Eden's Sixth Day by E. Liddell Author's Note: As usual, Shoujo Kakumei Utena and associated characters do not belong to me, yadda yadda yadda. Please direct any feedback to eliddell at dark hyphen kingdom dot de. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It feels so strange to be walking through these gates without you by my side. I feel hollow inside, so light that I think I could fly, if I wanted to, instead of just striding along in this so- mundane fashion with Chuchu clinging to my shoulder. Is this what it feels like to be free? I can't remember anymore, and I know that you couldn't answer me even if you were here, instead of looking down at this from the top of your tower, like a bat in its belfry. How long has it been since either of us was free, dear brother? Were we ever? Or have we always been locked in our separate coffins? No, not separate, I think. We've always been together, through it all, trapped side by side in a thicket of rosebushes whose thorns prick at us and make us bleed, each of us trying to push them away from the other and never quite succeeding. That was always the problem. I understand that now. You were willing to give up everything you had ever been or might ever have become, if it meant saving me. I was willing to accept the Million Swords of Hate, if it meant saving you. But neither of us was ever willing to just *be* saved. One of us would push the other out of danger, and the one who had just been saved would jump right back in to rescue the one who had just done the saving. It's sort of like the reverse of that silly little story Shinohara-san was telling the other day, the one about the two hyperpolite English butlers trying to get through the same doorway at the same time. And so we both ended up trapped in a nightmare. It wasn't until Utena showed me the way out that I realized that the best thing I could for you was to let you go. We couldn't change--that was part of it, too. We were myth and archetype, not real people living in a real world. We were caricatures made up out of the beliefs of others. Our roles were our coffins, in a way. Well, I've found my way out of mine now, and I hope you can do as much, now that I'm not there to hold you back. Our coffins . . . She opened mine, as you had always failed to do. As you always had to fail to do, because otherwise you wouldn't have been being true to yourself. She opened it by refusing to let me sacrifice myself for her, by taking all the pain upon herself. I think you would have been capable of that too, once upon a time, when you were the Prince. Before you became weak, and discovered hatred, and all the other evils of the world. But you could not do it now. The habit of letting yourself be saved has become too deeply ingrained. It had to be her. And now . . . I think I'm real now. I think I have a heart and a soul. I think that's why other people seem so much more real to me now, too. Akio . . . what we were doing, playing with them, that was wrong. We were so wrapped up in each other that we could never see anyone else as more than a puppet, a caricature just like us, but people are so much more than that. She showed me that. I wonder where she is now. I want to talk to her, to tell her what I've learned. But she hasn't come back. I was expecting her to, you know, and I think you were, too. I wonder what happened. If she can't come to me, and I'm sure that she would have by now if she could have, I will have to go to her, and that's all there is to it. But those aren't the only reasons that I'm leaving. For the creature I was, the heartless doll called the Rose Bride, Ohtori Academy was enough of a world, but now that I'm real, I need something bigger. I want to climb mountains and sail the ocean and cross the desert by moonlight. I want to laugh and love and live. Sometimes, I wonder if even the real world will be enough to hold everything I want to do and see and be. Ever since you fell, you've been searching desperately for a way to regain the magic that you lost, to get the Miracle Power back again. But there's more than one way to do miracles. They happen every day. Friendship--that's a miracle. And happiness. And you don't need any magic to create those things, brother. All you need is a caring heart. All our lives, we've been like Siamese twins, joined together at the hip. Well, I'm cutting myself free now. Maybe, without me, you'll be able to find a heart of your own. No . . . I shouldn't say that. It's partly because of my dreams for you and the way they've been shaping your life that you're so messed up. You'll have to find your own reasons for living from now on. I'm not going to meddle in your life anymore. After all, even God rested on the seventh day and gave the world over to His creations. Never believe that I don't love you. It's because I love you that I'm leaving. Good luck, brother. I really do hope that you find what you need, somewhere, someday. Maybe then you'll be able to come outside and join me, and her, and all the others, and truly *live*. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And she said, I do not own you anymore. . . . Be free of my dreams for you. Be free of my dreams for us. I will dream for myself now. I will tell new stories. I will no longer attempt to use you. I will not constrain you to love me. I will learn to live on my own, I will be as free as a wild goose on the wind, and I will always love you." --Nancy Springer, _Fair Peril_ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- E. Liddell eliddell@puc.net http://ejlddll.virtualave.net --------------------------------------------------------- "One tacky fairytale artefact per expedition is about my limit." --------------------------------------------------------- UtenaCode(1.0) U:6- F:To+++Mk+:pOA D:CC X:*:a39++ M:f"Internal Clock, Municipal Orrery"