Tetralogy I: Once Upon a Time, There was a Real World by E. Liddell Himemiya? Is that you? No! Don't come any closer! I can't let anyone see me like this. Not even you. Especially not you. In the end, you and your brother were right. I am not any kind of prince. I'm only a girl. *Aaaagh!* No, don't bother going for an ambulance. Even if you somehow manage to get one here before it's over, I won't go with them. I can't let anyone know about this. The doctors? I told them I was raped, and then swore them to secrecy. They offered to help me get rid of it, but I just couldn't. Some people may think otherwise, but to me it would be murder. So much for fairytales, eh? I don't think I've ever heard of one that ended, "And then Prince Charming knocked the princess up and abandoned her, so that he could go marry the richer and more powerful princess from the kingdom next door, while the girl he had rescued went home and tried to explain to her relatives why she was in the family way with no husband in sight . . ." Except that I didn't tell my family. My aunt, that is. I chickened out. If I did, she'd disown me, and I have no one else to turn to. Are you *kidding*?! Of course I didn't tell him. Not in a million years. I know what your brother's like with kids. Did you think I would ever even consider letting him near a baby? *My* baby? Do you know what scares me most? It's that I might not be able to love this child. It's that it might remind me too much of *him*. If that happens, I don't know what I'll do. It'll be as though everything I've gone through was for nothing. *Aaaagh!* They're coming pretty close together now. The contractions, I mean. I don't think it's going to be much longer. Touga? I thought about going to him. I really, seriously did. The problem is that I was never sure how he really felt about me. If it turned out that he didn't really love me, he'd have discarded me faster than someone else's used Kleenex, and I'd be right where I am now, except worse off, because he and all the others would know. That's why I never went back, you see. I wanted to be a prince. I *tried* to be a prince. Better that they remember me the way that I was. I can't . . . be an example to them . . . anymore. Not when I'm like this. Everyone will know eventually anyway, I suppose. When I came here, I had some stupid plan for hiding the baby for two or three years, until I wasn't quite so ridiculously young to have a child. But any idiot can see that that's not going to be possible. I'm not going to imprison my child for the first several years of his life just so that I can save my reputation. *Aaaagh!* Oh gods, oh gods . . . I've been frightened before, I've been hurt before, but never like this. *Never* like this. It's like something's trying to tear me apart from the inside. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Maybe there's something wrong . . . Thank you. I needed that. Reality never lets you go, does it? It's like a blind elephant. It comes gallumphing along, squishing everything in its path, even when those things are your hopes and your dreams. Sometimes it squishes your pains and your fears, too, but that's just incidental. And I haven't been having much luck lately when it comes to scrambling out from under those giant grey feet. Hold me, please, Himemiya. I've been so alone, ever since that moment in the hospital when my life came crashing down around my ears. You will stay with me, won't you? Yes, I know that a child really needs at least two parents. Thank you. Together, then? The End E. Liddell eliddell@puc.net http://ejlddll.virtualave.net -- My fan fiction http://lightning.prohosting.com/~eliddell/utena/ -- Utena graphics --------------------------------------------------------- "One tacky fairytale artefact per expedition is about my limit." --------------------------------------------------------- UtenaCode(1.0) U:6- F:To+++Mk+:pOA D:CC X:*:a39++ M:f"Internal Clock, Municipal Orrery"