Well, this is the first time in a long while I've submitted something to a fanfic archive, so have pity on me and my short Utena fic, written for Valentine's Day. Spoilers up to the end of the series. Saionji focus. Features some 'yaoi' subtext, but it's not really a yaoi romance fic... gomen to the yaoi fans, halleluiah to the yaoi haters. ^_- Look over my other fics at http://www.fortunecity.com/tatooine/asimov/369/fanficmain.html, soon to be www.planetcolu.com/fanfiction. Feel free to e-mail me with thoughts and comments... mearlchan@hotmail.com Your mighty mistress, Mearl Dox ------------------------------- Dear Anthy, Yesterday was Valentine's Day. It has been three months since I became engaged to you, two and a half months since this diary began, two months since our engagement ended, and a half a month since the world changed. I found this diary in a pile of ashes inside the crumbling remains of Nemuro Hall. I took it home with me and read it. That is how I know the exact times of these changes. The dates ended abruptly in the book. I do not know what happened after that point, but I do know that something happened half a month ago, and that is why I began looking around the school. I had a feeling there was something missing. I think the others feel this too. Touga has been seducing girls at an alarming rate, as though he's afraid some virgin might still be hiding in a corner somewhere. Miki locked himself in the music room for three straight days, which caused a bit of alarm in his fans and his twin. Juri doesn't seem to be different, but she's got a follower, a purple haired girl I don't remember seing before. This all began half a month ago. That is when I found this diary. I did not decide to write in it until today. I am sorry, but I do not remember the details of our engagement, although from my past descriptions, it seems to have been a passionate one. I also do not remember Tenjou Utena, but if she did end our sunny engagement, I'm glad I drew such unflattering illustrations of her. It seems as though there is a mystery in the school, and you and she are at the heart of it. Or, rather, there was a mystery, and we are now reeling from the loss of it. Yesterday I went to Touga's house for Valentine's, as I am not dating anyone and he has too many women to keep track of. I am not dating for lack of options, but for lack of interest; that is an important distinction, and one I want my former fiancee to recognize. We spoke for almost three hours, although not very much was said. I allowed him to be on top. I allow him to be on top too often, I should start taking a more dominant role in our relationship. When I think on it harder, however, I don't want a relationship with him top or bottom. And I do not have an interest in boys. Why am I allowing him to do that? I suppose it's important to have contact with other people. And he knows me. I couldn't stand to be like that with one of the ridiculous girls that follow me around. I suppose you must know me very well, too, since we were engaged. I wonder what it was about Tenjou Utena that changed your mind. I'm not very pleased about it. Touga is not as wonderful as he'd like to think. What is this school? It seems like a ridiculous question. I think we, all of us students and the teachers as well, are someplace we don't understand. I would like to leave someday, but I don't know where I would go. If I did find a place, I might invite Touga. Juri and Miki can find their own places. Touga won't be allowed to keep pets or bring over girlfriends if he comes with me. I may save up money to buy a car. It could be that I found the diary for a reason. Someone, it might have been you, took it and buried it in those ashes, so it could be found if and only if someone cared to look for it. I found it. I am writing this as a letter to you, to ask you what life is like outside and if there is anywhere I could go. I will leave the diary where I found it, in the ashes of the old building, tonight. Please respond as soon as possible. Saionji Kyouichi