.) Why me? JURI: (Distantly shouts.) That's my line, dammit! MIKAGE: (Eyes go wide.) Juri-sama? Is that you? MAMIYA: (Sniffs.) Who is she to claim a line anyway? Her only true line in this series is that whole schtick about there not being any miracles in the world. (Grumbles.) I knew hiring snotty French people to work on this story would just end up causing trouble. JURI: (Distantly shouts.) I'm Japanese, not French! MIKAGE: (Looks around in wonderment.) How can she keep doing that? Is she related to Superman and has some type of enhanced hearing or something? MAMIYA: (Dryly.) Hardly. The author has a crush on her so Juri gets to hear everything that goes on here. MIKAGE: (Thinks on this.) Lucky Juri... JURI: (Distantly shouts in sarcastic tones.) Lucky?! You meet the author of this thing then say that I'm lucky! SCENE: The wonderful and oh so elegant apartment of Arisugawa Juri. I'd go on in greater description of it but it would just annoy her. Anyway, the sound of running water can be heard. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. JURI: (In the shower looking elegant. Mumbles.) Why did this have to happen to me? Why must I always have the most obsessed fangirls in all of Otaku-dom liking me? (As Juri continues to complain in her uniquely charming and absolutely perfect way, a figure can be seen hovering outside of her shower. Unfortunately, Juri doesn't notice the figure until the shower door flies open to reveal them.) JURI: (Shocked tones.) What are you doing here?! (The sound of a slight scuffle is heard then a thump sounds to signal Juri's defeat with the mysterious figure. When the figure comes out of the shower, they hold an unconscious, and drop dead gorgeous, Juri in their arms.) SHIORI: (Gives an evil smile.) What? Don't tell me that you were expecting someone else. SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the background. The Sunlit Garden (of course) no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Huffs.) Why are these stairs so long anyway? Who the hell designed this place? An imbecile? SCENE: The Upside Down Castle. Ohtori Akio is sitting in a lazyboy recliner next to Dios who sits on his own. They're staring at the big screen television in front of them. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. (Out of nowhere Akio sneezes loudly.) DIOS: (Looks at Akio.) ... AKIO: (Smiles.) Thanks, that was very polite of you. SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the background. The Sunlit Garden (duh) no longer plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Grimaces as she continues to walk up the never-ending and twisting flight of stairs.) It doesn't matter how long it takes me to reach the top of these stairs because when I finally do, I'm going to challenge Akio to a duel. Once I beat him then Anthy and I will be free to live happily ever after. (Pauses to huff.) That or we can go to another fairy tale like situation that would be appropriate for two lesbians used to a Disney based fantasy world environment complete with mind altering drugs. SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. B-KO: (Laughs madly.) Now we're at full strength! With three Shadow Play Girls giving eerie moral synopsis of each episode we'll be able to take over the world! C-KO: (Sweatdrops. Says quietly to A-ko.) Is she always like this? A-KO: (Nods her head.) I'm afraid so. C-KO: (Warily.) Great. B-KO: (Whirls around to face them.) Are you two talking about me?! Because I really hate that! C-KO: (Nervously.) I didn't say anything, I swear! B-KO: (Narrows her eyes.) So you say... but I bet as soon as I turn my back again you'll start talking about me. A-KO: (Heaves a sigh.) Quit it, B-ko. You're starting to sound just like Touga when this series began. B-KO: (Mulls over this. Sounds disturbed.) Hey... you're right. Is that freaky or what? A-KO: (Shakes her head. Looks to C-ko.) Have any ideas about what the moral of this episode should be? C-KO: (Ponders.) Watch out for Shiori in showers? A-KO: (Snickers.) That works for me. B-ko? B-KO: (Mutters to herself.) I can't believe that I'm acting like Touga... maybe I should seek counseling. I must be sick. (As B-ko continues to mutter to herself the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?! Can Utena make it to the top of those never-ending stairs?! And is B-ko really going to seek counseling?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "Pu!" -Mokona; Magic Knight Rayearth- ANTHY: (Stares at the quote.) Frankly, I find this more than a bit insulting to my intelligence. CHU CHU: (Nods his head.) Chu, chu, chu chu! ANTHY: (Looks at Chu Chu.) He really said that to you? CHU CHU: (Scowls fiercely.) Chu chu! Chu! ANTHY: (Shakes her head a bit.) Well, of course. If Mokona said something like that to me I'd be forced to challenge him to a duel as well. But who won? CHU CHU: (Smirks.) Chu chu chu! Chu! ANTHY: (Eyes widen.) So now you're the one engaged to Umi and you've set the wedding for July of next year? CHU CHU: (Shrugs.) Chu, chu chu. ANTHY: (Smiles.) Yes, I can see your point in allowing her to plan the wedding. It makes more sense. Juri Rules All. Mokona is Satan. Yes, I'm a girl. -Quotes from my dinky self-