Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE TWENTY ONE: The Lack of Life Goes On SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadow of no one is seen inside. Some birds are still inside of it busy making a nest. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. BIRDS: Tweety, tweet, tweet. AUTHOR: (Grimaces.) What?! What do you want from me?! The friggin elevator is empty now and I've always started this dinky spamfic with a scene in the stupid elevator! My car is snowed in and they're predicting a blizzard tonight! SCENE: The bowels of hell. It's very dark, hot, and for some reason smells like the perfume, CK1. Takatsuki Shiori stands in front of Satan wearing an unusually humble face on her evil features. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. SHIORI: (Sadly.) I'm really, really, really, really, sorry that I didn't carry out my mission like I was supposed to, Lord. SATAN: (Frowns.) Normally I'd send you to the racks for some torture as punishment but I think you'd enjoy that. SHIORI: (Hopeful tones.) But you'll send me anyway? SATAN: (Scowls.) No! (He pauses to think.) Tell you what, I'll forgive this transgression if you do a favor for me. SHIORI: (Perks up.) Favor? What favor is that? SATAN: (Imperious.) You must serve as my official representative at Ohtori! You will act in my interest for everything that happens there and sit in on those boring shareholder meetings that I really hate going to. SHIORI: (Whines.) Do I have to? SATAN: (Booms.) YES!! SHIORI: (Pouts and mutters.) Fine, I'll do it. But I'll have you know I'm just agreeing so I can see Juri-sama again. SATAN: (Dismissive tones.) Whatever. (Pauses.) What about Mikage and Mamiya? I thought you wanted to get revenge on them for not being able to help you carry out my plan. SHIORI: (Blinks. Says dimly.) Who? SATAN: (Groans.) Never mind. SCENE: The ground by Ohtori Academy's main building. A crowd of people aren't staring at the anvil flattened remains of Akira the Janitor at all anymore. In fact, his squashed remains are oddly missing for some reason. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background. ANTHY: (Puzzles.) What happened to Akira the Janitor's body? Is it just me or did it suddenly disappear? TOUGA: (Shrugs. Careless tones.) Frankly, I couldn't care less what happened to his corpse. I'm going home so I can put good use to my time. Once I get my PC running again I'll get my online porn downloaded five times faster. (Touga then sprints off into the distance still talking to himself about online porn as the others watch him depart.) JURI: (Mutters lowly.) Freak. SAIONJI: (Nods wisely.) It's strange, isn't it? When this spamfic began I'm sure that I was the one considered most odd of us all but now it's Touga who has claimed that title. WAKABA: (Dryly.) Actually, I think Touga was always the strangest one in this fic. B-KO: (Pops up out of nowhere.) No way! Saionji is way more of a freak than Touga! Trust me on that. SAIONJI: (Affirms.) Yes, quite! I'm much more of a--- (He pauses to think on this. Glares at B-ko.) Hey! B-KO: (Snickers.) Baka. JURI: (Shakes her head and sighs.) That's it. I've had enough of this idiocy. I'm going home and taking a long shower like I always do when I'm depressed, upset, or just in the mood to look really cool in my online screenshots. (As Juri walks off, C-ko suddenly frees herself from the huge pile of girl groupies who are starting to wake up on hearing the news that Juri is leaving them.) C-KO: (Cries out.) Wait, Juri-sama! Take me with you! GIRL GROUPIES: (Wail.) Juri-sama! Don't leave us! JURI: (Eyes go wide. Gulps.) Oh no... not again. (Juri takes off like a shot before the girl groupies can free themselves of the massive pile they've made.) GIRL GROUPIES: (Running after Juri.) Please come back to us, Juri-sama! We can't live without you! C-KO: (Starts after them.) Juri-sama, don't let them assault you! (Notices that although she is running she's not going anywhere. Looks back to see B-ko holding the back of her shirt.) Hey! What are you doing?! You're keeping me from running after my beloved Juri-sama! B-KO: (Eyes narrow.) It's time that we settle this, scab. (As rather ominous music plays the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will Touga still not be trapped in the elevator?! Are those birds going to keep making their nests in the aforementioned elevator?! And can C-ko survive B-ko's horrible, horrible, wrath?! Stay tuned! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to: http://michiru.com/utena/ A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "If someone is kind to you it isn't always love." -Tiger; Saber Marionette J- WAKABA: (Groans.) Dammit. She's getting all heavy on us again. Why couldn't I have gotten the pika pi quote? DIOS: (Looks thoughtful.) ... WAKABA: (Glares at him.) And a fat lot of help you are too! All you can do is sit there and look bishonen with a blank look on your face! What sort of skill is that? DIOS: (Seems hurt.) ... WAKABA: (Walks off and mutters.) I can't even take this gig anymore. It's getting more stupid each time. And how am I supposed to know what love is? They got me lusting after an idiot Kendoist and a crossdressing chick in canon. Neither of which give me the time of day romantically. I'm just an abused character, I tell you. Abused! DIOS: (Gives a hapless shrug.) ... Juri Rules All. Mokona is Satan. Yes, I'm a girl. -Quotes from my dinky self-