'Sono Kanojo no Kangeki' (That Girl's Inspiration) A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfic by Scott Johnson I love him. Is that so wrong? It's not exactly as if no one else does -- sometimes it seems like half the girls in school are falling at his feet. And yet just because I, Kiryuu Nanami, dare to fall for the most perfect man I've ever met, I'm the subject of scorn, pity, whispered rumors and outright hatred from almost all the girls I meet. Is that fair? I certainly don't think so. Oh, I know all the arguments against it. He's a playboy? Hardly, though I'm sure those witches throwing themselves at him would love it if he were. He strings girls along? Feh. Obviously a jealous rumor started by those he's tried to rebuff gently. He's older than me? True, but that doesn't dissuade any of his other admirers, and in any event it's only by a few years. Besides, boys my age are such pigs. He's my brother? So what? If anything, the fact that we are tied by blood is just another reason we're destined for each other. I've known him my whole life. I've seen him in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, in his most shining moments and his most shameful ones. I know him better than any girlfriend or wife-to-be could. And I've loved him through it all. Can any of his would-be paramours say that? Of course not. They've had dozens of other crushes before him, and will have dozens of more after. Soon enough each of them will grow tired of him and move on, focusing their attentions on someone else. It doesn't much matter who -- Kyoichi, Miki, the latest popular movie star, even that shameless hussy Utena, whoever -- it's juvenile infatuation whichever way you slice it. A lot of people say I act superior and arrogant. Can you blame me, given the sort of people I have to tolerate from day to day? Giggling girls, concentrating only on whichever boy has managed to lodge his name in their empty heads that day, and boys so utterly convinced of their own wondrous greatness, who couldn't hold a candle to a real man like my brother. Mindless sheep, all of them. Admittedly, there are a few people I'm fond of outside my immediate family. Kyoichi, for one -- sure, he's unjustifiedly full of himself (honestly, is there something inherent in kendou that just breeds arrogance?), but he's been my brother's best friend since childhood, and anyone with such good taste in friends can't be all bad. Ever since that whole mess with Utena and Anthy started, too, he's been able to empathize about having a true love who's just out of reach. Tsuwabuki is just a child, and he fawns over me so much it can be embarrassing, but he's got quite a good head on his shoulders, and he's useful in so many ways -- it's sort of like having a puppy. Mind you, I've never liked dogs much, but I'm told it's the same general idea. As for Keiko, Aiko, and Yuuko... I can't say I'm entirely fond of them, especially because I have doubts about the sincerity of their friendship, but they're mostly loyal followers. It's always gratifying to have a group of friends who'll do anything you like, from tormenting your enemies to flying with you to India on a moment's notice. But friends like that are a distinct minority in the world. More often you get people like the flocks of twittering schoolgirls clustering around my brother, or worse yet those hypocrites Utena and Anthy. Utena is the worst sort of flirt -- the one that almost succeeds. More than once she's managed to get my dear brother to pay attention to her, usually by her pathetically affected shows of 'disinterest,' or her half-hearted attempts to push him away. It's so pathetically obvious what she's doing that it would almost be funny if it weren't so effective. Of course, Anthy's even more maddening -- the spineless mouse doesn't really do *anything*, and yet everyone from Utena to Miki to my brother fall all over themselves to please her. I can't understand it. Keiko, Aiko, and Yuuko push her around with pathetic ease, and everyone else flocks to defend her. She gave every impression of plotting to kill me once, and everyone took *her* side. She's far weirder than even the worst slander I could imagine -- for heavens' sake, even just that bizarre little monkey-thing she carries around proves that -- and everyone thinks it's 'cool.' She does nothing to deserve *anything*, and yet gets everything. She infuriates me. So I'm aggressive. So I'm strident. So I do whatever it takes to get what I want. I have to, don't I? I've never had anything handed to me on a silver platter -- nothing important, anyway. To get what I want in life, I have to be the way I am, and I won't apologize. Why should I? I like the way I am, and if anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not mine. Oh, I'll admit I'm more hated and feared than admired and respected, but why would I want the respect of such jealous weaklings? I have my integrity. I have my self-confidence. I have my brother, or at least I will as soon as I manage to discredit the competition. What more do I need? What more could there be for me? Disclaimer: Shoujo Kakumei Utena and all characters therein are property of Be-Papas, Saitou Chiho, Terebi Tokyo, and Shogakukan. No infringement of their rights is expressed or implied. -- Scott Johnson | zagyg@io.com | This space intentionally left blank.