"4 am"
by meghan aka D-ko


Author's note:     I had just read a whole mass of stuff on the
twins Kaoru, and then I was listening to "4 am" by our lady
peace, and the chorus just made me think of them.  This is a
letter after Ohtori, but that doesn't mean there's spoilers
seeing as I haven't seen the series yet.  I don't own anything
relating to Utena, nor anything relating to Our Lady Peace.  I'm
thinking of doing another letter inspired by "Naveed" so this is
the first letter in the series.



"And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong"
"4 am" our lady peace


     My dearest sister
     I hope this letter finds you in good health.  I hope this letter
finds you, period.  It has been far too long since we last spoke,
since we left the academy.  But something has come over me these
past few days.  I can barely eat, my sleep is troubled, I don't
know what to do.  All I know is that I need you more now than I
ever did at school.  You make me complete.  I can love any other
woman or man, but only you can complete me.  I need your
guidance, your knowledge to help me through this world.  I'm
stumbling around and everthing is a dark room without a light.  I
never knew how to deal with you at school, you were always so
different from me.  You did so much for me, and to keep me from
shame or harm.  My thoughts keep wandering back to the days spent
in the sunny garden at the piano.
     So much happened then.  You grew up, I grew distant.  Mother and
father came to hate each other, and perhaps you, after that one
day I could not play along with you.  But time passed on and I
never forgot that song.  But it seemed like you did.  I wish I
could've told you how I felt, I wish we could be the children we
once were.  Inseparable, without a care in the world.  But then
we were so far apart.
     It's not that I was jealous of all the boys you dated, I don't
want you like that, and never did.  But you seemed closer to them
than you did to me.  I just wished that wasn't so.  I want you to
know that I have always loved you, and always will.  I just wish
I could talk to you, or even just read a letter.  I need to be
sure that you're okay.  If you aren't, then I guess it's time for
me to quit stumbling around and be the light in your dark room.
I hope to hear from you soon.

          Miki


Comments are always welcome!  e-mail: PhoenixStar15@aol.com  This
is my first fic so be gentle please ^_^.