ARCHIMAGE

               Jude McLaughlin - tohubohu@utena.org
     http://www.1freespace.com/women/tohubohu/archimage.html

A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fan-fiction, set After Ohtori. Contains spoilers
galore for anyone who hasn't seen the entire series, and a few for people
who haven't seen the movie.

I don't own Shoujo Kakumei Utena. The series and movie, along with all the
characters and concepts, belong to Chiho Saito, Be-papas, and a variety of
other corporate entities. The bits here that don't belong to them are mine.
Please don't post this story, steal it, or otherwise claim that it was
written by someone other than Jude McLaughlin.

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Part Four: Lancet

"Give us a good-bye kiss," said the host[...]. I pushed him away. "What'sa
matter, you some kinda prude?" he said and enfolding us in his powerful
arms, et cetera - well, not so very powerful as all that, but I want to
give you the feeling of the scene. If you scream, people say you're
melodramatic; if you submit, you're masochistic; if you call names, you're
a bitch. Hit him and he'll kill you. The best thing is to suffer mutely and
yearn for a rescuer, but suppose the rescuer doesn't come?

--"The Female Man" by Joanna Russ

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"I still haven't gotten any real answers out of her."

Juri and I were lounging in the living room, drinking tea. It was quite
late, and we were both wearing sweatpants and t-shirts in prelude to going
to bed. I shrugged. "She'll answer real questions. I know she will. You
just have to ask them."

She nodded, stretching back over the arm of the sofa. I heard her spine
crackle, and she sighed heavily. "You know I don't know what became of
Shiori, don't you?"

I caught myself staring at her shoulders, which had always fascinated me in
school, and where the muscles glided down against her ribcage. "I didn't
know for sure. Mostly I was worried about you, but other information would
be welcome, of course."

"Shiori joined the fencing team after you left." She cut a glance at me, as
if measuring the truth of Anthy's abbreviated story of my abrupt departure
from Ohtori. "She was fairly decent, but no Miki. Won some matches. I never
spoke to her outside team events, even though that made a buzz with the
team."

"You and Miki left about the same time, right?" I asked, unsuccessfully
trying to look only at my teacup as she scratched her belly, lifting the
shirt somewhat to do so.

"Yes, which left the team without a likely candidate for captain, but at
that point, I didn't care. I wanted out, without any little strings the
Chairman might think to attach to me or my friends. I didn't want another
Ruka."

Ruka was part of that tangled jumble that still hadn't sorted itself out in
my head. I'd had very little to do with him, although I'd dueled him once
and he'd played Bride for Juri another time. Juri had said that he died
after that. I had no real emotions attached to him, so I mostly felt sorry
for Juri.

"The last I saw of Shiori, she cornered me at my graduation party - of
course I'd invited the whole team - and tried to apologize to me 'for
everything.'" Juri's voice piped high on the last words, mocking Shiori's
lighter voice. "I told her no, that I ought to thank her, because I'd
learned a lesson that many people don't learn until much later. Never fall
in love with your best friend."

I thought guiltily of Wakaba, who I'd not even tried to find in the years
since the institution.

"She tried to say that she'd realized she loved me too, but wasn't sure it
was in 'that way.' I told her not to bother figuring it out, because she
was far too much of a bitch for another woman to want anyway." Juri laughed
as I gaped. "Then I walked away. And that was the last I saw or heard of
her."

"Ah," I said, still startled.

Juri rolled up to her feet, and I stood too. "Anyway, at this point, I
don't much care if Akio chews her up and spits her out. I'll send her a
locket to wear his picture in." She rubbed the back of her head and yawned.
We were standing a foot or so apart. Our eyes met accidentally.

We stood for a long moment, and I was remembering the moment by the
fountain, when her hand, so warm, traveled by my face and down my arm, and
I could feel her breath on my face.

She stooped quickly and brushed her lips along my throat. "Now is not the
time, Utena," she said, smiling. "But maybe, sometime." Juri turned at her
door to look over her shoulder at me. "Good night."

As she closed the door behind her gently, I caught Chu-Chu by the tail to
keep him from following her. I stared at the door for a very long moment,
and then turned out the lights. When I entered our bedroom, Anthy was
sitting up in bed, reading.

"That was very strange," I commented in a low voice as I dropped Chu-Chu
and stripped off my shirt.

"She kissed you?" Anthy asked, turning her page.

"Yes... No... Not exactly," I stammered. "How are you so calm about it?"

Anthy closed her book and looked up at me, smiling. "Utena, you've been
radiating raw lust ever since you got back from the airport. How could I
miss it? I know that you love me, and that Juri would never be anything but
a fling, so why should I worry?"

I climbed into bed, grinning. "I'm too predictable, is that it? Maybe I
should run away with her and drive across the country, fighting crime and
breaking young girls' hearts. That'd fix you."

"I don't think Juri does 'sidekick,'" Anthy grinned, "but I should remind
you why you like me best, anyway." She wrapped her arms around my neck and
pulled me close.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

At some point, we got home that night. Anthy had to help me into the flat:
every time I took a step, there was a good chance that I would step on a
sword point, or be hamstrung, or feel a knife edge driving into the side of
my skull. She very nearly carried me, I think.

I didn't want to let her go, so she let me stay in her bed that night. I
needed the feeling that I wasn't alone in the world. I tried not to make
any noise.

"Why did this happen, Himemiya?" I whispered after she'd turned the lights
out. In the dark, I could hear the swords more clearly.

"Because I couldn't hide you forever," she replied. "Not without becoming a
target myself. Again."

"Am I crazy?"

"No."

"Will it ever stop?"

There was a long pause, during which something corkscrewed through my left
thigh. "If you believe that you can send them where they belong, yes."

Later that night, a particularly bad one made me cry out. Anthy gathered me
close and stroked my back until it stopped. I buried my face in her neck. A
few minutes later, in a brief respite, I found myself kissing her throat.

She gently deflected me, but I was hurt and worn thin by pain, and so began
to cry. "Why not?" I asked.

"Because you're in no shape to make this kind of decision right now." Anthy
brushed my tears off my cheeks with the back of her hand. "And you don't
really remember me. Yet."

"But... but I love you," I whimpered.

"No," she said with a small quaver in her voice. "You're grateful. It's
different."

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I emerged from the bathroom in the morning and nearly ran Juri down. As we
danced apologetically around each other in the hallway, Anthy, stark naked,
hair still in a braid, and carrying a towel, slipped past both of us and
closed the bathroom door. We stopped and stared after her. The shower
started.

I shook my head and motioned Juri back to the kitchen, where I put coffee
on for us. Juri thumbed thoughtfully through Anthy's copy of The Complete
Hothead Paisan for a moment before saying, "Huh."

"What?" I asked.

"That scar," she replied, nudging Chu-Chu out of the way and pulling two
mugs down from the cabinet.

"Scar?" I'm never very awake in the morning.

"On her back. And chest. It went clean through. How did she survive?"

"Oh. That scar." I poured the coffee. "I don't know."

"What's it from?"

"I don't know." Teaspoon. Sugar.

Juri blinked at me. "Maybe it's just because I'm a cop, but one of the
first things I do with my lovers is compare scars. How long have you been
together? And you haven't asked?"

I shrugged and continued to pile sugar into my coffee. "It has something to
do with her brother. That's all she'd ever tell me." I tasted the coffee,
then added some milk. "Do you have many scars to compare?"

She stared at the floor for a moment, then looked up with a mischievous
smirk. "Do you?"

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days and nights after Anthy found the stone were a monochrome fever
dream for me. It was worse than the weeks I'd spent shaking off the drugs.
It didn't matter whether I moved or stayed still, the pain still came.
Sometimes, single thrusts, and sometimes, a jangling attack of many. Anthy
gave me what relief she could in a special sort of sleep, but she couldn't
keep me that way indefinitely.

But then, one night, I dreamed.

I was standing on a vast floor of brightly polished tile. There seemed to
be no ceiling, just a starry sky above. Walls that were no more than a
loose framework of tall windows or French doors stretched up to try to meet
it.

People were all around me, moving in a slow, spinning waltz. The walls
seemed to shift with them. Only the floor and sky remained constant. There
was a humming sound in the air.

The tiles were of a curious design. I stood on a section that was a mosaic
of white and red ceramic triangles. When I stepped back to the edge of the
square, I could see that the red pieces were arranged to produce the
outline of a stylized rose. The next section was gray with a black rose.
And then another white square with a red rose.

I looked around me. A girl with burgundy curls and a matching uniform
grinned viciously from the black square next to me. "Hello, Utena," she
said, and stabbed at me with a broadsword.

I leaped up, back, and to one side, flipping midair to land on a black
square. A girl with two pigtails and a katana stood on the nearest white
square. "You can't keep it up, Prince," she snarled. "We have a million
swords. You just have the one."

Indeed, I had a sword - a very familiar sword - in my hand. I was wearing a
black uniform jacket and red shorts, and I felt very... comfortable
suddenly. And confident. But the humming noise was becoming a buzzing,
growing louder with each second. I glanced up at the sky and saw a million
points of darkness coming down.

I was on the far side of the board from "my side." I could see two
katana-wielding men standing back to back, fending off a small boy with
sword and dagger and a girl with an elegant rapier. A woman with orange
curls snarled in irritation at a lanky man who matched her sword with
noticeable effort. A fine-boned boy clashed blades with a pony-tailed girl.
A blonde girl in a yellow and black uniform called something from where she
was chained to the wall.

Past them all, I glimpsed Anthy, wearing a shimmering, iridescent gown,
reaching for me and calling my name.

A very tall man in a white uniform leaned across from two squares away.
"Just because you've stolen my Bride, Prince, don't think you'll be able to
get away. You're trapped here in this castle with me." He laughed, and
several duelists near me laughed as well.

I snarled and started for him. "No, no, no!" cried a shadow from the wall.
"The Prince is the most mobile piece, but to attack him, you'd have to move
into check! That's illegal!"

"Illegal!" cried Shiori, slashing at me.

"Illegal!" hissed Keiko, lunging.

"Illegal!" roared Tsuwabuki, charging across the board toward me.

"Utena!" Anthy screamed.

I reacted on instinct to the warning in her voice. My leap took me
diagonally across the board, between Touga and Saionji, to land next to
Miki. Behind me, over the sound of metal striking into stone, Akio cursed.

"Wakaba!" I exclaimed, looking over at Miki's opponent.

"I'll kill her!" she replied, a desperate tone to her voice.

"No, Wakaba," I told her, ducking under her wild thrust, catching her
hands, and reversing the sword, as I'd done once before. Miki snapped his
sword out of the way with cool expertise. The black rose petals exploded
upward and I caught her in my arms. "No, Wakaba, I've had enough of him
using you against me."

"Utena, you need to go!" Miki told me fiercely, moving to block my back.

"Go?" I looked around quickly.

Juri glanced over her shoulder as she locked swords with Ruka. "Go!"

"Utena!" I could hear Anthy clearly now that I was closer.

The shadow - or maybe it was a different one - said, "Isn't it a shame that
the Bride's movements are so limited?"

"Oniisama!" Nanami shrieked nearby, seeing Touga's rose go up in a flurry
of red petals.

Wakaba stood on her own now, and held her own sword: a plain, durable
longsword. "Go, Utena," she said. "I'll cover you."

I made a split-second decision as Kozue charged. I leaped. My sword crashed
down and split Nanami's fetters in a shower of sparks. She stared at me,
amazed, and then ran out onto the board. My feet touched the wall, and I
sprang away again, sailing over Juri's head to land on a white square just
behind her.

Mikage was silent as his sword trimmed some of my hair. I spun and blocked
his second swing. "You!" I said through gritted teeth. "You were never
real!"

He laughed. "You sound like someone crying, 'Don't take my precious
memories away!'"

"You're wrong," I replied, and I drove my sword through him. He looked very
surprised for a long moment. "I just want them back." As I pulled the blade
back, he dissolved into a shower of pink rose petals.

Akio cried, "Stop her!" The buzzing was a whistling roar now. I didn't look
back.

His minions abandoned their targets and moved to head me off. I had one
narrow alley of movement left and took it. Up, two squares back, one square
over, leaving Juri and Ruka behind, leaving Shiori, Tsuwabuki, Keiko,
Kanae, and Touga to tangle up and block each other.

I landed on a black square and turned, slowly. Anthy stood there, smiling
at me. "Utena."

"Anthy." I fell into her arms and held her, never intending to let her go
again. The game dissolved around us.

"You are my prince," she murmured into my neck.

I pulled back for a moment to stare at her and, my eyes stinging with
tears, said, "As you are mine."

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"So, do you have a girlfriend now?" I asked as we stood in the used book
section of New Words the next day.

Juri glanced at me from the corner of her eye and smiled. "Why? Aren't you
and Himemiya getting along?"

I didn't mean to blush, but there it was. I turned my back to look at the
mysteries on the wall. "Just curious," I said, over my shoulder.

"Not right now," she admitted. "Akane and I decided to call it quits when I
got the exchange program offer. And I've not met anyone worth coming out of
the closet for in Chicago."

"Oh," I replied, feeling very young and innocent, just as she always made
me feel back at school. "Um. Do you still fence?"

"Oh, yes. Not recently, of course. All my teachers and sparring partners
are back home." She pulled some book off a shelf. "Why is it that Naiad
covers are so boring?"

"They publish a lot of stuff on a low budget, at a guess," I said, glancing
over at the very plain cover. "That one's not bad."

"You read a lot?"

"Not really. Anthy goes through books like the wind, though, and sometimes
I pick them up to read on the train."

"Ah. I see."

I had to look at Juri's face again, just to make sure I hadn't missed a
joke at my expense. Didn't look like it. "What do you mean?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, really. I'm just interested in learning more
about your girlfriend." Her mouth quirked an ironic smile. "There's more to
her than met the eye, once upon a time."

We wandered toward the front of the store, carrying our books. Juri asked
the woman at the register for one of the "I'm not a feminist..." posters.
"I've got a co-worker in Chicago who says that all the time," she confided.
"She probably won't get it, but what the hell, right?"

I watched Juri flirt outrageously with the woman and shook my head in
amazement as we left the store. Juri caught my expression and grinned.
"What?"

"I guess... I guess I don't even notice other women being attractive most
of the time. I mean, I don't cruise," I amended hurriedly, trying to head
off the sarcastic comment I could see on Juri's lips. "I just don't think
about them. It's... being out with you seems to light up a whole different
view of the world."

"And you also didn't expect Arisugawa-sempai to cruise the incredibly cute
women you seem to have in this town," Juri added, flashing her teeth out
the corner of her mouth at me. "You've never been with anyone but Himemiya,
have you?"

My face burned crimson. Juri stopped dead at my expression. "Oh. Utena, I'm
sorry."

"It's... it's all right." Damn, damn, damn, she always catches me off-guard
and she always notices. "I don't actually... remember it that well."

She watched me keenly. "Uh-huh."

"It was... just the once. Or twice."

"Ohtori?" Meaning the man, not the school. I could tell by the snarl she
put into it.

I nodded, not able to get any words out of my mouth.

She nodded back and put an arm around my shoulders as we walked down to the
T stop.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't really that bad.

(It was.)

I mean, he was nice about it and he knew what he was doing.

(At whose expense?)

I guess I felt guilty about Kanae-san, though.

(Especially when he accused me of going along with it without a protest,
later, during the duel.)

It wasn't that bad.

(I was fourteen and I had no idea what he was doing. He just kept going,
even when it was clear I really couldn't say "yes" or "no" because I didn't
know what I would be saying it to. I mean, I had this warm, fuzzy dream of
romance. Those little fourteen-year-old dreams rarely involve the sweat and
smells and terror and pain of the real thing.)

I guess I must've loved him...

(Despite the fact that even as he was doing what he did, I kept wishing
that it was Anthy's face I was looking into, Anthy's lips I was kissing,
Anthy's hands touching me there and there and there...)

...and maybe he loved me a little.

(The same way he "loved" Anthy?)

It was kind of scary...

(I was terrified.)

But it was all right.

(Yeah, right.)

@---To be continued---@