Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE THREE: The Sound Of Music. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen inside of it. Juri and Miki sit on the floor watching Touga pace to the sound of eerie jazz music that seemingly comes from nowhere. TOUGA: (Pacing.) And so, Saionji masterminded this scenario to wrench the limitless powers of the mighty Student Council from me!! (Stops pacing and grabs the wire frame to the elevator then shakes it wildly.) Curse you Saionji! Who know you were so clever to come up with such trickery?! MIKI: (Whispers.) He's definitely lost it if he thinks Saionji has enough intelligence to mastermind anything. JURI: (Rolls her eyes.) I stopped listening as soon as he got to his theory about how this elevator getting stuck is really a part of some strange coup d'etat. MIKI: Mmm. Quite right. (He blinks then looks to Juri again.) Did you just say coup d'etat? JURI: Yes, what of it? MIKI: That's French. JURI: So? MIKI: We're Japanese... aren't we? JURI: Of course we're Japanese. Arisugawa is most definitely a Japanese name and so it Kaoru. MIKI: (Studies his uniform.) But we wear these weird uniforms that are reminiscent of French history. And Ohtori hardly looks like any Japanese school I've seen. It looks like we live by the French Rivera not by the Pacific ocean. JURI: (Erupts.) We're Japanese I tell you! MIKI: Fine. No reason to get hostile. I was just wondering. JURI: Well stop it. We're Japanese and that's that. (Suddenly the eerie jazz music triples in volume causing Juri and Miki to look at Touga who is still ranting.) JURI: (Covers her ears.) Why did the music get louder? MIKI: The author must want us to pay attention to him. TOUGA: (Whirls around to face them.) Fools! Don't you recognize your own theme music?! This is the Kettousha! This song plays whenever any Student Council member does something evil! (He breaks out into manic laughter.) MIKI: (Sighs.) I must say that out of all of us Touga is the most out of character here. JURI: The author must either like him or hate him a lot. MIKI: Either works. (Suddenly his eyes go wide.) Wait a minute... (Miki stands up to face Touga.) Did you just say that whenever someone on the Student Council does something evil that music plays? TOUGA: (Stops laughing and blinks.) Of course! It's our theme song! It represents our masterful infamy! The music only plays when we do something evil or something evil is done to one who wears the rose seal! MIKI: (Begins.) And we're trapped in this elevator... JURI: (Continues.) So we can't do anything evil... TOUGA: (Finishes.) But Saionji can! (A long pause as Juri and Miki sweatdrop.) MIKI: He's definitely obsessing on Saionji. JURI: Yup. (Turns serious as she listens to the eerie jazz music play.) He does have a point though. Saionji is one of us and he isn't trapped in this elevator. MIKI: True. But he's hardly the only Council member. JURI: You don't mean... MIKI: (Nods solemnly.) I'm afraid I do. JURI: (Blanches.) You think SHE'S behind all this? MIKI: Anything's possible when it comes to her. JURI: I suppose you're right. (She stares out of the metal frame to the elevator then looks to Miki wearing a grave expression.) But why would Anthy do something like this? (A loud thump sounds as Miki collapses to the floor in a heap. Juri and Touga observe this then shrug.) SCENE: The Rose Garden. Himemiya Anthy is standing in front of the large mass of multicolored roses holding a bucket of paint and a brush when she suddenly sneezes. ANTHY: (Rubs her nose.) Damn roses. (Her voice becomes low and stuffy.) I'b ablergic to th' stoopid paint on 'em. Why do I gotta paint da roses green n orange n all th' other colors? Wut sorta colors r those? Ain't nabural lookin... an why doo I hafta kip werkin in here? Cause can't find anyone else t'do th' job. Lazy piple... I hate roses! I wanna git some daisies. (Anthy walks out of the Rose Garden while continuing to let loose a barrage of sneezes as she mutters to herself.) SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen inside of it. Miki is strangling Juri while Touga attempts to pull him off her. The eerie jazz music is still playing but now it sounds violent. MIKI: (Enraged.) My sweet and gentle Anthy would never do something as treacherous as this! I was talking about Nanami! JURI: (Gasps as she grabs at his hands.) Can't breathe... TOUGA: That's enough Miki! (He yanks Miki off Juri who immediately rises to her feet and looks like she's going to start her assault on Miki. Touga stands in front of her to block the way.) I'm afraid I can't let you pass Juri-san. JURI: (Icily.) Move. Now. TOUGA: I can't and you know why. JURI: (Grits her teeth.) And why's that? TOUGA: I'm chivalrous! JURI: (Erupts.) But he's a boy! He doesn't count! TOUGA: And you're a lesbian. What's the difference? I'm still chivalrous in my protections of those in need. JURI: (Eyes narrow. Finally she sniffs derisively and walks back to her corner of the elevator.) Fine. I'll leave wussy boy alone. He's all yours. TOUGA: (Smiles lasciviously.) Excellent. (Turns to Miki who's backed into the far wall.) Don't you agree Miki? MIKI: (Pales significantly.) Uh.... (Touga nears Miki as the eerie jazz music gets romantic and the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Juri, Miki, and Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! When will the eerie jazz music stop playing?! And how long has Anthy been painting the roses green and orange?! Stay tuned!