Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE TWENTY TWO: Drugged Author Ramblings

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where 
the shadow of no one is seen inside. Some birds are still inside of it 
busy making a nest. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the 
background.

BIRDS: Tweety, tweet--

(The birds are abruptly cut off from their tweeting as the figures of 
Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya show up out of nowhere to stand 
inside of the elevator. The birds tweet loudly at the invaders before 
they huffily fly away, thereby abandoning the nests they worked so 
hard to build.)

MAMIYA: (Blinks.) Mikage-kun? Where are we?

MIKAGE: (Looks around.) I think we're inside of that stupid 
broken elevator that this fic is based around.

MAMIYA: (Puzzles.) Why are we in the elevator?

MIKAGE: (Shrugs and sits down.) Beats me.

(Mamiya sits next to Mikage and there a long pause of silence as 
the two contemplate their current situation.)

MAMIYA: (Looks at Mikage. Serious.) What sort of noise do 
penguins make when they talk? They don't quack do they?

MIKAGE: (Baffled.) What sort of question is that?

MAMIYA: (Defensive.) A perfectly good one!

MIKAGE: (Shakes his head.) A perfectly odd one, you mean. 
What in the world made you think of that, Mamiya-chan?

MAMIYA: (Blinks.) I don't know...

MIKAGE: (Sighs.) The author must have made you do it. Hold on 
a second and I'll find out why.

MAMIYA: (Puzzled tones.) But how can you find out what the 
dinky author is up to, Mikage-kun? We're just characters.

MIKAGE: (Sounds sly.) True, but we're also phantasm figments of 
the psyche. That means we can go wherever we want and do 
whatever we want to. Now be quiet for just a second so I can try 
and figure out what's going on.

(There's another slight pause as Mikage forms a face of extreme 
concentration while Mamiya watches on.)

MIKAGE: (Eyes widen.) Ah ha! I have it!

MAMIYA: (Hangs onto Mikage.) What is it? What did you find 
out, Mikage-kun? What's the author up to?

MIKAGE: (Wears a superior grin.) She's doped up on flu 
medicine and when she went to take more of her pills she noticed 
her penguin shower curtain and suddenly wondered just what noise 
penguins make when they talk. For some reason she decided this 
would make a funny line in the fic.

MAMIYA: (Ponders this.) I suppose that makes sense.

MIKAGE: (Shrugs.) Truth is odder than fiction.

MAMIYA: (Droll tones.) Not if you count this as fiction.

MIKAGE: (Sounds sheepish.) Good point.

SCENE: The ground by Ohtori Academy's main building. 
A small group of people observe as Shadow Play Girl B-ko holds 
Shadow Play Girl C-ko by the back of her shirt. To say that B-ko 
looks threatening would be a good description but since she is a 
shadow it's hard to tell. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in 
the background.

B-KO: (Low tones.) We're finally gonna settle this, scab.

(There's a long pause as everyone watching becomes tense as they 
wait for B-ko's horrible, horrible, wrath to arrive.)

B-KO: (Pulls out a pen and paper.) I want you to join the official 
Shadow Play Girls Union and join it now! (She pauses to smile 
prettily.) We give tons of perks to members.

C-KO: (Stares at B-ko. Shrugs.) Sure. Why not?

SAIONJI: (Watching C-ko sign her union membership papers.) 
Well, that was a terribly uneventful confrontation. I could have seen 
more action if we pitted Chu Chu against a rabid Jigglypuff with 
attitude.

A-KO: (Looks at Saionji.) Don't all Jigglypuff have attitude?

SAIONJI: (Sniffs.) Only the lower class ones.

ANTHY: (Stares at Saionji and A-ko. Looks like she's going to 
comment then just sighs.) Come on, Utena-sama. Lets get out of 
here. It's getting ever so boring. We should go and pay a visit to 
my dear brother so we can show him just how much you don't like 
him anymore. Would you enjoy that?

UTENA: (Snaps out of her daze.) Brother...? Akio? (She forms a 
grimace.) Yes, I want to visit him. In fact, I want to duel him! He's 
all that stands between us and our future happiness!

ANTHY: (Blinks. Stunned tones.) Utena-sama?

UTENA: (Clenches her hand into a fist.) I'll defeat Akio and 
eradicate all that is evil from Ohtori! It'll be easy since Shiori's 
finally dead! (Looks to Anthy. Clasps her hands.) Don't worry my 
love. Once I crush Akio into nothingness I'll return to you and we 
can live our lives like the fairy tale it was meant to be.

(Utena releases Anthy's hand then runs off into the distance as she 
heads towards the dueling arena.)

ANTHY: (Bewildered.) Utena-sama? (Comes to her senses and 
starts after Utena.) Come back here, Utena-sama! You can't 
possibly fight Akio and win! He's the ultimate evil!

SCENE: The Upside Down Castle. Ohtori Akio is sitting in a 
lazyboy recliner next to Dios who sits on his own. They're staring at 
the big screen television in front of them. The Sunlit Garden no 
longer plays faintly in the background.

AKIO: (Crying a bit.) I love the Facts of Life...

DIOS: (Nods solemnly.) ...

AKIO: (Sings in wavering tones.) You take the good, you take the 
bad, and there you have... the facts of life...

(As Akio bursts into full on tears and Dios pats him consolingly on 
the back the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...


All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a 
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when 
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm 
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In 
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Author's note: Yes, I'm tripe inspired! No, what I am is on weird 
medicine which makes me stranger than usual as you all might be 
able to tell. If you think this is bad wait until you read the new 
chapter for Black Rose, Blue Thunder. (Whenever I finish it.)

The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will 
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?! 
Are those birds going to try and reclaim their elevator home?! And 
if you take the good and you take the bad is that really the facts of 
life?! Stay tuned!

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780

Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/

A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:

"The nakeder, the better."
-Hibiki Ryoga; Ranma 1/2-

MIKI: (Smirks.) Aw yeah... that's what I'm saying.

SAIONJI: (Frowns.) That doesn't seem like something that Ryoga 
would say. I wonder where that quote is from?

MIKI: (Scowls.) Who cares, fool? It's damn cool and that's all you 
need to be knowin'. See what I mean?

SAIONJI: (Stares at Miki.) Actually, I don't. Why on Earth are 
you talking in slang anyway, Miki? You were raised in an affluent 
family and neighborhood. More so than mine.

MIKI: (Grabs Saionji by the collar.) You don't know nothin'! My 
family wasn't affluent! We didn't even have a cabin in the Swiss 
Alps and everyone else who lived by us did! Do y'know how that 
made me feel?! Do y'know how the other kids dissed me?! My 
folks were losers! LOSERS!

SAIONJI: (Sweatdrops. Says nervously.) Quite...


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
Juri Rules All.
Mokona is Satan.
Yes, I'm a girl.
-Quotes from my dinky self-