This fic is rather self-explanatory, if a little on the bitter side.
Spoilers for the entire series, mostly for the last two arcs, so be
warned.

Standard disclaimers apply.  Shoujo Kakumei Utena is the property of
Chiho Saitou, BePaPas, and various others companies that know who they
are.  There's really nothing more that should be said.

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Oujisama ni Naritai
(I Want to Be a Prince)

By: Gramarye

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Hansel and Gretel are alive and well
And they're living in Berlin
She is a cocktail waitress
He had a part in a Fassbinder film
And they sit around at night now drinking schnapps and gin
And she says: Hansel you're really bringin' me down
And he says: Gretel, you can really be a bitch
He says: These years I've wasted my life on our stupid legend
When my one and only love was the wicked witch.

- Laurie Anderson, The Dream Before

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You want to be a prince.

I can't imagine why.

I've seen the things they do to Princes.

And if the only real Prince could not withstand them, how can a mere
girl who wants to be Prince possibly survive?

You were a Princess, with everything you could have wanted.  True, you
had lost your parents, but Princesses are born to rise above such
sorrow. What made you discard your safe, comfortable world for a path
that was foolhardy at best and potentially fatal at worst?

Oh, yes, that's right.  You saw eternity.  Eternity saved you from your
death wish, for you would have certainly never left the coffin if you
hadn't seen suffering greater than your own.  True grief is a pale
shadow of true agony.

Eternity wasn't what you thought it would be, am I right, Princess?

I nearly laughed when my brother told me of the eternal 'castles in the
air' that Saionji had created around that one childhood memory of his.
Imagine believing that Kiryuu Touga could be capable of showing ANYONE
eternity.  Then again, Saionji is a fool.  How fitting that he was
forced to fight in the shadow of his eternal castle, never knowing
what truly exists up there.

I would have laughed, if laughing didn't hurt so much.

I took the Sword of Dios away from you, did you know that?  I wanted
everything to be over and done, with the least amount of harm to you.
I could go back to being Saionji's bride.  I wouldn't have to think
ever again--just lift my cheek and wait for the ever-present blow.

But, damn it all, I couldn't stand idly by and watch you lose.  I
couldn't let it happen the way he desired.  So I helped you, just a
little bit...I took your noble heart, fashioned it into a weapon
that would allow you to defeat him easily.  You won, as I knew you
would.

That night, you waited for me to come to bed.  Wondering why I didn't
come.  Well, the Ends of the World were not pleased with me, my dear.
To be frank, they were absolutely irate.  I had thwarted their hopes of
ever defeating you in the duels, for without the power I carry within
me, the only power to revolutionize the world lies within you.

You slept eventually, peacefully drifting away into a rose-scented land
where the princes always come to rescue their princesses.  I was doing
things that no noble heart should ever have to know, all at the behest
of the one person who can rip through my Bara no Hanayome mask with an
unholy zeal.

The full attention of the Ends of the World is upon you now.  You will
resist, certainly, but I know that this is one course of seduction that
no living woman could possibly weather unscathed.  And I will be there
all of the time, watching you silently drown in wretched guilt,
watching you loathe yourself for being weak.  Your noble heart will
wither as all the others did.

He'll crush you to pieces, melt you down, and mold you into his perfect
Princess--then whisk you away to his castle and keep you there until
the stars die.  I can see you now, so beautiful and serene in that
loathsome dress, adoring eyes fixed only on him, the rest of the world
forgotten.  You wouldn't hear me if I screamed.

It is decided.

And again, a Prince on a shining white horse will sneer at the
failed champion.

And again, I will die my thousand deaths.

Perhaps I should have let you lose.

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Gramarye
http://gramarye.homepage.com/
gramarye@mailandnews.com
January 4, 2001