Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE FOURTEEN: Bishonen Imitations. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Kiryuu Touga and his girl groupies are seen inside. Touga is talking on his cell phone. He wears a face of annoyance and frustration. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. TOUGA: (On the phone.) What do you mean you can't give breast enlargements to an entire school?! I'm telling you that we're in need here! Deep need! None of the girls have large breasts! (He pauses to listen.) That's what I thought... when can you fit them in? July?! NO! That's far too late! (As Touga continues to rant on his cell phone his girl groupies quietly confer.) GIRL GROUPIE #1,951: (Whispers.) If he had a cell phone all along why hasn't he called for help? GIRL GROUPIE #45,622: (Whispers.) Maybe he hasn't thought of it. GIRL GROUPIE: #2: (Whispers imperiously.) That's not it! Our Touga-sempai is perfect! Of course he thought of it! I bet that he wants to stay here with us and that's why he hasn't used it. He needs a vacation. (She lowers her voice even more and leans forward.) That's why we should make sure not to tell Touga-sempai about using his cell phone to call for help. Because if he did his vacation would be over and we wouldn't have him... (She smiles sneakily as she emphasizes the next words.) Trapped and alone. (The girl groupies exchange the same sneaky smile as Touga keeps ranting on his cell phone.) SCENE: An isolated and spooky looking building in Ohtori Academy. Mikage Souji stands behind Chida Mamiya as they look into a full length mirror. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. MIKAGE: (Gently.) Are you sure about this? MAMIYA: (Nods his head fiercely.) Yes! It's the only way that I'll truly be superior to her! MIKAGE: (Sighs.) If you say so. (Mikage turns away and when he turns back he holds an elaborate purple wig in his hands. He wears a strange face as he looks at it.) MIKAGE: (Hesitantly.) Are you sure that you want to wear this thing, Mamiya-chan? MAMIYA: (Declares hotly.) I must wear it if I'm ever going to be prettier than that witch, Anthy! I must surpass her with my bishonen beauty! It is my destiny! MIKAGE: (Slowly.) Right... (He stares at the wig as if it's a dead animal. When he looks up again he's wearing a pathetic looking expression.) Are you sure that you want to wear this? MAMIYA: (Exasperated. He looks at Mikage.) Mikage-kun! MIKAGE: (Sighs deeply.) All right, all right. (Mikage slowly steps forward and to delicately arrange the purple wig on Mamiya's head. A moment passes as Mamiya models the wig then breaks out into a wide smile.) MAMIYA: (Giddy.) It's fabulous! I look absolutely ravishing! I could easily replace that witch Anthy as the Rose Bride just by looking like this! (He gives Mikage a coy look.) Don't you agree, sweetie pie? MIKAGE: (Wearily.) Yes, honey buns. MAMIYA: (Gleefully claps his hands.) Now all I need is to find the perfect cocktail dress and we'll be ready! MIKAGE: (Sighs heavily and says haplessly.) Why me? SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girl C-ko and Shinohara Wakaba are seen. C-ko holds a piece of paper while Wakaba is busy eating skittles. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. C-KO: (Nervously reads.) Uhm... this is a statement from the dinky author of this parody. At least, I think it is, because it could just be a trick. I mean, I don't know who would pull this sort of trick. Maybe A-ko and B-ko, but-- WAKABA: (Eating skittles.) Stop babbling and just read the statement already. C-KO: (Nods her head.) Right. I should definitely read this. It's just that this is my first time reading a statement and I'm kind of nervous. This is a big responsibility you know-- (Wakaba irately shoves her bag of skittles in her pocket and grabs the paper from a wide eyed C-ko.) WAKABA: (Efficiently reads.) This is a statement from the dinky author of this parody. Due to hostile threats from the Shadow Play Girls Union there will now be eerie synopsis's given from the Shadow Play Girls every episode. The even episodes belong to the C-ko, with the odd episodes going to the Union bound A-ko and B-ko. The latter getting the odd ones because those episodes are naturally the unluckiest. (A distant shout of rage can be heard and Wakaba lifts her head to look in its direction.) WAKABA: (Shrugs.) Whatever. (Efficiently reads.) Lastly, I'd like to ask the readers to forgive me for having to put the Shadow Play Girls in every episode. I know that this must be torture for you. Send all complaints to Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko or the Shadow Play Girls Union. (Wakaba crumples up the piece of paper while C-ko looks thoughtful. Finally she breaks out into a wide smile.) C-KO: (Jumps up and down. Happily.) Now I get twice the usual screen time! WAKABA: (Rolls her eyes.) For joy... (As C-ko continues to jump up and down the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Will Mamiya be able to find the perfect cocktail dress?! And will the Shadow Play Girls Union ever back off the dinky author's back?! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html