Terms of Endearment by E. Liddell Author's Note: This takes place at some indeterminate point in time after episode 25. I do not own the characters of Shoujo Kakumei Utena. Oh, and Wakaba scares me. -_-;;;;;;; * * * There are special people in this world. I've known that since I was very small. They are the people who attract everyone else's eyes. They are the people who start and stop wars, who found religions, who rule nations. Who become school dance queens and valedictorians and student council presidents. Yes, there are special people in this world. I am not one of them. If I hadn't already known that, I would hate you for proving it to me, Saionji. I really would. For a little while, I did. But not anymore. I've always wanted to be special. Doesn't everyone? We all envy you, we little people, at least a bit. It would be so *nice* to shine that brightly. It *hurts* to be little and dingy and embarrassed about everything. That's why I've been trying so hard for so long to get a little of that . . . that *specialness* to rub off on me. Because there doesn't seem to be any way I can just create it for myself. I've tried, but where you and those like you radiate self-confidence, I just manage to end up acting air-headed and hyper. Utena is one of those special people. I don't think she even realizes it. She's so *kind*, not like most of the other special people that I've known. I got to know her first because of what she was, but I stayed friends with her because I like her, because she's just the sort of person that it's almost impossible *not* to like. Touga-sempai is one too, and even more--he's one of the rare people who can sometimes make other people glimmer a bit with reflected specialness, like his little sister Nanami. But she's a jerk, and so is he, because he tried to *suck away* Utena's specialness and turn her into just another one of those groupies of his. That was disgusting. No, more than that. It was *obscene*. It's like he's some kind of vampire, or something. I'm sorry. I know he's your best friend, although if you ask me, he really isn't *much* of a friend, given that he never did anything to reverse your expulsion, even though he's the President of the Student Council and all . . . You can think what you like about him, but I'm *always* going to believe that he's a lying, cheating jerk. And then there's Akio-san. I think sometimes that he may be the most special one of all. He's warm and gentle and charming and oh-so-*dreamy* . . . But as Utena keeps reminding me, he's already got a fiancee, and anyway, there's no way I could ever be important enough to him, because he's not only special, he's *grown up* . . . But it's nice to pretend, sometimes, that he could be mine. There are others, too. Miki, Juri-sempai, and . . . That's funny, I can't remember his name. Some guy with pink hair. Usually, I don't forget the names of special people. They seem to almost engrave themselves on your brain, if you know what I mean. But this one just didn't stick in my head, for some reason. Weird. But out of them all, I chose you. You might ask why I bothered, when I already had Utena for a friend. The thing is, Utena has so *many* friends that even as her *best* friend, there's no way I could capture enough of her specialness to make a difference. You, on the other hand . . . I thought I had a chance of making myself important to you. There aren't many people who are all that close to you--just Touga-sempai, and he doesn't seem to practice his vampire act on you too much . . . just enough to keep you from outshining him. But that wasn't the only reason that I chose you. I chose you because, since you were so close to Touga- sempai, I thought you might understand about me being close to Utena. That was before I figured out that Touga is a jerk, of course. And I did make myself important to you, just for a little while. At first, I didn't think it would ever be possible, especially after what you did with that timid little love letter of mine. But when you got expelled, and I put you up in my dorm room . . . For a couple of weeks, you were there for me. You cared for me. You were kind. You were even going to give me a gift, even if it was only a little one. Something that you had made with your own hands. For those few days, I basked in your specialness. I could feel the difference in myself. I wasn't following Utena around as much. I was *doing* and *being* on my own. I think that's when you first really became my Prince, my shining one and only. The person that I knew could save me from getting old and bitter while still staying mediocre. That was the one thing that Utena could never do for me, because she doesn't understand. Because she doesn't realize that she's special, she assumes that everyone else around her is just as special as she is, and that just isn't true. Yes, you made me shine. I should have known that it wouldn't last. I still don't really know what happened while I was out that day. I remember seeing the hairclip you were making for me on Anthy, and then . . . nothing. Blank. I think I went back to the dorm, and saw you packing up, and then there was something about swords . . . but the rest of it's all fuzzy, and mixed up with something about an upside-down floating castle, and that's got to have been a dream, because castles don't float, do they? Especially not upside-down. I guess I was sick, because I woke up in the infirmary, and they told me that I'd passed out. Heat stroke, maybe. I do know that I was wearing the *weirdest* clothes. Almost like Utena's uniform, or yours, with the fancy jacket. I kept those clothes, you know. It felt like they were . . . important, in some way that I couldn't quite remember. Maybe I'll put them on one day and crash a Student Council meeting. That would be a blast . . . and I'd get to see you again, maybe. I understand that you aren't often at meetings. Too bad. Everything's gone back to being so *normal* since you left, except that Utena's moved into the Chairman's Wing, and I've been going there to flirt with Akio-san. Not that that's going to come to anything. Akio's nice to me, but then he's *nice* to everyone. He can't make me any more special than I already am, because there's no way that I can make him love me--not even a little, or for a little while--and that's what it takes to make a special person out of a normal girl like me. But you could still do that, if you wanted to. Help me, my Prince. Save me. Please? The End E. Liddell eliddell@puc.net http://ejlddll.virtualave.net --------------------------------------------------------- "One tacky fairytale artefact per expedition is about my limit." --------------------------------------------------------- UtenaCode(1.0) U:6- F:To+++Mk+:pOA D:CC X:*:a39++ M:f"Internal Clock, Municipal Orrery"