Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE TWO: Conspiracy Theories.

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen 
sitting inside of it.

TOUGA: I'm tell you that End of the World would have told me if they 
planned on trapping me in this elevator!
JURI: (Sighs.) So you keep saying.
MIKI: (Rubbing his forehead.) We understand your point of view 
quite well so there's no need to keep repeating it.
TOUGA: Fine. But I'll have you know that I'm right. (He looks out the 
wire frame of the elevator.) Odd how from this height the other 
students look as miniscule as they truly are in life.
JURI: (Dryly.) That was nice.
TOUGA: What? They are miniscule, aren't they? I don't see them 
participating in the duels or getting letters from End of the World.
JURI: (Erupts.) Enough about End of the World!
MIKI: What is End of the World anyway? It can't be a person with a 
name like that. After all, who would name their child End of the 
World? That's worse than Francis.
TOUGA: My middle name is Francis.
MIKI: (Looks intrigued.) Really?
TOUGA: (Chuckles.) No you silly fool. (He breaks out into full on 
laughter.) I tricked you! (Laughing maniacally.) I'm a brilliant when it 
comes to humor! Brilliant!
JURI: (Rolls her eyes.) Kami-sama complex.
TOUGA: (Abruptly stops laughing and looks at Juri.) Did you say 
Kami-sama complex? I'll tell you who has a real Kami-sama 
complex... Saionji! He thinks the world revolves around his bokken.
MIKI: (Mutters lowly.) Are you sure you're not getting confused with 
yourself?
TOUGA: (Sharply.) What was that Miki?
MIKI: (Looks innocent.) Nothing!
TOUGA: (Studies Miki suspiciously.) Well. It's true you know. Why I 
wager at this very moment Saionji is plotting the complete and utter 
takeover of Ohtori in my absence! (His eyes gleam strangely.) No! 
Why I'll go even further to suggest that Saionji was the mastermind 
behind our being trapped in this elevator! I never did find out his 
middle name! I bet it's Saionji "End of the World" Kyouichi! (Touga 
rises to his feet and clenches his hand into a fist.) Damn you Saionji! 
You'll pay for doing this!

SCENE: The Kendo Club dojo. Saionji Kyouichi sits in the middle of 
the floor writing in his exchange diary when he lets loose a sudden loud 
sneeze.

SAIONJI: (Writes furiously in his diary.) And so my dearest Anthy in 
time we two shall be one but in the meanwhile we must continue to 
practice our secret communication. One slap means I love you while a 
hard shake and a slap means meet me at my dorm tonight. How I wish 
I could share more of my inner self with you in person and not here in 
the written word. Things like how irritated I get by everyone calling me 
by my surname. This habit is annoying and denies my true honorable 
self called Kyouichi who is hardly ever seen. Plus it reminds me of 
Ranma 1/2 and that bastard Kuno whom insists to this day that he 
bested me in our match. But like me he is also only referred to only by 
his surname. Oh the humanity! Is it because we're Kendoists and wear 
"dresses"? There is nothing unmanly about our garb! We are warriors 
through and through. Why can't people see that?

(Saionji bursts into a fit of tears and presses his exchange diary against 
his chest as he moves into a fetal position. From the doorway several 
Kendo Club members observe this and shrug.)

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and 
frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko are 
seen. A-ko is leaning against the wall smoking while B-ko is drinking.

A-KO: (Exhales smoke rings.) We're on strike.
B-KO: (Takes a swig of her drink.) Yeah. No more kooky rhymes 
out of us boys and girls. Go get your mystery some place else. We've 
got lives y'know.
A-KO: How could they know? All they see of us is our freaking 
shadows!
B-KO: It's the producers of the show. They're always trying to keep 
us low!
A-KO: (Inhales.)Yes but they are a worthy foe.
B-KO: (Growls). Worthy but I'd like to put them on death row! (She 
pauses in her drinking.) Hey! Dammit! We were just rhyming again.
A-KO:  (Exhales smoke squares.) We were?
B-KO: Yeah. We were.
A-KO: It must be the author who's doing that to us then.
B-KO: (Waves her bottle around wildly.) I thought you were on our 
side! What's the deal?!
A-KO: (Inhales.) They must want us to do our usual eerie synopsis of 
the moral of this week's episode.
B-KO: Why? They forgot about us in episode one.
A-KO: (Exhales smoke triangles.) I think we only show up here on an 
occasional basis.
B-KO: Sweet... now I can take that trip to Disneyworld.
A-KO: (Puts out her cigarette.) Why would you want to go to 
Disneyworld? Disney is the scourge of anything Anime.
B-KO: (Smashes her bottle into the wall and waves the broken shard 
that remains around.) I plan to cause a revolution that will stop their 
fascist reign over mainstream animation and I also want to punish them 
for what they did to Sailor Moon!!
A-KO: Can I come?
B-KO: Certainly!

(While the Shadow Play Girls continue to elaborate on their plans the 
scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Author's Dinky Comments: Eh... so I didn't wait a week! Ah well.
Sometimes we need tripe more than once a week.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Juri, Miki, and 
Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Is Saionji's middle name really 
"End of the World"?! Are the on strike duo A-ko and B-ko really 
going to Disneyworld to cause a revolution?! And why the hell did the 
author name this series Scenes From An Elevator if all the scenes don't 
take place in the elevator?! Stay tuned!


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