These characters are not and I'm not making any money off this.  We've 
all read the nicely written S/T fics where Saionji represses some lust for 
Touga.  So I thought I'd write something a little different.


 			          Confession
                                	          By Selenite


	I've known for quite some time that if you feel too strongly about 
anything it will rule you, eventually betray you.  If you want to succeed, 
you must be the master of yourself and everyone around you.

	That's why I despise you.  I can control you just as easily as 
anyone, Kyouichi.  Truthfully, even more so than other people, for you are 
so easy to manipulate, so easy to sway.  You emotions allow this to 
happen.  You know better, Kyouichi.  You always know what's happening 
and yet you still willfully walk into the trap time and time again.  You 
cannot control your anger, your passion, or your pride.  If you just had a 
sliver of control, I would see you as an equal.  You would be formidable.  
No one could sway you because your instincts wouldn't allow it.  

	Yet, in spite of all your faults, your rashness, your passion, your 
emotions, you are the better man.  I can control you but I cannot control 
what you do to my heart.  I've known you for so long.  I know what you 
were like before the girl in the coffin.  When I met you, we were both 
seven years old.  Even then, I noticed how pretty you were.  You were 
pale like me and your hair was wavy as much as mine was straight.  I 
wanted to touch it and feel how silky it was and then look into your eyes.  
What was even better was that you had something that I couldn't name at 
first, something that made your mouth soft and your eyes shine.  It made 
you looks so sweet, complimenting your already ethereal beauty, 
enhancing it.

	We became best friends.  How could we not?  We complimented 
each other.  We belonged to each other.  Not you to me but to each other.  
But I wanted you to belong to me even then.  I was terrified of anyone 
controlling me and that was before I learned control my emotions.

	Then I realized what was increasing your beauty and that it was 
something that I didn't have.  You had innocence.  It made you purer than 
I was, more…princely.  And you didn't even realize it.  I don't think you 
remember it even now.  If I hadn't lost my family and then gained another 
when I was old enough to remember it, I might have been just as princely 
as you were.  It was your purity that let your creep into my heart.

	But I knew that if I could ever hope to have you as my own, I 
would have to dominate you.  If I didn't, you would have too strong hold 
on my heart, you would overtake me.  And so I bested you at everything I 
could, even the things hat mattered the most you like Kendo.  I wanted to 
show you who was the strong one in our relationship.  I even tried (and 
still try) to be the prince that you were even though I couldn't get it quite 
right; no matter how many girls I told I was chivalrous.  

	As we grew older, I began to resent your innocence, that very thing 
which initially endeared you to me.  I was the better man at everything we 
did and yet you still had that power ever me.  But then something 
happened.  You began to resent me.  Me, for beating you at everything 
while you were the one who didn't want to leave that girl in her coffin.  
What could have possibly accounted for this change in our situation?

	When this dance of conflict began, you stopped being so princely 
and your innocence slowly crumbled.  I should feel that I've won.  But I 
remember Kyouichi, I remember your sweetness and I still want you.  And 
I hate it.  You always make me weak.  Your spell is as poisionious as 
anything Akio or your precious Anshii could weave.  And to top it all off, 
you actually accuse me of never loving anyone.  

	But there is Utena.  She's just as you once were.  But unlike you, I 
think I could have her.  All I have to do is undermine her a bit and she'll 
be mine.  I'll break your spell; I'll be free of you.  Then Kyouichi, I will 
finally have control.  I will be the better man.  And you will never know 
that it wasn't always that way.