AFTERIMAGE

Quicksilver - mbsilvana@yahoo.com

=====

Notes: Thanks to Lyra Stormrider and 
Alan Harnum for graciously 
prereading this for me.   Yes, I 
know I dabble in enough fandoms and 
should finish some of my other 
stories, but this has been one of my 
pet projects for the past few 
months.


Dedicated to Gerald Tarrant, who 
some would say is my better half.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Part One: Phantasmic Reality


*Countdown: 2:00:00*


I had been dreaming recently.


Most people would think that wasn't 
that remarkable, but then again, 
most people didn't know me.   I 
didn't dream; I lived in a reality 
so precise that everything I did 
reflected it.   


Music I adored, not for its artistic 
merit, but rather for the 
mathematical quality inherent in its 
notes.   Piano was my favorite, as 
the notes were so staccato that they 
left no memory in the air- not like 
most stringed instruments, which 
continued to vibrate well after the 
note should have been forgotten.  I 
used to be quite a pianist, but that 
was a while ago.   It had been two 
years since I had sat at the bench, 
caressing the ivory keys that 
brought life to so many songs.  


Fencing, too, used to occupy my 
time.  That was predictable, each 
stroke and parry part of some great 
dance that I could calculate.   Mind 
and body would unite, and in the 
salle I excelled. Still, as with my 
music, I had lapsed, and grown out 
of practice.  


I sometimes wondered what had 
changed.   Many things, myself most 
of all.   But I did not know the 
reasons for the change, and I wished 
the answers would come to me.   X=Y.  
Cause=Effect.  I had seen the 
effect, but what was the cause?


Yet it is the dreams that worried 
me.   I do not dream.  Still, I have 
vague glimpses of a girl in a boy's 
uniform, long pink hair fluttering 
behind her like a banner.   Roses, 
blue roses.  An impossible castle 
that hovers in the sky, always just 
beyond reach.  And The Sunlit Garden 
plays eternally.


Freud believed that dreams are the 
window to the unconscious.   Is that 
true?   I wonder.  What was my 
subconscious trying to tell me?   
What was so blasted important that 
it disturbed my rest?


Perhaps it is because I returned.  I 
never should have accepted Kiryuu 
Nanami's invitation to play at her 
graduation party.  Still, I owed her 
a favor, and now my debt is clear.  
I will have nothing to do with her 
again.


Juri was worried when I told her I 
would be returning to our Alma 
Mater, for Nanami had, in her own 
inexplicable way, decided to host it 
there.  Juri had been against me 
accepting the invitation, but I went 
anyway.   So much of my past was at 
Ohtori Academy, a past I could not 
leave behind, but could not recall 
either.



*1:32:12*



I arrived early to check the piano.   
Nanami herself greeted me at the 
door, acting sweetly pleased.   She 
had grown into a true lady, a 
golden rose that was as deadly as it 
was enticing.   Her hair was loose 
to her waist, a cascade of sunshine.  
She kissed both of my cheeks, a 
floral perfume assaulting my senses 
as drew close to me.  "Miki!" she 
said.  "You haven't been around in 
ages."   She frowned up at me, 
placing her slender hands on slender 
hips.


I laughed to shrug away her 
acusation, and headed into her 
ballroom, knowing that she would 
likely forget about me now that I 
was here and she had what she 
wanted.   Nanami is Nanami, after 
all, and there's no reason for her 
to change.   Her methods had always 
gotten her what she had wanted 
before.   Why change what works?


The grand piano was just as I 
remembered it, made of cherry wood.   
I ran my hand over the gracefully 
arched lid, smiling as I recalled 
playing it.   I wondered why had I 
grown so far apart from the music as 
I carefully adjusted the leather-
padded bench, then I hit a few 
chords, pleased to see that someone 
had been keeping it in tune. Nanami, 
perhaps?


Miraculously, in spite of my 
neglect, none of my skill seemed to 
desert me.   My fingers began to 
move in familiar patterns, and 
before I knew it, I was playing a 
melody that had haunted my dreams- a 
violent melody that spoke of anger, 
hatred, and possibilities.   Such a 
dichotomy...



*1:16:52*



I'm not sure how long I played for 
before someone touched my shoulder.   
I'm not sure who I was expecting to 
see,  but Saionji Kyouichi would 
have been on the bottom of the list.   
He and Kiryuu Touga had always 
been rivals, no matter what claim to 
friendship they may have made for 
the other.   He focused his 
brilliant eyes on me, and I looked 
up at him, ending the song with an 
abrupt flourish.   I doubt many 
people noticed.   I had already 
played a complete set.


"Can I get you something to drink?" 
he asked, resting his hand on my 
shoulder.


"No," I replied coolly, trying to 
unobtrusively shrug him off of me.   
Saionji and Touga had always 
radiated a casual sensuality that 
made me uncomfortable.   Everything 
they did seemed to have a sexual 
invitation laced through it, and I 
am sure either one would... jump my 
bones, as my sister would say, 
should I give them the slightest 
indication of interest.  And that, 
to use another Kozue saying, was a 
can of worms I didn't even WANT to 
consider opening.


Saionji smiled, the sly, slightly 
superior smile that only he could 
do.  He ran his fingertips along the 
fine silk of my shirt, over my back 
and to my other shoulder.  "Calm 
down, Miki," he whispered softly 
into my ear, his breath hot against 
my cheek.  "You're like a skittish 
colt," he practically purred. 
"Didn't we used to be... friends?"


"Horses have good instincts for 
people, and you were never my 
friend."  I picked up his hand and 
shoved it off, rising to my feet.   


It must have been almost two years 
since I had seen him, and I was 
surprised by the fact that I was 
almost able to look him in the eye.   
I remembered being so much shorter 
than almost all my fellow Student 
Council members.   Even Nanami had 
been of a height with me, but that 
was no longer the truth.   I guess 
there's nothing like going back to 
realize how much you've gone 
forward.


I nodded at Nanami, who was 
surrounded by her usual coterie of 
admirers.   Shifting my eyes to the 
door, I silently made clear my 
intention to leave her party.   
Nanami scowled for an instant, then 
broke free of her flock.   A 
pleasant smile graced her features, 
and for the second time that 
evening, I reflected on how 
beautiful she had grown.   Too bad 
she wasn't the same on the inside, 
or I might have seriously considered 
dating her.


No, that's harsh.  Nanami is a 
special person, but part of her has 
been twisted... but I know she 
cares.   I remember seeing her with 
her flunky, Mitsuru... remember how 
he used to follow her around wanting 
nothing more than her attention.   
She would give it to him, and part 
of me remembers... something else.   
There had been something special, 
but I can't remember.


My memories are flawed.


"Are you leaving so soon, Miki?" she 
asked.   Her beautiful lavender 
eyes were wide with hurt, and some 
of it may have been real.  


"I played for your party, Nanami... 
it's time for me to go home.   I 
have a long trip ahead of me."


She looked at me, her mouth parted 
slightly.   I could almost see the 
protest form in her eyes.   "At 
least stay until the gifts have been 
exchange!" she protested.


"Exchanged?" I asked in surprise.   
That implied that someone besides 
Nanami would be receiving a gift, 
and that just didn't fit with what I 
remember of her.


Maybe she had changed.


"I'm not the only one graduating.   
If you would have been normal, 
you'd be graduating with me."


"I AM graduating this year!" I 
protested.


"From college.   With your 
Doctorate.  It's not the same 
thing," she argued.   "Please, Miki?   
Stay for another half an hour?"


I sighed and nodded my agreement, 
and Nanami rewarded me with a smile 
as bright as her hair.   "Good!   I 
have something for you!"


I blinked, unable to prevent myself.   
"Something for me?" I echoed 
rather dumbly.


"Yes, yes!" she said with 
impatience, catching my arm and 
pulling me out towards the balcony.    
On the way she signaled one of her 
servants, and the man gave her a low 
bow, obviously having been prepped 
by his mistress for this signal, and 
rushed over to her with a long, 
narrow box in his hands.   She took 
it from him, dismissed him with a 
flick of her fingers, and smiled at 
me.   For once her smile was shy, 
and I was surprised.   She didn’t 
look like the empress who had ruled 
Ohtori through fear; no, now she 
looked like a shy girl who wasn’t 
exactly sure how her gift would be 
received.


"I don’t have a gift for you, 
Nanami," I said warily, worried 
about possibly getting into her debt 
again.


Her lavender eyes flashed.  "Miki, 
can’t a friend just give another a 
gift?"


"It’s not like you," I answered 
dryly.


"How would you know?   Since you 
graduated Ohtori, I haven’t seen 
you." She sounded genuinely hurt.


Had that hurt her? I wondered, and 
was surprised to see that it had.   
Then again, Nanami had few friends, 
and fewer still were the people she 
could be honest with.   "I’m sorry, 
Nanami, but... I don’t like it here.   
Bad memories, I guess."


She shivered, even though the air 
outside wasn’t that cold.   "Don’t 
you mean lack of memories?" she 
demanded, and suddenly she focused 
on me with frightened intensity.   
"What happened, Miki?"


I felt the blood drain from my face.   
"What do you mean?" I whispered.


"You know... seventh grade.   What 
happened that year?" she replied.   
She grabbed my hand.


"Touga got sick and you assumed his 
place on the Student Council," I 
answered, hoping that would be 
explanation enough.


"No...." she said, shaking her head.  
"No, no, no!   That’s not what 
happened!  Why do I have dreams?"


"Dreams?" I parroted rather dumbly. 
"Well, Freud believed that-"


"I dream of cats, and golden 
flowers, and a girl I don’t know.   
I dream..."


"Why do you think I know?" I asked.


"Because I dream of you, with 
another girl.   Do you remember 
Himemiya Anshi?  The one who was 
always in the greenhouse?"


"She wasn’t here that long, but I 
remember having a bit of a crush on 
her," I said.  Vaguely I recalled 
turquoise eyes and tightly bound 
purple hair.   


"You were obsessed," Nanami said 
cruelly.  


"Was I?" I asked, disconcerted yet 
again.  This wasn’t how I’d pictured 
the evening going.   Nanami was 
celebrating her graduation by 
arguing with me?    Unbelievable, 
but that’s what was happening.


"You were... can’t you remember?" she 
begged.


I shut my eyes.   "I’m sorry, 
Nanami, but that was a long time 
ago."


She thrust the package she had 
brought outside with her at me.  "I 
thought of you when I saw this," she 
said.


I smiled gratefully for the change 
in topic and slowly unwrapped the 
paper.   It looked like it might 
contain a fencing foil, and I 
resolved to thank her, then throw 
the thing away into my closet as 
soon as I got home.   I didn’t fence 
anymore.  Kozue had argued with me 
about that.


As I unveiled it, I was surprise to 
see it packed in fresh blue rose 
petals.   Surely Nanami had guessed- 
there was no way she could have 
known that blue roses were haunting 
my dreams.   The scent was eerily 
familiar.   Why would roses unnerve 
me so? I wondered.   Certainly blue 
roses were rare, but...


I found the hilt, and before I knew 
it, it was in my hand.  Then I 
dropped it just as soon as I 
recognized what it was.


The Sword of Dios.


"Damn you, Nanami," I whispered.


She held up a hand, which I noticed 
was wearing the rose signet that 
student council alumni were given.  
"You remember that thing, don’t 
you?" she demanded.


"Damn you!" I exclaimed.   "You 
lured me here!"


Her eyes were pleading.   "I have to 
know!   Having these holes in my 
memory- I can’t live like this!  
Oniisama doesn’t seem to mind, and 
Saionji is brainless as ever, but... 
surely you and Juri know something 
is wrong!   Doesn’t it bother you?"


"No," I replied coolly.


"Miki, please!" she exclaimed, 
catching a hold of me by my jacket.
        
I didn't mean to do it.  I've never 
done it before--not to anyone--but 
without thinking I gave her a sharp 
slap across the face.
        
Nanami cried out and stumbled 
backwards, clutching her cheek in 
astonishment.   She had never seen 
me like this, out of control and 
angry.  "I’m leaving," I announced; 
the voice didn't seem my own.


I felt her gaze on my back as I left 
the party.



*00:46:03*



Juri hadn’t been happy with me.   
Rather than go home immediately, I 
headed out to her apartment to talk 
to her.   Whenever I was confused, I 
always went to Juri.   


Juri lived in an apartment building 
with amazing security, yet they all 
knew me there.   I was a frequent 
visitor; perhaps Juri’s only regular 
visitor.   She didn’t make friends 
easily, and I doubted that she ever 
would.  She was undeniably the most 
beautiful woman I had ever seen, 
yet there was always a core of ice 
around her.   I was one of the few 
she let close, and not even I had 
seen the real Arisagawa Juri.


I waved to the doorman as I walked 
into the building, and he tried to 
hide a slight smile beneath the brim 
of his cap by lowering his head 
slightly.   I wasn't a fool; I was 
well aware that many believed I was 
Juri's boy-toy, but that didn't 
bother me.   In a way, it was 
flattering that people would believe 
that I was worthy of her.
        
Juri seemed to be waiting for me- 
she appeared almost instantly when I 
knocked on the apartment door.   
"Come in, Miki," she said in her 
velvety voice.


I blushed in embarrassment as I did 
as she asked.   "I'm sorry for 
disturbing you, it's just-"


"It's just that you went to the 
party and found something there you 
didn't like," she said, quiet and 
knowledgeable as ever.  "Touga 
called- he's rather annoyed at you 
for slapping Nanami, though she 
wouldn't tell him what she'd done to 
set you off."


I looked at her, trying to find 
words.   "I didn't mean to- I mean, 
Nanami-"


"I told you not to go.   Sometimes 
the past is best left there," she 
said.   She pulled me inside and 
locked the door, making me jump at 
how resoundingly FINAL it sounded.   
"I'll make some tea."


I shivered slightly as I slid off my 
shoes and on a pair of the slippers 
Juri had left out for guests.   The 
light blue matched my hair 
perfectly, and I knew she had bought 
them with me in mind; after all, I 
was one of her only visitors.  
Still, something about Juri's tone 
hadn't reassured me.   She was going 
to have one of her "talks" with me, 
and I rarely liked those.   In high 
school, she had reduced a teacher to 
tears... things hadn't improved 
since then.  She had a sharp tongue 
on her.  If she'd been born two 
centuries earlier, no man would 
marry her.  


Juri came back out with the formal 
tea set and I felt the lump in the 
pit of my stomach grow even larger.   
This was bad.  She was bringing 
out the big guns.


I'm not a coward; there's few things 
in this world I really fear.   
Only two come immediately to mind- 
one is Kozue (much as I love my 
sister, I would have to be crazy not 
to be scared of what trouble she'll 
get into next, since I'm the one who 
always invariable bails her out), 
and the other is Arisugawa Juri.


Anyone with half a brain should be 
afraid of Juri when she's annoyed 
about something, and she was annoyed 
with me.   She was hiding it behind 
a screen of formality, but I knew 
that when she had me relaxed, she 
would pounce.   The question was 
when, and if she'd leave enough of 
me to get myself home.


Finally she set the fragile cup down 
and looked at me with measuring 
aqua eyes.   I wasn't sure what she 
was expecting, so I set my cup down 
as well (to keep from spilling the 
hot tea all over myself) and waiting 
patiently.


She was still my sempai, after all.


She spoke after what seemed to be a 
moment of eternity.  "Lots of 
people have wanted to slap Kiryuu 
Nanami, myself among them.   I never 
would have thought that you would be 
the one to finally do it."   She was 
at her driest, and I was barely able 
keep from lifting a hand to loosen 
the collar which was suddenly 
choking me.  "I assume you had 
reason?" 


"I-I..." I stuttered, feeling a 
flush creep up my cheeks.  I was 
always lousy at explaining myself.


"Start slowly," she advised.


I took a deep breath, the way my 
singing teachers had always taught 
me. Deep in through the diaphragm, 
feel the ribcage expand, then 
concentrate.   The old practice 
soothed me and I met her eyes 
steadily.   


"Juri, what do you remember of my 
seventh grade year?" I demanded.


She blinked, apparently wondering 
where this was going.   "Well, we 
were on the Student Council 
together.   Touga got sick, Nanami 
filled in for him, Saionji got 
expelled then readmitted-"


"Juri, what did the student council 
do?" I pressed.


"The normal things a student council 
does.  I can't believe you hit 
Nanami over a grudge from seventh 
grade."


"Juri, Nanami gave me the Sword of 
Dios," I said grimly.


She didn't appear to have heard me.   
"What?"


"She gave me the Sword of Dios," I 
said softly, "or something so close 
to it that I couldn't tell the 
difference."


Her eyes were uncomprehending.   
"What are you talking about?"


I couldn't believe what I did next.   
I leaned across the table and 
grabbed her shoulders, forcing her 
to meet my eyes.   My fingers dug 
deeply into her tender skin, and I 
knew I was leaving bruises behind, 
but I couldn't find it in my heart 
to give a damn.   This was JURI, and 
for  her to look at me like a 
mindless doll hurt something deep 
inside my soul.   I shook her, and 
she stared at me in amazement.   She 
had never seen me so violent.   I 
was gentle, soft-spoken Miki, after 
all.   "SNAP OUT OF IT!" I 
commanded, raising my voice.   "You 
know what I'm talking about!"  For 
the second time that evening, I 
didn’t recognize myself in my 
actions.


She flinched, and I was pained to 
see the confusion in her eyes.  Juri 
pulled away from me with enough 
force to send me off-balance, and I 
barely caught myself before crashing 
into the table.  She clenched her 
forehead as though it was paining 
her greatly.  She whimpered, and 
tears started to form at the corner 
of her eyes.


Juri never cried.   I admit to being 
frightened.


"Juri, I'm sorry..." I whispered.


"Ruka... forgive me, God.   I can't 
believe I forgot Ruka...."   The 
tears spilled over and trailed down 
her pale cheeks.  She looked up at 
me then, and I was amazed at the 
deep sorrow there.   "Miki... how 
could I forget Ruka?" she demanded.


"Perhaps that was your miracle," I 
said softly.   "To forget your pain.   
After all, you didn't think about 
Shiori either, did you?"


She wiped her eyes with the silken 
sleeve of her robe, then looked at 
me with her composed face.   Her 
moment of weakness was over with 
like it had never been, and I 
realized that I had seen something 
special.  If Juri hadn't trusted me 
completely, I never would have seen 
it.   I was perhaps the only living 
person who had ever seen Juri look 
so weak.  


"Why couldn't you leave the past 
where it was?" she demanded.


"Don't you dream?   Nanami 
complained of dreams.  I don't know 
about you, Juri, but sometimes I 
wonder if I'm going mad...."


"Orange roses... an elevator... a 
girl who believes in miracles..." 
she whispered, her eyes focusing on 
something that I couldn't see.


"We all remember roses... and we all 
remember a girl.   What's her 
name?" I demanded, looking at my 
closest friend intently.


Juri's brow furrowed as she tried to 
dredge up the memory.   "I can't 
remember," she confessed, and for 
her, that was a remarkable 
concession.  Juri was smart; not as 
smart as I was, but smart enough 
that she rarely forgot anything.   


"Neither can I, nor can Nanami.  All 
I know is that I SHOULD remember 
her.   And then... Nanami gave me a 
sword... a cursed sword that brings 
only despair.   The Sword of Dios."


"Dios... God..." she whispered.


"No, he wasn't," I said softly.   
"People wanted him to be, but he was 
only a prince."  I blinked as I 
remembered that.   "But he held much 
power."


"It was almost enough," she 
whispered in return.


"But almost doesn't save you from 
the swords of humanity's hatred that 
seek to pierce you," I continued.


"Almost won't stop the descent into 
darkness."


"Almost won't stop you from seeing 
the Ends of the World."


We blinked at each other for a 
second, then Juri rose.   "I have a 
photo shoot tomorrow so I should be 
getting to bed.  Miki, stay in the 
guest room- I don't want you driving 
home when you're this rattled. We 
can talk tomorrow."


I agreed easily enough.   



*00:22:69*



I stayed over frequently enough to 
leave spare clothing there, for 
which I was devoutly grateful as I 
slipped out of my formal suit.   
After calling Kozue to let her know 
my whereabouts, I went into the 
spare room and settled down in the 
bed, trying to clear my mind.   I 
needed sleep to reconcile my new 
memories, and perhaps remember more.


My dreams that night were full of  
vivid images, and I fenced under the 
upside-down castle.  I had a sword 
pulled from my body by Kozue twice- 
once willingly, once not.  Twice I 
failed to achieve my goal, yet each 
time, I look into blue eyes that 
stared at me with compassion.


Eyes so blue...


I bolted upright out of a dead sleep 
as I finally fit the last piece 
together.   


The Duels....


I had been a duelist, fighting for 
the power to revolutionize the 
world..  



*00:10:00*



Her name... her name had been Tenjou 
Utena.


And she had changed the world 
through her absence.   Without her 
around, life had lost some of its 
beauty, and the world had lost a 
prince.   And I had lost my shining 
thing, though I hadn’t realized it.



*00:00:00*



I want her back.


END PART ONE