Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE SIXTEEN: Flying Wigs. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadow of Kiryuu Touga is seen inside. Touga is reading a newspaper. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. TOUGA: (Looks up.) Ah, yes. It's about time that you returned to me. How I've missed your charming adoration of my presence. (Blinks.) What? Where are my legions of girl groupie admirers? They're waiting in line to receive their breast enlargements of course. (Pauses and blinks again.) How are they being paid for? (Touga ponders this for a long moment.) TOUGA: (Sheepishly.) To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure how they're being paid for. I'm sure that my girls will find a way though. They haven't failed me yet. SCENE: A long line outside of some Fre... err... Japanese hospital. Several thousand of Kiryuu Touga's girl groupies stand in line talking amongst themselves as they wait to get their breast enlargements. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. GIRL GROUPIE #9,001: How are we paying for this again? GIRL GROUPIE #43: I heard that number two has Touga-sempai's platinum plus credit card. GIRL GROUPIE #100,003: (Bounces up and down.) You mean that Touga-sempai is paying for this? He's so generous! (All the girl groupies nod vigorously and begin praising the various Kami-like qualities of Touga.) SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Tenjou Utena is huddled in a ball in the corner of the room. Himemiya Anthy looks at her with skeptical green eyes. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. ANTHY: (Slowly.) So you're saying that Nanami is trying to steal my brother away from you by being more kawaii? UTENA: (Nods rapidly and hugs her knees to her chest.) It's her secret plan! But now I know the truth! Now I'll double my efforts to be kawaii and girly for my prince! ANTHY: (Groans.) Utena-sama, I really don't think-- UTENA: (Jumps to her feet.) I'll succeed in winning his heart if it's the last thing I do! (Utena dashes out of the room and Anthy warily observes.) ANTHY: (Shakes her head.) This is getting ridiculous. (Her eyes darken and she grumbles.) Akio... this is all your fault. I know that you're trying to steal Utena away from me by changing her tomboyish ways. I wonder what fiendish plot you've come up with now? SCENE: A deserted and winding road that's conveniently placed by a high cliff. Ohtori Akio is driving along it at a speedy pace in the dubiously named Akio car. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. AKIO: (Sings to himself as he bobs his head.) Oh, oh, oh... staying alive... staying alive... (Suddenly Chida Mamiya's purple wig from last episode flies out of nowhere to land on Akio's face. This blocks his vision causing the dubiously named Akio car to crash through the metal fence on the side of the road and fly off the cliff. There is a moment of silence before a large explosion erupts.) SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Himemiya Anthy stands on the balcony with a solemn expression on her features. A large explosion erupts in the distance but Anthy doesn't seem to notice. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. ANTHY: (Folds her arms over her chest.) Yes, he's up to something sinister no doubt. SCENE: A random field of flowers at Ohtori Academy. Kiryuu Nanami sits in the field of flowers surrounded by a large group of animals. A large explosion erupts in the distance and her eyes widen at it. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. NANAMI: (Extremely kawaii.) Well, someone certainly is going have a big boo boo after that! (At this assessment the various animals that surround Nanami nod their agreement.) SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girl C-ko and Shinohara Wakaba are seen. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. C-KO: (Happily.) We're back! WAKABA: (Droll tones.) Yay. C-KO: (Wears a smug smile.) And we're getting more time than A-ko and B-ko because episode fifteen never happened! Ha! Take that you union slave workers! WAKABA: (Looks at C-ko.) Wasn't episode fourteen nonexistent too? Mamiya showed up in that one too. C-KO: (Thoughtfully.) Oh yeah... damn. I didn't consider that. Well, at least we're on equal screen time now. WAKABA: (Shrugs.) Whatever. You going to give the eerie moral of this week's episode or what? C-KO: (Sighs.) I guess I should. (Pauses to think. Suddenly exclaims.) I have one! (Looks serious.) When driving always be on the look out for flying wigs. WAKABA: (Sarcastically.) Good one. C-KO: (Beams widely.) Thanks! (As Wakaba rolls her eyes at C-ko the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Can all of Touga's girl groupies really get breast enlargements?! Is their surgeon going to accept Touga's stolen credit card?! And did Akio survive his crash?! Ew... I hope not. Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION: "The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun." -Shania Twain- MIKI: (Looks up.) Is that supposed to be a feminist statement? RUKA: (Shrugs.) Don't look at me. I'm not a feminist. MIKI: (Looks at Ruka and blinks.) What are you doing here? RUKA: (Dryly.) I'm analyzing this quote. What does it look like I'm doing here? MIKI: (Shakes his head.) You haven't even shown up in any episodes yet. How can you be analyzing this quote with me? RUKA: (Shrugs again.) Beats me. I just analyze here. MIKI: (Grumbles.) Stupid author...